The Long, Slow Journey into the Light
by Laurensis
Summary: This is my second attempt at writing. Your reviews,critique and comments are very much welcome as I could always do with some improvement. A try at answering the question "What now with Alexander?" after Hephaistion's demise.
1. Chapter 1

**The long, slow journey into the light **

Do not go my love without asking my leave, I have watched you all night

and now my eyes are heavy with sleep, lest I loose you whilst I am sleeping, so do not go my love without asking my leave

- Khalil Gibran

Author: Laurensis

Notes: This is more historically inspired by Arrian, Plutarch, Lane Fox and Green. Also the Lebanese

(Tyre in Alexander's time) poet/philosopher Gibran and Oliver Stone's movie.

**Foreword:**

A lot has been written in this Website about Hephaistions death some of which from Alexander's point of view. This is my take on Alexander's "omminium amicorum carissimus" dearest of all friends as the historian Curtius describes him. Historians Plutarch, Diodorus, Curtius and Arrian quoting extant sources all agree that Alexanders grief over Hephaistion's death was tremendous. This story is written from the points of view of those who historically or otherwise have been closest to Alexander, how the death of his beloved Hephaistion affected him and what the possible reactions were to his death and Alexander's enormous grief.

Reading the historical sources, I do to agree with some historians when they state that Perdiccas enjoyed a close relationship with the Alexander and Hephaistion. Consider: It was Perdiccas that Alexander sent with Hephaistion on various missions. The same Perdiccas who conducted Hephaistion's funeral cortege to Babylon and was appointed by Alexander as the dead man's successor in the post of Chiliarch and gave his royal seal (ring) to.

**Glossary of Terms **(in accordance of how they appear in the story):

Chiliarch - Persian title of office, Vice-Regent, 2nd in command after a King

Ahura Mazda "Lord of Wisdom" -Supreme god of the ancient Babylonians, creator of the heavens and earth

Hyperberetaios - in the ancient Macedonian calendar, the moon of September

Honeycakes - in ancient Macedonia a sweet treat made from roasted barley flour,nuts and honey

Somatophylakes - Bodyguards in ancient Macedonia during Phillip and Alexander's time

Daimon - a spirit of lowly order, a felt but unseen presence the connotation has it's origins probably from Plato and Xenocrates

Chiton - tunic of ancient greeks made of a rectangular cloth of wool fastened by pins (fibulae)

Atropos - one of the three goddesses of Fate in greek mythology, cutter of a human beings thread of life

Elysium or Elysian Fields - in Greek mythology home of the gods and divine heroes

Achilles and Patroclus - Heroes of Homer's Iliad. Achilles was the son of Thethys and Zeus, Patroclus was

His faithful friend, lover and partner

Gynnis - an effeminate man, in ancient Greece a man who receives a kiss from another man (as opposed

To one who initiates a kiss-which was nit considered unmanly)

Pothos - a longing, in Alexander's context ever to be the best

Shade - spirit of the dead

Cuirass - body armour that covers the chest and the back

Thanatos - in Greek mythology god of death and brother of Hypnos (god of sleep)

The Indus - third largest river in the Indian subcontinent. Originates in the Tibetan plateau and runs thru India ( states of Jammu and Kashmir and Gilgit-Balgistan) and Pakistan

Greaves - part of an army uniform in ancient Greece use to protect the lower leg and knees. Made of flexible metal lined with felt or layer of cloth.

Cubit - a unit of measurement in ancient times. The Greek cubit was about 474.2mm or 18.6 inches.

Stadia - foot racecourses in ancient Greece. They varied in length from 183 to 192 metres.

Dirge - a lamentation for the dead that is sung.

Aesclepios - Greek god of Medicine and Healing.

Zoroaster (greek: Zarathusthra) - founder of the religion of Zoroastrianism. The religion was widely practice in ancient Persia

Knucklebones - forerunner of today's "jack stone" game. In ancient times was played with the knucklebones of sheep.

Gorpiaios - in the ancient greek calendar the month of August (Louos in ancient Macedonia)

Talent - a unit of currency in the ancient Hellenistic world (1 gold talent =around US$965,000., 1 silver talent = around US$2.8 million. stand: May08)

Quinquiriemes - an oar-propelled warship used during the hellenic period. It had a complement of 300 oarsmen, 120 sailors and 50 crew.

Himeros - desire for earthly things, as opposed to, desire to attain loft ideals (Pothos)

Krater - a huge mostly intricately decorated fired clay vase which was glazed mostly on its inside

used by the ancient greeks to mix their wine with water

Ptah, - ancient Egyptian god of creation, rebirth an craftsmen.

Ra ( also Re) - Egyptian sun god, became a major deity in the 5th dynasty

Toth - Moon god, also god of writing and magic in ancient Egypt

Khnnum - in ancient Egypt god of the source of the river Nile, creator of childen

Apellaios - the month of November

Eiar - the season of spring

Agora - the square. A place where merchants set up their stalls

Xandica - a spring festival

Kyathion - a small jar

Hades - God of the underworld


	2. Chapter 2

He ran as fast as his young legs could carry him. Through the hallways and the stairways, unmindful of the people he bumped into. Bursting into the courtyard, he made his way to the stables where the couriers horses were, calling the groom at the top of his lungs to ready the fastest mount.

Tameris, Hephaistion's Persian groom sprung into action upon hearing the voice screaming his name telling him to drape the fastest horse. He recognized it immediately. Aristogeiton -the Chiliarch's favoured page- appeared into view. Throwing the grooming brush he held, he immediately flung a saddle blanket on the stallion Hermes. Instantaneously he knew something very serious was afoot. Aristogeiton, the most mild-mannered amongst his master's pages ran up to where he stood waiting, wild-eyed and panic-stricken. Despite numerous encounters, he has never seen the page in this state before. This was not the composed and quiet Aristogeiton he knew.

"I have to get to the King! …Fast!" he announced in a voice that shook with desperation and fear. Vaulting onto the horse, page and mount were off within moments before he could inquire about the cause of his agitation.

As he retrieved the grooming brush, Tameris felt a morbid apprehension rise within him. Just a few days ago he learned that his master had been taken ill. At first it was rumoured to be critical but things have been looking up since then - at least that is what the latest news from the Chiliarch's chambers had been.

Yes, he seemed to have recovered and as the news would have it, for he took some food and wine. This surely could be nothing than positive considering that he had refused nourishment for the past days according to his pages.

He was about to continue his task from where he had left off when the possible reason for the page's reaction dawned on him. An inexplicable fear brought about a loud cry from his throat as he realized the only possible cause of Aristogeiton's extreme agitation.

Tossing the grooming brush aside he dashed towards the palace entrance whilst invoking a prayer to the great Persian god Ahura Mazda for his lord.

--o**O**o--

The roar of the crowd washed into every single nook of the Stadion as the athletes made for the last round of the relay race. It was the eighth day of the athletic contest that was part of the enormous celebrations Alexander had called for as thanksgiving and reward for their safe return after the horrifying trek across the Gedrosian desert and the recent mass marriages.

For the populace of Ecbatana, it was a time for healing and reconciliation. For the king, a time for rest and recuperation before the preparations for the Arabian campaign in spring. But for Alexander the man, his way of thanking the gods for the fulfilment of his long hedged plan. With his and Hephaistion's marriages to Stateira and Drypetis respectively, he was absolutely certain it would only be a matter of time when both their royal wives would bear their children finally cementing their desire to be of one blood.

He could not have chosen a better time. It was the start of the moon of Hyperberetaios. Temperatures were not as hot as the preceding month and the trees still had at least four weeks of green on their leaves before they turned gold , red and russet and fell to earth. The athletic games, the literary contests, and the concerts were going as planned and Alexander gave the impression of being enormously satisfied.

_Perhaps he is_. Perdiccas thought as he threw a casual glance at Alexander who was engaged in animated conversation with Peithos seated two tiers below to his right next to Antigonus. They all were there, Leonnatus, Seleucus, Peucestas, Eumenes, Peithos, Iollas and his brother Cassander who had just recently arrived from Macedonia. On his tier Lysimachus seated to his left, beside him Ptolemy and next to him Nearchus and Attalus the Agrianian .

" I am glad he is enjoying himself" Nearchus voiced his thoughts to the man next to him " I was concerned he would miss out on the races, especially with Hephaestion ill"

Perdiccas glanced at the black-haired man and snorted " You know fully well it is Hephaestion's bidding that brings him here, otherwise he would have forgone all these to keep at his sickbed".

Ptolemy nodded wordlessly at the other man's comment while he continued in a low voice remarking good-naturedly "I am glad they've finally found to each other again after that altercation over that flute-player's accommodations with Eumenes. You know how infuriatingly impossible Alexander can be when they're at odds with each other".

Perdiccas threw a sharp glance at Eumenes back seated at Alexander's tier then gave Ptolemy a wide grin. "You would be too, if you knew the other part of you was missing. They may scream, punch or maul each other, but in the end each knows the part is only as good as it's whole. I should say though .." dropping his voice lower to an almost conspiratorial whisper "while Hephaistion is quite good in keeping whatever negative feelings he may be momentarily having to himself, Alexander rolls openly upon everyone with his temper. Like a fully loaded runaway baggage cart.". Ptolemy let out a chuckle and shook his head in agreement.

As if sensing himself being the topic of their conversation, Alexander turned in their direction and met their look with a semblance of a smile behind an undecipherable gaze. For a few moments Perdiccas interpreted it as annoyance about him being the topic of their conversation. However, it took him a second to realize it was hint of weariness, worry and something else he could not quite understand that clouded the King's gaze.

I should say your pages are doing quite well at the games" Perdiccas commented in his usual amiable manner, staving off the feelings of uneasiness he felt.

"Quite so I daresay. What do you feed them with Alexander…Oats and Barley?" Ptolemy quipped good-naturedly.

"Honeycakes…. as such they better be good, lest they risk flogging" Alexander responded with a forced smirk.

To Perdiccas son of Orontes and a distant cousin, Alexander would in certain ways always remain unfathomable. True, they practically grew up together in Pella, shared experiences in Mieza and was one of Alexander's closest confidantes. He had seen his generosity and magnanimity experienced his tenacity, resoluteness and sometimes infuriating sensitivity. He also more than once, experienced his incalculable daimon which seems to have been even more pronounced since their return from the Indus.

All these facets of Alexander's personality he had encountered which at best of times he tried to understand and at worst simply ignored and just did what was told of him.

He also was fully aware that not him, nor any of the somatophylakes, the companions, the eunuch Bagoas, his pages, his wives Roxane, Stateira, Parysatis or for that matter even his mother Olympias could fully decipher Alexander's innermost. That was the sole privilege of the object of his enduring love and affection. Hephaistion.

Over time,Perdiccas, like Ptolemy had in many ways proven his warrior skills, his cunning, loyalty and devotion to Alexander. His refusal to accept the lands that the King once offered him answering that the only thing he desired to keep was his share in the King's dreams of glory is what gained him favour with his monarch. Apart from that, it also was the fact that his to closeness to Hephaistion and his a wicked sense of humour coupled with his boyish charm which both men and women found so invigorating that endeared him to the king and his beloved.

The master of the games was announcing the winners of the race, when commotion from the upper tiers next to the exit erupted. There were shouts of annoyance and anger at the page who suddenly appeared and was pushing and stumbling his way towards the royal enclosure. Catching the page from the corner of his eye Perdiccas followed the boy's nervous movements as he finally got to the King and stood before him panting and wide-eyed. A dark foreboding overtook him as single thought crossed his mind. _Hephaistion. _

"What do you say that his illness turned for the worst?" Alexander's mood turned furious as Aristogeiton finished relaying the news. "How can that be possible…? He inquired gripping the page by his shoulders and shaking him. His voice reverberated throughout the tiers causing the page to wince and shudder in fear. Everyone within hearing distance trained their eyes on the King's direction.

Within seconds, they were racing towards the exit, Alexander in the lead with Ptolemy and Perdiccas close at his heels. It was them that Alexander commanded to join him knowing fully well they were the ones in the group that the Chiliarch was closest to.

They rode at a pace as fast as their horses would allow. Perdiccas, racing abreast Alexander could see the king's expression alternate between determination, fury and an emotion he hasn't seen on him since their days at Pella - fear. Glancing back at the other man, he saw Ptolemy's face contorted in concern. Anguish and desperation clawed at his innermost.


	3. Chapter 3

Reaching the palace courtyard, Alexander dismounted even before his horse came to a stop. With his chiton and royal cloak fluttering wildly about him he mounted the steps two at a time while the stable hands, pages, guards, servants hurriedly cleared a way. Ptolemy and Perdiccas kept pace. Even before they rounded the hallway leading to Hephaistion's chambers, they could hear noise which as they drew nearer could be only identified as wailing.

A cold chill run down Perdiccas' spine as he threw Ptolemy a glance of consternation.

_No! by Zeus, by all the gods not so soon please! _he silently muttered a prayer as Alexander barged into his beloved 's rooms.

**--o0o--**

Everyone scurried about as they entered the room, their eyes downcast. They were greeted by a very nervous Glaucus, the healer Alexander entrusted Hephaistion's care to. The other physicians were milling around seemingly unsure of what to. The pages and servants on duty were sobbing disconsolately and the guards, while still keeping their posts were all red-eyed from weeping.

Hephaistion, lay on his huge ornately decorated bed, the blanket drawn about him eyes closed as if in deep sleep. His strikingly handsome face etched with sickness and exhaustion. An indescribable helplessness enveloped Perdiccas as he surveyed the scene before him before turning his gaze to his very livid monarch.

"What is with him" Alexander's voice thundered as he accosted the visibly trembling physician.

"My Lord, he ate an entire boiled chicken and drank a huge amount of wine, despite the fact I forbade him to" Glaucus stuttered.

"Where were you?" the King's voice sounded absolutely venomous "I told you to watch over him, to care for him. You were not supposed to leave him out of your sight -especially in my absence!"

"I…I..was sure he was feeling better, he said so himself. He…I…"

"He is not well!!" Alexander hollered as he grabbed the flustered healer "You of all people should have known that. Should you not?…answer me… should you not?"

When no answer was forthcoming he shoved him violently, falling onto the marble floor with a dull thud. Turning to Philemon, the young physician assisting Glaucus "You" he barked "tell me what ails him and what you can you do to make him well again as he has not done his duty ". There was no concealing the accusing savagery in his voice as he pointed a finger at the older healer .

Philemon was down on his knees, hesitant to tell on Glaucus but more terrified at the King's palpable rage. Then in a fear ridden voice barely above a whisper "My Lord, physician Glaucus had to go away…we have done our best….". His voice faltered as he watched Alexander regard him with blazing fury then turn his attention back to the older healer. He lunged at him grabbing the frightened healer in a manner that practically lifted him off the floor, choking him as his grip caught the collar of his chiton. Overcoming his own shock, Perdiccas implored him to let go.

Ptolemy registered a cold silence in the room as he watched Alexander approach the bed, seemingly caught in a trance staring at the motionless man. A trepid Perdiccas behind him. He laid his hand on Hephaistion's forehead as he silently sat on the edge of the bed.

Rushing to the King's side Ptolemy held him by the shoulders and whispered in a faltering voice "He has fallen to Atropos, Alexander ".

The fair-haired man looked at him in a daze then turned to stare at the lifeless figure in his arms. Unbelieving, uncomprehending, his mouth open in silent negation. The silence was but a few seconds but the look on Alexander's eyes as they locked glances made Ptolemy cringe inwardly. He saw sorrow, rage, desperation and death itself. Unable to hold the other man's gaze he looked away as the King let out a great agonizing scream piercing the silence of the chamber. In Ptolemy's ears it sounded like the howl of a wounded and dying animal. Unable to contain himself, he too let his tears flow as he saw Perdiccas slowly slump to the floor sobbing openly.

"Out! Out! All of you! I want all of you out!" Alexander ranted as he looked around the room. Then registering Glaucus' presence,

"I entrusted him to your care .. but you whore's son left him alone, you have failed me and for this you shall pay !" The physician crumpled onto the marble floor a low moan ensuing from his throat, muttering his apologies unintelligibly.

A horrified silence descended upon the room as Glaucus coiled into a heap on the floor a wailing sound issuing from his throat as he begged for his life.

"Your neglect killed him. You deserted him when I told you not to. For this you shall die. Crucify him…I want him crucified! Now out with him and everybody else. Ouuttt!!"

As if woken from a trance some quickly made their exit, while others seemed confused and were hesitant to depart. Ptolemy looked at the remaining persons and signalled them to go as he helped Perdiccas unto his feet. Silence permeated the room as the hushed voices died down and the sound of shuffling feet finally receded. Ptolemy and Perdiccas headed for the door on measured steps. As they reached for the doors handle, they heard the muffled words.

"Phai, my beloved. Phaistion…don't leave me, please.. How am I to go on?" An ominous entreaty spoken in a broken voice assailed both men's ears as they made their way out of the chamber.

Stepping out of the door, Ptolemy drew his cloak about him despite the warm afternoon to ward off the icy grip that seemed to have permeated his entire body. Laying an arm on Perdiccas shoulder who seemed not to have registered Alexander's words, he manoeuvred themselves through the desolate throng in the hallway. Hephaistion's cavalry officers, common soldiers, pages, servants, engineers, scribes, couriers and other palace staff. A few standing in quiet contemplation and sorrow, mostly though unashamedly sobbing and shedding their tears. It was then that Ptolemy finally realized how deep the bond and how high the regard a lot of people from the lower ranks had for the dead man.

Slowly, they threaded their way through the crowd to join Seleucus whom Ptolemy spotted at the far end of the hallway in the presence of Lysimachus, Peithos, Leonnatus, Nearchus, Peucestas, Antigonus and to his surprise even Eumenes who, especially since his quarrel with Hephaestion over his flute-player's lodging ceased making any attempt to disguise his animosity which he now openly showed except in Alexander's presence. There too was Cassander who as far as he knew just arrived from Macedonia as official emissary of his father Antipater.

A hush fell over the group as they approached. He knew, there were questions burning on their minds that shone through their eyes. However not even the usually vocal Cassander uttered a word. Acknowledging the men's questioning presence with a nod, he steered the visibly distraught general and himself toward their own chambers.

"He was my best friend you know" Perdiccas murmured plaintively in a tear-choked voice sounding utterly lost as a child.

Ptolemy nodded sympathetically. He knew how the boyish looking general was attached to Hephaistion -theirs was a brotherly camaraderie. In Alexander's absence, it was always Perdiccas that kept Hephaistion company. For a moment he couldn't help but wonder to what extent Hephaistion's demise would this affect the man that stood before him. Gathering him in an embrace he sought to console the man breaking up in sobs as his own vision blurred. They stood in the hallway for sometime.

"What now…with Alexander?" Perdiccas queried in a hoarse voice as he finally collected himself and stood before the door of his chambers. Ptolemy let out a long drawn sigh and nodded.

"Who knows what destiny awaits him …we can only hope for the gods continuing favours" leaden weariness overcame him as he patted the other man's shoulder.

In his mind Ptolemy knew. He had enough experiences with Alexander to know how the absence of Hephaistion -when the latter was away on missions, affected Alexander. Irritable, impatient and absolutely moody. With Hephaistion dead, he dared not even for a single moment speculate the enormous effect this would have on the King.

"Would you like me to keep you company?" Perdiccas regarded him for a moment before replying to Ptolemy "I should be fine… Thank you for the offer" he said as entered his rooms.

Ptolemy gave him a nod then headed towards his own.

Having known Alexander longer than any of them, Ptolemy knew deep in his heart what the exact answer was to his friend's question concerning king's future. He felt afraid for all of them.

**--o0o--**

He moved about his rooms, barely acknowledging the presence of his beloved Thais. As if though going through the motions, he might shake off Alexander's last words as they exited his rooms. _How am I to go on? _


	4. Chapter 4

Through all these years Thais journeyed together with the King's army and was now in most ways Ptolemy's consort in all but name. She knew his moods intimately. He would curse when upset, thought unlike Alexander was never given to violent outbursts of emotion. He also could rant and rave like any other Macedonian or be contemplative when confronted with a problem or in deep concern or could be very fidgety when apprehensive or forlorn. However, there was one emotion she hasn't witnessed until now. He looked absolutely lost and could sense a simmering fear beneath his placid demeanour. Having heard as to what happened earlier that day, she decided to let him be.

Ptolemy headed for the balcony, hoping the scenery outside would divert him to more pleasant thoughts. The early evening breeze blew about as he sat on a chair and closed his eyes, trying to seek comfort from the remaining warmth of setting sun. Cursing Hephaistion for his hold over Alexander, doing the same for Alexander for his inability break-away from Hephaistion's emotional bind. Then, the memories came flooding back to him.

***V***

_As they set their eyes on Troy perched on a rock , a sense of disappointment rippled through the companions._

"_This is supposed to be the city with a glorious past, home to Athena. The burial grounds of Achilles and Patroclus. Yet it is nothing more than ruins with a village ". Was Leonnatus' comment, unable to hide his disappointment. Lysimachus shook his head in agreement.._

"_Athena's temple seems a little too plain..don't you think so?" Hector whispered to Iollas and Perdiccas both of whom just nodded mutely._

"_They're just not Macedonians and such have not much taste for the finer arts" Peucestas chimed in a voice that could not be overheard earning a glare from Black Cleitus and a snigger from Coenus._

_Ptolemy smiled to himself as he surveyed the men in front of him. Being one of the elder in the group along with Cleitus, Philotas and Seleucus he somehow understood their chagrin. With all those glorious stories about Troy from their childhood, seeing the state of the once fabled place as it was now could only bring nothing but a disheartened reaction. However, as far as Ptolemy was concerned, the sight did not bother him the least. He was now sure that one of the main reasons why Alexander made this detour and left Parmenion and most of the army in Sestos had definitely something to do with the lovers that rode in front of their entourage._

_Turning his attention to Alexander astride Bucephalus who led the march with Hephaistion riding his horse Minos on his side he could not help but feel elated for them. Ruins or not, he knew that visting Troy was one of the dreams the young monarch always had. It was one of those aspirations which with the passage of time just seem to have grown and flourished in his soul like a mighty oak tree. He also was convinced that given their mutual devotion, they have come to ultimately pay homage to Achilles and Patroclus. Heroes from their childhood whose fates were - as far as Alexander and Hephaistion were concerned, inexorably entwined with their very own._

"_We have arrived" Alexander's voice was full of awe and reverence as they entered through what was once the eastern portal._

_The villagers along the houses they passed came slowly out of their dwellings partly curious, partly awed to see the arriving foreigners. Having planned on heading directly to the temple of Athena, they were met halfway by an entourage of local Greeks from the nearby towns who joined the Trojans in offering him gold wreaths after which they then re-directed him to the tomb of Ajax and the sacred hearth of Zeus of Enclosures to offer sacrifices before proceeding to the goddesses temple._

_It was during the evening meal at the royal tent together with his closest companions that Alexander standing like a young god, announced the reasons for his visit to the tomb of his ancestor Achilles and his friend and lover Patroclus._

"…_and aside from making my offerings to Athena for the success of our crossing, I would like to offer a sacrifice to my ancestor for our victory in this campaign."_

_Then turrning to Hephaistion who remained seated on the dining couch they shared "… Also to show the world and consecrate my commitment to my dearest friend here by offering our sacrifices and honours to Achilles and Patroclus"._

_Instantaneously, Hephaistion was on his feet. An aghast expression on his face, his mouth opened as if to protest. True, they spoke about this several times and he imagined just the two of them doing it - away from prying eyes and wagging tongues. But to do it in the presence of half the army, that was something he never counted on even in his wildest musings._

_Ptolemy registered Alexander silencing whatever misgivings his lover wanted to voice with his fingers on the man's lips. A lusty cheer went up from Perdiccas, Leonnatus, Hector, Iollas, his brother Nicanor, Lysimachus, Seleucus , Peucestas and himself. While the rest murmured or nodded in agreement._

"_We need proof" taunted Perdiccas good-naturedly "…a kiss"_

"_A kiss…a kiss" they all chorused as Hephaistion slowly sunk back down on the couch head bowed down in reserved embarrassment, fidgeting about with his hands._

_Ptolemy clearly remembered Hephaistion' handsome face colour a bright red hue as Alexander tilted his lover's head upwards and bent down giving Hephaistion a deep kiss to wild and rowdy cheers of their friends and companions._

_As the evening progressed he could see Alexander's face flushed with happiness in comparison to Hephaistion's quiet mood. It was only later as he found himself and Perdiccas alone with Hephaistion that the cerulean-eyed man confessed his misgivings of Alexander's plans. He also voiced his worries of further alienating himself from the rest of the group by such a declaration._

_In the king's closest circle everyone was keenly aware not all persons in their company approved of the continuing relationship - especially Parmenion. There were unpleasant and sometimes hostile remarks directed against Alexander's beloved from of the older companions or worst from those who were not of Dorian descent. They thought it so unbecoming that they were almost of the same age yet continued to be lovers beyond the stage where they now should have turned their interests in finding themselves wives to bear them heirs._

_In each his own peculiar way, both Ptolemy and Perdiccas replied that if the others had problems with that they have to thresh it out with the King or keep their peace. He is the owner of the Alexander's heart and that since their adolescent days. Like it or not, they just have to accept it -especially now that their friend is King._

_It was precisely the thought that his beloved now being regent -that their statement left Hephaistion mortified . He fully understood their pragmatism though he thought it brazen of them to have spoken such words within earshot of most of Alexander's friends and companions_. The_ grave implications of the constellation of this new situation where himself and Alexander were concerned dawned on him, leaving a vague uneasiness._

_There was a bright smile on Alexander's face as he joined their group having heard his friends statements. Nodding his approval silently, he took Hephaisiton's elbow to calm his agitated expression giving it a discreet loving caress._

_It was at the tombs of Achilles and Patroclus the next morning, as Alexander and Hephaistion, both naked and annointed with oil, olive wreaths in hand that Ptolemy fully realized what Hephaistion really meant to the young King._

_Having poured both their libations and placed their ivy and olive wreaths on the tombs of both their namesakes, there was a hitherto unknown solemnity in Alexander's voice that rang clear in the morning air as he invoked the gods as well as his ancestor's blessings for the success of his endeavours. Also, that his and Hephaistion's relationship may forever find favour in the eyes of the gods and that should they be parted from each other by death, that they again be reunited in the glory of the Elysian fields ._

_A similar invocation was voiced by Hephaistion to Patroclus. After which they crowned each other with ivy wreaths to signify their oneness._

_Ptolemy was lost in his thoughts as he observed Alexander and Hephaistion go through the solemn ceremony. He witnessed anew those glances that spoke volumes between the king and his beloved and it never ceased to amaze him anew how two people who could not be physically more different could seemingly flow seamlessly into each others person . All those years at Pella and Mieza he saw how their affection grew, winning over the adversities brought about by the likes of Cassander, Philotas and Craterus, the senior members of the court including Antipater and General Parmenion, who insisted him siring an heir before departing for the east. As well as Phillip and Olympias who feared their son being a gynnis due to his seemingly lack of interest in women._


	5. Chapter 5

_He was neither a gynnis nor did he have no interest in a wife or heir. Of that Ptolemy was sure. What most of Alexander's detractors seem to have failed to comprehend was, where the matters of the heart were concerned, Alexander would address no suggestion nor brook any opposition to retain what he considered rightfully and solely his, He was doing this not only for his pothos. -but more than anything else for where his heart lay. It was an inviolable certainty on which he would not be gainsaid._

_Seeing them now as they ran their race around the tombs of their heroes, he was filled with a certitude that what he was witnessing was Alexander's way of declaring to Olympias, Parmenion and all the other senior courtiers that he was very much his own person. An act of liberation from his mother's smothering influence where the affairs of his heart were concerned. Ptolemy was only too aware of the amount of pressure Olympias tried to exert on his son. Of how she, countless of times maligned his son's beloved, never ceasing to indirectly pressure Alexander to choose between herself and his beloved or for him to take a wife -putting Alexander under enormous emotional strain._

_By the very act unfolding before more than half of the army and the attendant non-combatants he was announcing to the world his love for the cerulean -eyed man, He also was freeing himself from the queen's never ending emotional pressure._

_Then as of now, Ptolemy has seen how the love between the two men grew and flourished. There of course were times when this bond seemed to be tested to the point of breaking - mostly brought about by Alexander's temper and impatience . However in the end, they always found their way to each other. Mostly through Hephaistion's perseverance and understanding. Guided by the knowledge and certainty that eventually neither one could last very long without the other._

_During that evening's feast, Leonnatus jokingly quipped about the possibility of Hephaistion's accelarated promotion to Crateruses level. Ptolemy registered Hephaistion's annoyed reaction._

_"Rest be assured my friend"….I" his voice sounding very steely "shall not take what is not due me for do such would be beyond my dignity. For how far can a man go and what worth is he who is not aware of his capabilities and limitations but is wholly reliant solely on his masters charity or pity"._

_Then turning his head to all who might have been listening "What you have witnessed today at the_ _tombs was between Alexander the man and myself, not as King and subject. Whatever rewards I may receive, let it be solely on the basis of my achievements not on another person's personal favours "_

_Perdiccas patted Hephaistion's shoulder commenting that Leonnatus surely meant no harm with that statement. A comment to which Leonnatus heartily agreed assuring Hephaistion that he meant it only as a joke._

_Alexander, overhearing the conversation strode over where the small group stood and remarked "Lest there be misunderstanding, I hereby make it clear that while Craterus may be the beloved of the King, Hephaistion is that of Alexander's" then to subdue Hephaistion's flustered reaction added "as a subject to his King he shall be punished or rewarded in accordance to his deeds"._

_Ptolemy instinctively knew that where Alexander was concerned the rewards would be many and the punishments few. However neither their closest friends or himself were prepared for the severity of Hephaistion's punishment from his altercation with Craterus much later in their campaign. As such, he fully understood the bitterness as the chiliarch stated that it would have been better had the King rammed his sword through his gut as punishment instead of berating him for being seven kinds of fool and reminding him that he was nothing without Alexander in front of his and Crateruses battalions._

_Then there was the rift._

_For a couple of weeks thereafter, Hephaistion avoided Alexander like some contagious illness. While the move was obviously done to revive his flagging dignity and demonstrate his displeasure over the manner in which he was reprimanded, Ptolemy saw this left Hephaistion totally miserable -spending his free time in isolation from the King and all of them. On Alexander's part he witnessed and experienced how privately, Alexander grew from initially livid to morose then desperately ill-tempered. Ptolemy surmised this was a result of the King's guilt knowing that berating Hephaistion in front of his and Crateruses men was totally out of line but on the other hand, insisting in his pride that his motives were totally justified. Finally, not being able to take it anymore, Alexander came to Hephaistion's tent one early evening as Perdiccas in himself paid their friend a visit. Seemingly oblivious to their presence he hesitatingly made gestures of amends for his rashness to his beloved._

_They exited Hephaistion's tent but milled around the entrance to intervene should_ _the meeting take a wrong turn as it sometimes was wont to be -but no such thing happened. They heard the lovers voices rise and fall caught in an intense argument that seemed to last forever._

_Finally, the voices faded into a hush. The myth of Achilles and Patroclus was whole again. From all the words that were exchanged, what stood out in Ptolemy's mind from that evening was Hephaistion's emotionally charged voice exclaiming that he thought it was the end and how Alexander contritely replied that it could never be - for a half , no matter how great or beautiful it may be, still did not make a whole._

_Now he's gone ..his other half _Ptolemy's thoughts wandered back to the present as he stared into the now inky blackness of the starless sky.

_Tell me Alexander, long will it be until you cannot anymore take the emptiness he has left ?…How long? _Tears welled in his eyes. Suddenly, a hand gently touched his shoulder as his name was called out. He turned around to face Thais and as she held him in her arms he broke down and wept for his departed friend and the King.

"He will be lost" he said in a guttural voice. Thais sighed, for she knew anything she would say at that very moment would sound hollow or a lie.

Early next day, Nearchus, Ptolemy, Seleucus, Eumenes and Leonnatus and Perdiccas made several separate attempts throughout the morning to access the dead man's chambers where Alexander remained. However, each one was turned away by the King's guards that now stood sentry citing their orders directly from the King to absolutely let no one in.

They conferred to each other in hushed voices trying to figure out how best to deal with Alexander who now, seemed to vacillate at nothing else except between grief and rage. Worry, concern and dissent on how to go about running the Empire given the king's current state coursed through their minds as they milled around in confused silence in the hallway to the Grand Vizier's rooms.

"We somehow have to get to him" Seleucus was emphatic his voice booming over the sounds of wailing that came from the servants and pages. "He cannot let himself go like this." They all nodded in assent.

"But how…? Peithos who came to join the group intervened "when he will see none of us…as I came around earlier to see about him I could hear his voice telling the pages who wanted to bring him nourishment to be gone or be flogged"

"I fear he has taken complete leave of his senses. Far more than during the incident with Cleitus…what are we to do?" Leonnatus questioned in a desperate voice.

"He really must calm himself now. While I do understand his grief, surely he cannot go on like this. It just isn't right, all this grief and neglect of his empire just for Hephaistion" Eumenes interjected.

Instantly, Perdiccas was upon Eumenes, pushing him with both hands catching the man off guard causing him to land on the floor with a thud.

"Just what do you mean by that you arse-kissing son of a whore…Hephaistion is a lot more that you could ever be. You have nothing much to show other than your syncophantic word preening".

Nearchus and Leonnatus held the screaming Perdiccas back as Seleucus helped Eumenes off the floor.

"This is not the time for fighting" Ptolemy eyed each of the men. "The King needs us and our collective strength…It would do well if we used our energies to find a way to help him instead of wasting it over such differences of opinion over Hephaistion." There was a menacing firmness in his voice that made the opponents collect their wits.

"I will not let him desecrate the shade of Hephaistion" Perdiccas countered as he struggled from the grip of the men holding him.

" It is no secret how your good friend gained his power". Eumenes retorted contemptuously not wanting to back down from the confrontation.

Anger welled up in Ptolemy as he shot the man a steely gaze. He always thought the secretary too smug for his own good.

"You know not what you say Eumenes...you of all people" there was a resoluteness in his voice as he continued. "Have you forgotten what the King has said to you when you quarrelled with Hephaistion?.. You tread in unknown waters my friend"

A mixture of alarm and consternation flooded the secretary's face as he directed his attention to Ptolemy who grabbed him by the neck of his peplos "Beware, lest you drown yourself therein even before you realize it." Then turning to Perdiccas

"Come,…I don't think it is of any use standing around here".

With that, he hung an arm on Perdiccas shoulder making for the stairs leading down to the courtyard feeling a need to get away from the secretary's presence.


	6. Chapter 6

"You are courting disaster Eumenes" Seleucus snorted at the seething man "you seem not to have learned from you mistakes. How very unwise making public of your ill feelings toward Hephaistion at a time like this".

"Consider change if you desire to keep you head on your shoulders". Leonnatus added earning a nod of agreement from some and a chuckle from others.

"Don't get too smug with yourself. Callisthenes was just that and see where he ended." Nearchus remarked as he gave Eumenes a patronising pat on the back . "You're not stupid..do consider where the wind blows before you hoist your sails."

All the others nodded in assent and slowly made their way leaving a dumbfounded Eumenes rooted to where he stood. His mind was in turmoil. Suddenly, he felt alone - a sense of uneasiness nagged in his brain which despite his attempts to ignore would simply not leave.

The memories of his recent audience with Alexander over the quarrel between himself and the Chiliarch raked through his mind. Since their youth, he always had known what the King and the cerulean eyed man meant to each other. And now, with Hephaistion gone from the King's life he suddenly realized that even the smallest slight could have the gravest consequences for him. The earlier panic he felt turned into an immense fear. It dawned on him that the only one thing he was sure of was, he would not suffer the same fate as Callisthenes. _I have to put this to rights to ensure my survival _he thought as he headed towards his rooms taking stock of his possessions he would part as an offering to the dead man after he has told Alexander.

On the evening of the same day, Ptolemy headed for Hephaistion's chambers only to be told that he had not come out. He then sought out Lysimachus in his rooms to inquire about the progress of the arrangements for the dead man's embalmment rites. As they both headed for Alexander's rooms joined by Perdiccas, it was the King and the _Chiliarch's _pages Aristogeiton, Phocion and Bagoas all looking worn and very worried that approached them .

"My Lords, I am so glad you could come" Phocion addressed Perdiccas and Ptolemy "We are utmost distraught…"

"The King is still in there" Bagoas addressed Ptolemy as his gaze wandered to the door. "He refuses to leave Hephaestion's side, neither food or drink has he taken. Nor does he attend to his bodily needs We are greatly concerned for his being."

Perchance you could convince him otherwise?" there was the unmistakable plea in Aristogeiton's voice.

Ptolemy hid his mounting apprehension as he lay an arm across the young man's shoulder and gave them both a comforting look. Turning to Perdiccas, the question formed in his mind but before he could utter it the other man merely nodded and headed towards the entrance of his friend's chambers. After consulting with the guards who also voiced their concern they hesitatingly allowed him in.

--o**O**o--

The curtains were drawn and the lending the room a very forbidding atmosphere. The air was swathe with the heavy smell of frankincense and beeswax. But aside from the absence of pages and servants, nothing much has changed. Maps and scrolls were still spread on the table, Hephaistion's ceremonial cuirass of beaten gold and bejewelled dagger on the couch, his chiliarch's purple cloak draped over a chair. His golden tiara on top of what he knew to be a clothes chest. Everything seemed the same save for the sight of an immobile Hephaistion and the sounds of a grieving Alexander as he walked between the pillars. Coming into his full view, the sight that he witnessed took him aback, totally unprepared for what he saw.

Alexander lay on the bed alongside his beloved totally distraught, unkempt, looking very pale and haggard, sobbing softly as he cradled Hephaistion's lifeless body in his arms. For a few moments, Perdicass stood rooted in place. Uncomprehending, a hitherto unknown and dark emotion overcoming him piercing his very soul. Recovering his composure, he hesitantly took the first step to make his presence known but again stopped on his tracks as the sound assailed his ears. Alexander's voice, unearthly, rasping and oozing with immeasurable pain.

"Phai, my beloved, so many times I have wasted my chance to really show my gratitude for all you have given me" his voice was choked with grief " It is not you my beloved that is nothing without me… It is me! I am nothing without you must have known that... forgive me for all the pain I have caused you… please" he repeated the last words in a voice with such regret as if it were a prayer that would bring his beloved back to life as he ever so gently rocked the dead man in his embrace as one would rock a helpless babe.

Perdiccas was quite sure that after all the wars they've fought, the death and suffering they have encountered there was nothing about the human mind that would surprise him. But now he had his doubts. Hearing those words from his friend and King grieving a loss seemingly unfathomable, he begun to question the tenacity of the human spirit, his knowledge of the extent of Alexander's love for Hephaistion, his own ability to comprehend the force of grief and fragility of reason in a soul obviously going bereft, crushed by loneliness and remorse.

Remorse and guilt. That was what radiated from Alexander and at the moment. The only thought that came to Perdiccas was; _H__ow did it come to this?_

**--oOo--**

His thoughts took him to Macedonia. To Perdiccas it now seemed like a place from another lifetime. Through Alexander's dreams they have come this far. Gone beyond all that Phillip ever dreamed of. Further than what Dionysus and Heracles ever conquered. Lands beyond the farthest gazes of their inner eye and riches beyond their wildest imagination. As the Kings closest circle of friends, they now have achieved most of what they dreamed of. Somewhere in the course of all these however, each of them seemed to have lost focus on one thing or another. For Alexander, it seemed the love that he once had pledged to Hephaistion as youths at Mieza and for that matter at Troy has lost it's lustre.

Perdiccas knew, from countless conversations with the cerulean -eyed man, the implicit hurt and suffering he had to bear at one point in time or another to make Alexander's dreams come true. And although Hephaistion never mentioned these directly, Olympias vitriol, Bagoas continuing attachment to Alexander, Roxane's ambitions, the jests and insults of the companions and most of all Alexander's recklessness and his inability to sometimes see the pain he causes by his words or actions now and then became too much for his friend to bear.

He was an unexpected witness when the King made it up to Hephaistion for berating him in the presence of his and Crateruses soldiers. At that time, Perdiccas could only hope that Alexander finally recognized how deep those words cut. For that one phrase not only stripped his beloved of his dignity but also openly belittled the accomplishments that Hephaistion paid so very dearly with blood, sweat, tears and most of all his own self-worth.

Now he is gone. Just when Alexander finally came around and truly realized that in his quest for fame and glory, he has neglected to nurture the beauty and uniqueness of the unconditional love and loyalty that has been freely given him.

Gently, he laid a hand on Alexander's shoulder softly calling out his name trying to win him back from his oblivion. The King turned his tear stained face to him as if noticing his presence for the very first time. As their eyes met Perdiccas was gripped with despair. They were not only bloodshot but devastatingly lifeless. Gathering his wits, he slowly pried him from the dead man.

"Come, Alexander, let Hephaistion be. Let his shade be free to start his journey with Thanatos to Hades" his tone was coaxing. The fair haired man shook his shoulders in a desperate attempt to free himself from Perdicass's hold.

"No! Leave us alone!… Out!" He raged, elbowing wildly about him with one arm as he continued to hold his beloved on the other. He called out King's name as he gripped his shoulders firmly with both hands earning a punch on his jaw line. He winced in pain but did not let go of his hold, increasing its firmness instead. Suddenly all resistance ceased as Alexander's body slumped above Hephaistion's head. He let his grip go.

Seeing the other man's continued presence, he arranged himself so an arm and a leg were splayed over the corpse. Then, imploring in a hoarse and tired voice like child whose favourite toy was being taken away.

"Please...just a little more time. Please Perdiccas… just a little more…." his pleas evolved into a crescendo of desperate sobs rending the other man's heart.

Muffled sounds ensued from Alexander whose face was now ensconced in his dead lover's hair. Perdiccas vision blurred at the sight.

"We were Achilles and Patroclus…but they were just dreams of youth. That was meant to be the love we had for one another. " Alexander croaked and found his gaze making him recoil inwardly at what he saw. All light seemingly gone out of him which within seconds filled with rage.

"Damn the myths! Damn the Fates that created them! They raise you up on their pedestal, they make you feel invincible and then they leave you crashing down just when you believe to have reached the pinnacle…This is all so wrong, him being take so soon…so damn wrong!" He railed as he held his lover's body in a very tight embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

As his fury subsided, he lay the dead man's body carefully down and turned to Perdiccas who now sat beside him on the bed. His eyes held the deadly glint one saw on the battlefields as a growl emanated from his throat.

"He gave his love and life to me, he believed in me…suffered for me… toiled for me, for my dreams and my ambitions.. asking nothing in return but my love" a deep bitterness drenched his voice "but what did I do Perdiccas.? Again, I miserably let him down… I left his side… and I was supposed to be the one to protect him ! What comedy!" his growl had now mutated into laughter drenched in sarcasm and self-loathing that almost instantly dwindled into a whimpering.

Perdiccas sat on the bed and carefully gathered the fair-haired man into his arms. He was no king, no conqueror, no commander. This time he was nothing but the little boy he had known in Pella in the body of a man. A broken, desperate man filled with self-reproach. Alexander clung to him trying to seek comfort from his presence. There was no other sound about them save for his sobbing that seemed like waves dashing forcefully upon a rocky shore. Despite his sorrow Perdiccas sensed he somehow had to be strong for him. This left him utterly bewildered. How could one be strong for a man who until now was the source of strength itself upon which an entire empire relied upon.

"Listen Alexander… this is not of your doing, the fates have called Hephaistion to them" he spoke as the sobbing subsided "You have to let go of him. You have to live... you have an empire to rule that awaits you. An empire that is the fruit of the dreams and visions you both shared, that bound you to each other. Surely you would not want to desecrate his memory by neglecting what you both toiled and sacrificed so much for to build…to make your dream come true . Live…for this is the only way you can thank him for his unwavering support and love in your quest for greatness. Live, for that is the very essence of what he wished and wanted for you"

Alexander lifted his head but did not return his gaze. Instead he had it fixed for a seemingly interminable length of time on Hephaistion's marble bust that stood in the corner of the room. Then he rested his gaze at the dead man that had now taken on a gray pallor.

"While we still were in Pella I promised not only to love him but to care for him yet what have I done?…being his friend you know what pain and neglect I have caused him all through these years all because of my selfishness, pride and ambition. Do you think he understood me? Could he ever forgive me for not being here when…" his anguished whisper faltered as the tears came back up.

Perdiccas nodded.

"My king… you more than anybody else knows that your beloved's greatness lay in his capacity to understand both you and your daimon. That his true beauty lay in his unquestioning devotion, loyalty and love for you. Not only once has he told me he always knew what truly lay in your heart. That is what gave him the strength and wisdom to accept and understand your shortcomings not only as a king but most important as a man."

Perdiccas let out a heavy sigh but then continued "It this knowledge that beneath all, it was only him you ever held in your heart. That gave him the strength and perseverance to bear with dignity all the malice, slander and hate that was thrown his way because of what he meant to you".

"I have always sensed it was my daimon that countless of times caused him pain and anguish despite his best efforts to shield me from this knowledge."

Perdiccas nodded mutely.

"I knew it!... yet my tragedy is, I have so many times took it out on him, instead of me reining it in…I have made him suffer and carry such a heavy burden without me truly recognizing or understanding it. And now…now that I have truly realized how much of him is as myself, how much I really owe him for his love, his faith and perseverance…it is too late"

Alexander spoke as if to himself as he stroke Hephaistion's cold forehead. His tone deeply etched with guilt.

"He accepted it because while your daimon may have burdened him, he knew and understood deep in his heart that it is also a part of what makes you great,. He would not have had it any other way". Perdiccas' voice was low in his attempt in trying to soothe the man's broken spirit.

"Tell me my friend" Alexander's rasping voice broke into Perdicass thoughts breaking their mutual silence "Have the gods become so envious of me? Have they found my ambitions to better Heracles and Dionysus hubris?…Is this their way of restoring me back to the middle path Calanus has spoken about?..or perhaps some punishment Aphrodite has decided to extract from me for failing to care for Hephaistion, this gift she made to me ?…This must be my punishment…surely" his voice rose to a strangled wail.

Perdiccas was at loss not knowing what to say that may relieve the man's regrets. The only certainty he had was this; the state of self-reproach that Alexander was currently in was reaching dangerous heights. Something they never experienced with their king - not with Phillip's or Cleitus deaths.

As he turned and held Hephaistion's cold face in his hands Alexander muttered in a voice akin to that of a small child "Am I too late to ask him to look kindly on me and accept my contrition for all my shortcomings…my faults…for leaving him alone when he needed me most?"

"In his eyes you have done no wrong. He did not want you to trouble yourself with his being. His caring and love for you was unto his death. It was the singular mission in his life….and you know it" Perdiccas replied as his voice began to falter at his own pain.

"Now I am not so sure…if only I had done enough" Alexander replied as he sobbed anew, pressing his cheek against Hephaistion's forehead. Perdiccas gazed at Hephaistion's lifeless body .

_I cannot promise you that I can be that strong for him as you have been dear friend for yours was something that never could be equalled…but I promise to do my best….I shall try ._

Then gazing at his King, he thought what he dared not put in words.

_Yes Alexander, for you… I am afraid it is too late …and for you I grieve too for I fear never shall you be whole again. _

Suddenly,Perdiccas was hit by his own remorse. He should have intervened. Told Alexander about the times he shared Hephaistion's pains, sorrows, doubts and frustrations over the King's careless or imprudent actions. Made his fair-haired friend aware of the hurt he was causing his beloved. He should not have promised the dead man his silence so as not to worry Alexander -not at the expense of Hephaistion's misery. He should not have shielded Alexander from the unpalatable truths he seemed too blind to see.

Had he done that, then perhaps Alexander would not now be doubly burdened with grief and guilt. But it was to late. Things could no longer be undone. This was past the time for recriminations towards himself or his friend's beloved. There was not much more he could do other than try and ease Alexander's suffering and prevent him from succumbing into the realm of irrevocable madness.

He lay his hand on the king's shoulder and muttered in a tear- choked voice "Blame not yourself my friend for whatever shortcomings you might have done him … for he truly would have understood"

Alexander's heart rending cry for Hephaistion carried through the chambers as a cold gust of evening wind swirled around the room.

**--o0o--**

The muffled voices did not escape his ears, though Alexander seemed not to notice. He lay next to his beloved's lifeless body eyes fixed at the ornate ceiling unmoving, unseeing and silent. As Perdiccas opened the door, several dozen pairs of eyes turned upon him and directly before him, Ptolemy and Roxane whose countenance was draped with a thin veil.

"My Lord, I desire to talk to my husband" Her voice sounded weary but retained an edge that would not brook opposition. Perdiccas let his gaze roam from the queen's to the general's who nodded discreetly. He gazed thoughtfully at the Queen before turning his back on them.

He called out Alexander's name as he neared the bed but there was no response. Ptolemy repeated the call but was cut by Roxane's resolute voice as she called out his name "Alexander...my king".

There was no reverence in the way she addressed his title. The initial shock and pity she felt for the physical state the king was when her eyes first chanced upon him was immediately replaced with a seething resentment.

_He still has him in his power . Not even in death does he release his hold_ she thought _but not for long now my dear Chiliarch for now you are no more. Now I can claim what by right belongs to me. Now my time begins _the thought pleased her, enabling her to regain her emotional equilibrium.

She repeated his name as she made her way to the bed lifting the veil from her face . Her call seemed to rouse Alexander from his sorrowful stupor. Despite his condition, the sight of her seem to lend him a dangerous strength. He sat up on the bed as Roxane attempted to touch him.

"You murdered him…you wanted him dead". Alexander hissed. "You detested him, though he has not wronged you" he growled in a voice filled with contempt as he dove towards her and lunged at her throat -catching her totally unaware. Suddenly, her haughty demeanor was gone. She was just fighting for her life trying to release her husband's vise-like grip on her calling his name as she gasped for air. At an instant Ptolemy and Perdiccas were prying Alexander's arms and hands from her.


	8. Chapter 8

Perdiccas called out Alexander's name repeatedly in a voice meant to calm him down. From the hazy corners of his consciousness , the other man's voice reached him as he slackened his hold. Enough for both men to pry the King's hands from her throat. Finally freed from his grasp, Ptolemy led a sputtering and very frightened Roxanne towards the door. As he reached out for the door handle she resisted saying it was her place to be with her husband.

"It is not wise for you to be here. He is not himself. Force not yourself on him lest you risk your own demise"

"He would not dare do that to his queen" she weakly asserted herself . Ptolemy shot her a sardonic look to conceal his disdain. He was fully conscious of her resentment toward Hephaistion and though civil to Roxanne, he really never took a liking for her -especially not after her failed attempt at intrigue which she hoped would finally keep her husband from his beloved separated forever.

But Ptolemy saw through the scheme and placed an end to it before it really could start. Though he never revealed his knowledge to the king or his beloved -mostly for Hephaistion's sake, he ensured that her Greek lady attendants reported on her every move through the help of his beloved Thais. While he conceded to the queen's intelligence, her brash manner and scheming aura repelled him.

"Ah my queen… all these years with him and yet you still have not understood what bound them to one another… but then none of us really know. Apart from the king himself that privilege belongs only to Hephaistion and this knowledge he has taken with him to the underworld".

His subtly chosen words were intended as patronizing. Ptolemy knew he achieved the desired effect, as he registered her hardened expression and shot him a fleeting venomous look.

She gathered what was left of her courage and stuttered her insistence on escorting Alexander out of the chambers she always detested.

Roxane knew it was within this very walls that her husband found his true self. She also was keenly aware that if these walls could talk, it would reveal to her the innermost truths of the man she called her King . This place has always been, where the enigma of her husband was concerned, a fortress she herself nor Bagoas had been able to scale but it was also a consolation that neither Stateira or Parysatis never would. She hated to admit it but she knew this was a temple of love, trust and devotion between two beings to which she never would have been part of.

It was the certainty of this realization that fuelled her abhorrence for Hephaistion. "Hephaistion is gone. Dead. I am the Queen consort and for once this should be finally clear to all" She whispered in an emphatically venomous tone.

Ptolemy saw the immense resentment in her eyes but decided to ignore it by merely raising an eyebrow.

_Believe what you will..however this is not the end. Hephaistion will be still around though his body may not...you foolish harpy_". Somehow the thought gave him a sense of satisfaction. Aloud he muttered, "I am quite sure you are right my queen, after all you are indeed his consort".

By Roxane's reaction he knew she exactly caught on to what he meant. He found pleasure in his remarks knowing fully well that in some small way he was able to avenge his Athenian friend for the times she treated him with open disdain.

"She has no place here!..I want her out!" Alexander screeched venomously "I want that murdering harpy out of my face. I wish not to see her face…not here, not ever. " Undisguised fear and loathing pooled in her eyes as Ptolemy led her out of the door.

With dozens of eyes gazing silently upon them, she straightened her body and held her head high and looked at all the eyes staring back at her. _You may gloat and sneer but I am his queen and now at last he shall be mine completely_ she thought as she made her way through the throng with her servants in tow.

…_and I was foolish enough to believe we have escaped Olympias, _that was Ptolemy's last though as his gaze followed her receding figure. Then turning to those watching he announced "The king is fine. He wishes no further disturbance… not from anyone"

**--o0o--**

A murmur rippled through the crowd as Leonnatus pushed his way to the door. "The Egyptian embalmers from Babylon have arrived, they await further orders from the King"

Ptolemy rested an arm on his shoulder and steered Leonnatus into the room with him while declaring in a whisper" We might have to use our strength to get him out of here. He truly is not himself at all, be warned". Leonnatus nodded mutely.

"My king" it was Perdiccas who spoke upon hearing Ptolemy's news "the embalmers have arrived...it is time. His shade won't rest till he is prepared for his journey to the afterworld"

Despite feeling drained and exhausted Alexander wanted to protest and scream but all he managed was a hoarse croak. "Yes, Perdiccas…so it must be" Alexander's voice sounded pitifully small as he met the man's watering eyes. "It is true, you have lost a very good friend. I however, have lost the other half of my soul". Perdiccas stifled a sob as he registered the dark despair in the King's tone. They locked each other in a consoling embrace with Ptolemy as Leonnatus looked on totally lost in his own thoughts about the scene he was witnessing.

Perdiccas released his hold from Alexander as Ptolemy signalled him to advise the waiting embalmers and have the door and the hallway cleared for Alexander's exit. Motioning Leonnatus to his side, they moved towards the king who was kneeling on the side of the bed rubbing the back of the dead man's hand against his cheek.

As Ptolemy gripped his shoulders, Alexander turned to him with panic and anger in his eyes as he held on to Hephaistion's arm with both hands. Ptolemy gently pulled the King towards him as he signalled Leonnatus to pry his hands from his dead beloved. For a few minutes he tried to resist their hold by shaking his head vigorously but soon gave up. Helping him up, the two generals slowly made for the door with Alexander in their middle. As they stood before it Alexander turned around and gazed at the bed .Then, as though in a trance as he spoke hoarsely, his voice filled with intolerable pain almost to himself.

"As I promised you I shall join you soon in the light of the Elysian Fields never more to be parted from you…wait for me my love..wait for me."

A storm of pity, despair, sadness and fear tossed within Ptolemy and Leonnatus as the meaning of the words they heard sank into their consciousness. Leonnatus shuddered, visibly shocked, incapable of any sound. Turning toward Alexander, Ptolemy laid an arm on his shoulder and slowly led him out of the dead man's chambers. In his mind he was leading Alexander - a boy of six summers out of their pages quarters back in the palace grounds of Pella.

After entrusting Alexander into Bagoas and Phocion's care as well as ensuring the arrangements for Alexander's guards with their commander Theocritus, Ptolemy departed for his rooms arranging to meet with Perdiccas, Leonnatus and the others at the banqueting hall that evening.


	9. Chapter 9

His pages and servants hurried about as he entered his chambers inquiring of his wants but Perdicass simply waved them off saying he wanted not to be disturbed. As he sat down on a chair, his eyes caught a gleam reflected from lamps that lit his rooms. It was the sword that Hephaistion gifted him when his own favourite fell into the raging murky floodwaters of the Indus.

His thoughts floated back to the times and places he shared with his friend and comrade.

Those days in Pella and Mieza which seemed to be in another lifetime, where everything seemed to be a lot less complicated. The times when the dreams they dreamt as young men were just that. Before they were woken up by its congruent, unpalatable and horrifying realities.

_Yes, _he thought _where indeed did all those beautiful dreams go. Tell me dear Hephaistion__…__for surely you would know__…__ you being the keeper of Alexander__'__s dreams. Are the realities__ of the present still part of those dreams of our youth or have we finally managed to deceive ourselves to think it so? _

Staring at the sword, it finally dawned on him that Hephaistion was no more. His best friend whom he learned to treat as his brother. Whose intelligent humour and practical jokes -sometimes at Alexander's expense -he was very privileged to share. Whose concern and caring especially to those close to him helped Perdiccas recover from his injuries he received from the conquest of Thebes. The man whose foresight, bravery and cunning saved him was gone. Recollections of his times with his dead friend begun to crowd his mind. He only could hope that time would mellow his torment as it did so many times before.

_The Indus, .Peucelaotis. Hot, humid. That was what entered Perdiccas thoughts. _

_They left Alexander, Craterus, Leonnatus , Ptolemy and the others at the recently conquered city of Massaga. Hephaistion, half of the engineer battallon, sappers, builders, half the army alongside white Cleitus, Peithos and himself made their way towards the town of Orobatis to occupy it . Then further on to the Indus to bridge it in preparation for their crossing. The King and the rest of the army and the non combatants made their way to Aornos two weeks after their departure. _

_Four weeks seemed to stretch to infinity. While the large town of Orobatis offered no further major armed resistance apart from that at the time of their arrival and the sporadic raids which they always successfully defeated. It came as a surprise to them that its population would hold out for the siege that lasted thirty days. Finally, as the town begun to experience the shortage of food supplies, their chiefs finally came out bearing gifts of gold and precious stones declaring their fealty to Alexander. _

"_At last we can now proceed to what we came for__"__ Perdiccas sighed loudly as he sat together with Hephaistion in the latter__'__s tent the evening before setting forth their march to the great river. _

"_You do understand we cannot not leave this place unsecured if this is to be the starting point for Alexander__'__s campaign to conquer Taxila and the cities beyond the Indus__"__. The cerulean-eyed general replied as he poured themselves their daily ration of wine._

_Perdiccas nodded in agreement __"__Ahh…as capable as ever__"__ as he eyed his friend. __"__With your loyalty, devotion abilities and good looks, I sometimes can__not__ help but wonder what fool Alexander is for dragging Bagoas around with him__"_

_Hephaistion rolled his eyes in response and grinned at the man__'__s comment. They have been such close friends for the longest time now that the congenial general knew exactly how intertwined his and the King__'__s lives were. _

_F__or his part, Perdiccas was absolutely certain that despite Alexander__'__s obvious love for the Persian, this could not even measure halfway to what he felt for the man who stood before him. Thus, despite all that has been said or done, he knew now that Bagoas was merely a means and not the end itself. The thought that Hephaistion knew this had a calming effect on him __–__ after all, he cared for the Chiliarch as much as he did for the King. _

_It never ceased to amazed Perdiccas how the years have been so kind to the cerulean-eyed man. True, they were not the striplings they once were when they started out on this incredible campaign. But somehow, despite all the battles they__'__ve fought, the close brushes with Hades and the hardships they__'__ve gone through, the years have not marred Hephaistion__'__s looks, Not even the scars which only seemed to underline his unmistakable manly beauty, _

_There was a time during their early days as pages at the court of Pella, when Perdiccas became terribly infatuated with the then newly arrived Hephaistion. Despite the negative comments of the other boys about __"__the arrogant and insufferable Athens-reared son of Amyntor__"__ he decided to take stock of the newcomer himself. Initially finding him aloof, Perdiccas slowly discovered his basically gentle nature. The Athenian, as they derogatorily branded him was charming without being cloying, an intelligent pupil without being showy, possessing a dry sense of humour without being sarcastic and blessed by the gods with such astounding looks but devoid of any vanity._

_It therefore was only a matter of time that he became totally smitten with Hephaistion. To his dismay and consternation, so was the young prince Alexander. _

_Hephaistion__'__s friendliness and openess towards him gave hope that he would better Cassander, Philotas brother Nicanor and even Cleitus all of whom showed unbridled interest too. However he, along with the others realized the futility of it soon enough. For as the cerulean-eyed boy__'__s initial animosity towards the then prince waned, the sole focus of both his friends worlds became solely each other. He turned his attention to others but it took him a long time to accept that he would never be a part of the heart of Aphrodite__'__s son - the secret name he bestowed upon Hephaistion - the way his cousin Alexander was._

_As Hephaistion handed his friend the cup of well diluted wine, Perdiccas sigh of contentment quickly turned to a grimace as his lips tasted the concoction._

_He growled and sputtered __"__what in Hades is this__…__So watered down not even fit for women to drink__"_

_Hephaistion, unable to overlook his friend__'__s contorted facial expression, broke into a chuckle. __"__Better that than running out of supplies in the middle of nowhere__"_

_His comment was met by the other man__'__s grimace as he drank the rest of the wine cup__'__s contents, raising the empty vessel for the __chiliarch __to be refilled._

"_What was it again with the wine not even fit to be drank by women? Hephaistion teased as he held the wine skin askance. Perdiccas motioned for him to refill his cup, his eyes entreating as it met his friend__'__s feigned adamance. _

"_Here with that witches brew, otherwise you can build that bridge by yourself__"__ he commanded in a mock threatening voice._

"_Oh good, that then leaves more for me__"__ Hephaistion replied, his eye twinkling. Perdiccas stood up to grab the wineskin but tripped on this own sword that lay on the floor in front causing him to fall on his face._

"_All the more a reason not to refill your cup __"__ Hephaistion commented as he took a sip from own his cup __whilst trying his best to keep a straight face. Perdiccas gave him a sheepish look and broke into laughter himself._

_****V****_

_At the outskirts of Peucelaotis they came to the promontory where they now stood. The emerald green forests of this tropical morass seemed to stretch forever as they let their gazes wander to the south. Below them lay the enormously wide winding swathe of water glistening in the noonday sun overhead. The Indus. _

"_We should be able to set up camp at the river__'__s bank before sunset__"__. Hephaistion remarked turning to Perdiccas who stood next to him._

"_I do not see any hindrance. The guides have assured me of safe passage from the locals after they heard of Massaga's surrender.__"__ There was an unmistakable confidence in Perdiccas voice as he turned around to give instructions to the commanders to inform the phalanxes and the cavalry of the march direction._

_He could not help notice the excitement in Hephaistion__'__s voice as he cantered up to him tapping his shoulder __"__ The boats have arrived.__"__ The cerulean-eyed man pointed towards the vessels that made their way upstream to the agreed meeting point. _

_Perdiccas grimaced at his comment . He knew how to swim but detested doing so, especially in a river so wide, deep and murky as the Indus. He hated the thought of not being able to reach the river banks safety should he suffer from cramps that festered him since he received a leg wound at the siege of Thebes or encounter those water snakes that seemed to be in every body of water in this part of the world._

"_Concern yourself not__"__ Hephaistion remarked upon seeing his expression. __"__I shan__'__t ask you to swim across the river...you__'__re safe__"__._

"_Would you do it?__"__ Perdiccas sounded sceptical._

"_Well, not unless I have to__"__ Hephaistion grinned at him __"__and definitely not to take a bath. With the colour of those waters, you__'__re most likely to end up dirtier coming out than when you went in__'__._

_It was on the fifth day after their arrival when disaster struck. Perdiccas could still remember every single detail as though it just happened yesterday. _


	10. Chapter 10

_He was seated astern the rowing boat that was guiding a flotilla of flat bottomed barges being manoeuvred into position to serve as a foundation for the bridge. The barges were lashed alongside each other and were being floated stern first to be positioned alongside the first four -the furthest of which was securely moored to the riverbank. He was inspecting the work to ensure that they were done correctly according to the engineers plans. Much as he detested this particular aspect of the building process, he volunteered to do it in fairness to Hephaistion who assumed the task daily for the past five days. _

_The river current was swift as there had been heavy downpour further upstream for the past two days. The men worked fast, lowering the wicker baskets filled with huge stones that served as anchors to hold the barges in place. However, their progress was being slowed down as they constantly had to clear the flotsam and jetsam that caught in the baskets - branches, tree trunks, drowned animals and just about anything that the torrential rains washed into the river from the banks of the upper Indus and its tributaries._

_As they rowed aft the barges for inspection, the temporary lashings of the barge in front of their boat begun to unravel. due to the constant motion caused by the swells. No one noticed that the current pushing mightily against the barge now unsecured part of the makeshift pontoon. With a lurch and a sickening groan, the barge begun to break free from the loose moorings caught by the swift onrush of water. Before, they could avoid it, the barge__'__ s starboard side slowly swung apart ramming the small boat sideways causing it to keel. _

_All the occupants suddenly found themselves fighting for their lives trying to swim against the current, desperately trying from being totally swept away. Those who could'nt, screamed in abject terror as they were carried off, disappearing from the water__'__s surface._

_A great commotion arose. Men on the other securely moored barges scampered about shouting to each other and to no one particular in a cacophony of tongues -Indian, Persian, Sogdian, Macedonian -all pointing to the sinking boat and the men trying to stay afloat. While some secured the lashing of the barge that threatened to totally break away, the others threw ropes onto the water for the swimmers, while others were lying at the edge of the barge on their stomachs holding out their arms hoping those in the water could grab them. Others, held onto the sprawled mens' feet to prevent them from sliding off the barges' wet flooring._

_Perdiccas in his bronze breastplate and greaves and with his sword on his belt struggled to keep himself afloat as the weight of the metal threatened to drag him to the river__'__s bottom. He fumbled at them desperately. First, off came his sword which he successfully removed. However, before he could bring it within the reach of the men on the barge, it slipped from his hand sinking fast to the river__'__s bottom. The rage and anxiety he felt for the loss of his sword turned the process of ridding himself of the breastplate into a major problem. He lost his treasured sword and could not risk also loosing his cherished breastplate -never mind the fact that it tended to drag him down into the murky waters._

_The __chiliarch__ and his second-in -command Endymion were inspecting the placement of the timber and plank flooring and the lashing of the ladders on the barges sides to serve as bulwark. As the shouts reached their ears, Hephaistion raised his head to see Perdiccas trying to rid himself of his metal breastplate bobbing up and down in the muddy waters while simultaneously trying to propel himself with his legs to the nearest barge or attempting to grab the rope being thrown at him. With his sword now gone, Hephaistion was aware that the bronze breastplate would drag him down to the muddy depths with or without the rope in hand. _

_Realizing what was happening, he rid himself of his sword, silver breastplate and sandals in seconds leaving his short dagger in its sheath attached to his belt. Grabbing a rope handed him, he tied it around his waist. Barking instructions to Endymion and his men to hold the other end, he dove into the fast-flowing river then treaded the waters while shouting to Perdiccas to try and propel himself in his direction. _

_It was on Hephaistion__'__s second attempt that he was able to grasp his now floundering friend by the arm. Pullling the man to him, he wound an arm around Perdiccas__'__ breast who, having swallow a lot of water, was now gasping while still struggling to free himself from his breastplate. It took Hephaistion great strength to keep himself and a sputtering, squirming Perdiccas from going under as they tried to help the men towing Hephaistion__'__s rope in by trying to swim towards the saving barge. A rousing cheer went up from the onlookers as they finally held on to the barge and pairs of arms reached out to haul them onboard. Despite the men helping, clambering onboard from the side of the barge proved to be very cumbersome for the dark-blonde haired general._

_Seeing his friend__'__s predicament, Hephaistion let go of his grip from the side of the boat and dove into the swirling waters. Grabbing Perdiccas by his buttocks he tried to push him high enough for his upper body to find purchase over the edge of barge so the helping hands could haul him in . _

_After a couple of failed attempts of getting himself on board, Hephaistion suggested to Perdiccas to rid himself of his breastplate. His suggestion was met with an obdurate refusal._

" _I__'__ve already lost my precious sword so__…__no! It__'__s me with my breastplate__…__.if that__'__s the lasting thing I ever do__"__ Perdiccas gasped._

"_Don__'__t try to be funny now..by Ares balls!!.. take out that damned thing before it drags you to the bottom of__…__.__"_

_Hephaistion__'__s admonition was silenced as he watched one of the Persian sappers run towards the edge of the barge screaming hysterically at the same time pointing to a spot in the water not very far from where they were. Both of them understood the Persian word for water snake and knew how deadly the reptiles could be._

"_Help him__…__.haul him in__…__. fast!!!__"__ the __chiliarch__ screamed at the top of his lungs __"__Haul him in the name of Zeus__"__ he repeated as he felt something slimy momentarily brush against his leg._

_There was a mad scramble as hands grasped Perdiccas by his forearms while others grabbed the shoulder straps of his breastplate. He winced as he felt his knees catch at the barges edge and tore off the skin. Finally, he was on board lying on his stomach trying to regain his breath._

_Meanwhile, Hephaistion__'__s upper torso was being lifted out of the water on his back by the rope tied to his waist. Suddenly, he felt something coiling around his leg and sting. As the men finally hauled him in they saw the snake wrapped around his leg with a wound on it. Grabbing a sword, Endymion hacked the tail end of the reptile as the cerulean-eyed man grasped the animal by the neck to prevent it from delivering another blow. Reaching for his dagger he slashed it__'__s still squirming body._

_Sitting upright he immediately made an incision where the fang marks were and begun to bleed his wound instructing his body servant Hyperion to tie a strip of cloth on his injured leg at the thigh. As his glance involuntarily caught the animal__'__s corpse, Olympias snakes came to mind, making Hephaistion grin._

_Perdiccas eyed the dead reptile and shuddered involuntarily. It must have been at least three cubits in length._

"_You__'__re a fool Hephaistion, you should not have waited for me to have gone out of these dastardly waters__…__"__ Perdiccas chided as he rose to his feet having recovered from his ordeal, smiling to take the heat off his words._

"_I clearly recall somebody saying swimming in this river was totally out of question. __"__ came the jesting reply. _

"_It was not on purpose__"__ Perdiccas protested but grinned to diffuse it__'__s seriousness __"__I could not help it if your engineers do not do lash the barges properly__"_

_Hephaistion gave him a playful weak shove which was so untypical of him._

"_Is all in order with you?__"__ he turned to see his dropped his arms to his side inanimately, his face paling. _

_Hephaistion nodded __"__I am tired but nothing that a good night__'__s rest shall not cure__"__ he assured Perdiccas. __"__I shall be fine. __"__ he remarked as he lifted himself up to join the jovial general who stood to his side. As they started to head back to shore, Hephaistion suddenly felt cold and sweaty, waves of nausea threatening to engulf his body, _

"_You better not die on me now__"__ Perdiccas joked as he noticed his friend__'__s faltering stride __"…__I don__'__t want Alexander feeding me tp Porus__'__ elephants for neglecting you__"__._

"_Certainly not__"__ the cerulean eyed man grinned feebly at him __"__who__'__s going to save Alexander if he falls off our bridge__"__. Perdiccas nodded as he turned to glance at the __chiliarch __in time to see his friend__'__s knees finally giving way, his body crumpling onto the plank flooring of the barge in a heap giving way to tremors before darkness claimed him. _


	11. Chapter 11

_"By Ares balls man, don__'__t pull such a joke on me__…__come now Phaistos__"__ he knelt beside his friend trying to bring him back to consciousness by slapping him gently in the face._

_As he cradled his sick friend in his arms, he felt him shudder setting off a series of convulsions while beads of sweat formed on his forehead._

"_By Zeus, Hephaistion!..Hephaistion!.. Answer me!!__"__ There was unmistakeable terror in Perdiccas scream as he tried to revive the cerulean-eyed man who lay absolutely inert. _

_All the men working the bridge stopped as the scream invaded their ears. At the blink of an eye there was a great rush toward it__'__s source._

"_Endymion! Pharnuches! Get the doctor__…__. and hurry__"__ Perdiccas commanded._

****V****

_As Hephaistion's consciousness returned, the first thing he noted was he was warm and dry. He felt weak and queasy but forced the feeling away as his eyes fluttered open. He was lying in his tent. _

_It was Perdiccas__'__ anxious, fear ridden face that came into view, holding a cup with a milky potion meant to counteract the effects of the poison. While the physician Aenas felt for his pulse with one hand, cooling his forehead with the other while stating that he had to bleed his incision again to flush out the tainted blood. _

_Relief was clearly written on the General__'__s face as the __Chiliarch__'__s __eyes sought his, offering him the potion he held in his hand "Come, drink this it is supposed to rid your body of the venom" his nervousness evident in his tone of voice._

"_No cause for concern__…__I__'__m still with the living__"__ Hephaistion commented feebly as he managed the semblance of a smile.__ Taking the cup, he drank the awful tasting concoction in one swig._

_The dark-blonde general heaved a sigh of relief. __"__By the gods Hephaistion I thought you have gone to the realm of Hades__"_

"_It would take more than a snake bite for me to go without bidding you and Alexander farewell my friend__…__So how do your fare?__"_

_A rueful grin crept across Perdiccas face __"__with a scratch or two on the knees but I shall be doing fine__"__ . _

"_I am so glad you made it….I was absolutely terrified seeing you floundering in those waters" Hephaistion's voice was weak._

_Perdiccas moved his stool closer to the edge of Hephaistion__'__s bed __"__I owe my life to you, it was you who saved me from the damned river. For that you have my gratitude my friend__"__._

_A playful, weak punch landed on his upper elbow. A lame attempt on Hephaistion__'__s part to diffuse his friend__'__s anxiety and concern._

"_No need to fret. For if I did nothing to save you, then worth is our friendship ?....You are as a brother to Alexander and myself. I value you immensely for that__…__and so does Alexander__"__. _

"_All__'__s well with brother__"__ Perdiccas countered __"__but a dead one I don__'__t need, not if that brother happens to be the other half of the King__'__s being….I would very much like to keep my head on my shoulders for a longer time__"_

"_Frightful is it not so?" the patient mused attempting a grin __"__..but then the question is ..for you__…__or Alexander?__"__ There was a twinkle in Hephaistion__'__s eye as he gazed at his friend._

"_Mule headed bastard__"__ Perdiccas countered as he gave his friend a wide grin and took him in a hearty embrace __"__No wonder Alexander is still so smitten with you after all these years. You are simply incorrigible__"_

_As Perdiccas took his seat, Hephaistion ruffled his hair affectionately and muttered __"__It was all worth the trouble my friend,it …was all worth it__"_

_Perdiccas felt a tremor of pleasantness from within as his eyes misted. __"__Alexander, you lucky, lucky dog__"__ he reflected good-naturedly giving the cerulean-eyed man an affectionate glance and a wide smile. _

As he stood up to fetch his wine cup, his glance caught the beautiful sword. A tremor shook his entire being as, he crumbled onto the marble floor, his knees unable to support him as he let out a loud lament echoing throughout his chambers . Finally, he let his pent-up grief out for Hephaistion and Alexander.

**--o0o--**

As Ptolemy and Perdiccas entered the banqueting hall most of the companions were present and so were all the King's somatophylakes. The mood was somber and as they shared the latter's dining couch, the looks and stares they reaped ranged from confusion and pity to downright helplessness.

"How fares he?" Leonnatus made no attempt to conceal his anxiety over Alexander's being as he joined Ptolemy and Perdiccas.

"Absolutely disconsolate" Perdicass sounded guttural trying to disguise his overwhelming emotions over his friend's demise.

"According to the guards on duty his pages say he still refuses food or drink . He still is not himself since we left Hephaistions' chambers" Ptolemy added in a voice he hoped did not carry despair for in his mind he truly begun to fear and feel despondent for Alexander's being.

"I really worry for him. He scares me so" despair creeping into Leonnatus voice. Nearchus who now joined the group heard his comment.

"Why so...is he really in such a bad state?". The three generals nodded silently.

Nearchus gave the men a look of alarm. In a gesture of comfort, Ptolemy gripped him by his shoulder "He will survive. We must to afford him time…I know it. I am sure of it" he announced in a sedate voice silently wishing it to be true.

"And how are you faring?" there was a tone of genuine concern in his voice as Nearchus turned to a forlorn Perdiccas who simply shrugged his shoulders as an answer and bowed his head.

The trierach knew how hard Hephaistion's death affected the other general. Their familiarity growing from the days since Pella and Mieza. He knew it was the irrepressible, affable nature of Perdiccas that both the King and the Chiliarch found so endearing.

Nearchus was also well aware that Perdiccas had no duplicity about him where ambitions were concerned. It therefore came as no surprise to anyone that on important missions which Alexander entrusted to Hephaistion, Perdiccas was almost always with him.

He knew they got along with each other so well and how very successful they were in getting the work done as a team. Alexander also could rest in the knowledge that where he could not be present and there was the possibility of danger, the complacent general would defend his beloved's life as his own. The very reason he chose Perdiccas with his cavalry regiment as a complement to Hephaistion's for the dangerous bridging of the river Indus before the battle with the Indian king Porus.

During the course of the meal, Perdiccas gaze fell on the right side of the empty couch Alexander so very often shared with his dead beloved. Now there would be nothing but an empty space which he was certain would never again be filled. A deep melancholy draped his soul.


	12. Chapter 12

Nearchus was aware that Perdiccas was one of the very few that was privy to the intimate binds that held both men to one another. With his close camaraderie to Hephaistion he became -in certain ways, a source of solace when things went awry between the Alexander and his _chiliarch_.

At times, finding himself in the company of Perdiccas, Ptolemy, Leonnatus, he would tease Hephaistion about how he manages to live with his "other half" who could have a notorious temper and be able to keep ahead with all his "rivals" . Such jests would earn him a playful jab, a brash remark or just a cryptical smile from his victim.

The snide and spiteful remarks aimed at Hephaistion that a number of companions including Craterus, Eumenes or even Philotas used to lash out were not lost on him either. Himself, as did the others present tried their best on one occasion or another to lift their friend's spirits when they saw that his burden was too much or when they sensed that Hephaistion felt lost and alone. They had nothing but admiration for his fortitude and perseverance in the face of adversity be it brought by war, by setbacks on his work, by the companions or the King himself.

"You do miss him badly, don't you?" Nearchus remark sounded more like a statement than a question.

Perdiccas nodded. "I loved him as a brother - his loyalty, kindness and above all his empathy. With him, I could always be myself with all my weaknesses without being judged for it."

"I doubt you not" it was Leonnatus who spoke " for I have been witness to such acts myself. Though for some of us here it was something that they chose to ignore."

"Does that surprise you? Ptolemy turned to address Leonnatus. "There just has been so much envy and spite of his person. That clouds men's ability to see the good in others. Hephaistion's self-imposed segregation was his way of keeping his dignity. Enabling him to rise above the rest of us with our anger, doubts and envy where his relationship with Alexander was concerned".

"He has received a very heavy sentence for simply loving and being loved by Alexander" Perdiccas voice droned .

"But now he has gone to Hades and I cannot help but wonder how the King shall fare without him" Nearchus mused aloud desolately.

They sat in guarded silence, unsure about voicing their own thoughts about their King and his beloved. Finally, Nearchus let out a sigh and stood up. "We shall see each other on the morrow?" he addressed his question to all of them. Ptolemy stood and clapped him on the shoulder giving him an affirmative answer. Perdiccas remained seated and answered yes in a barely audible voice while Leonnatus nodded mutely.

"Don't you think you should rest?" Leonnatus asked Perdiccas who remained mute. As he turned to him, he saw that his eyes were still fixed on the dining couch that the King and his beloved shared. He sighed trying to vanish his own grief of Hephaistion's death.

They all had been through a lot together. And because of their shared trials and sufferings a world away from the familiar and comforting surroundings of Macedonia, a bond arose amongst them as was wont when the destinies of men are forged together by common profound experiences.

Leonnatus took his cup and drank to rid of the feelings of uncertainty that threatened to engulf him. He glanced at the others who now were silent. Finally, Nearchus broke the silence by bidding his leave, slowly striding towards the door .

"Lets hope that by all the gods of Olympus that Alexander finds his way to his old self very soon". and with those words he was gone.

"I doubt he really has an idea as to how much this affects Alexander" Ptolemy addressed them both.

"I believe he does…I would like to think so but on can never be sure" Perdiccas murmured his response.

Leonnatus remained silent , lost in his own thoughts

_Had Alexander__'__s myths of Achilles and Troy finally caught up with him?__…__ Have the stories of Achilles and his beloved Patroclus truly become his and Hephaistion__'__s destiny.? __…__And how tightly did the Fates weave the King__'__s __realities into the myths of the past? _he wondered as he stole a gaze at the purple coloured dining couch on the dais.

_Yes_ he reminisced. It was Gaugamela -where he, Leonnatus had a blick at the tapestry that the Fates wove for his friends. Gaugamela where their lives had forever changed.

"_Hephaistion!! Your shoulder!__"__ Leonnatus exclaimed as he saddled up to where Hephaistion was astride his mount. There was a deep gash from the edge of the man__'__s left shoulder blade extending all the way to the back bleeding profusely coupled with a wound in the lower inside arm which Hephaisition tried to cover with his tattered blue-coloured cloak without much success. _

_Not far from them stood a furious Alexander astride Bucephalus as he watch the great King Darius galloping off on his mount having deserted his chariot for mobility__'__s sake. The Persians and their allies, having seen the Great King ride off beat a hasty retreat leaving the dead and injured men and horses littered all over the plains of Gaugamela._

"_Coward! Come back and fight for your kingdom if you call yourself a great King! Come back you son of a dog!! Hephaistion was thankful that Alexander__'__s screams effectively drowned out Leonnatus comments about his injury. The last thing he wanted was his beloved fussing over him in the presence of the companions amidst this huge battle and where he himself had the same injury on his thigh. _

_Hephaistion gave Leonnatus a disapproving look motioning him to be quiet. __"__It is nary but a scratch, nothing a poultice from Phillip won__'__t mend__"__ he responded in a low voice turning his horse to hide his blood-soaked cloak away from Alexander__'__s field of vision as he turned to face them. Leonnatus wanted to protest but he knew the futility of it. To see to Alexander__'__s well-being even if it meant sacrificing his own has always been Hephaistion__'__s focus and he knew it was a mindset in which the auburn-haired man would accept no contest. Leonnatus shook his head in silent disapproval._

_From the corner of his eye he registered Hephaistion__'__s alarm as Alexander cantered towards them bestowing his beloved a wide, loving grin. Before he could get to where they were Ptolemy, Craterus, Cleitus, Perdiccas, Philotas and Coenus cantered up to him, unknowingly saving Hephaistion from closer scrutiny._

"_To Parmenion !__"__ he commanded breaking his horse into a gallop._

_They rode at a fast pace. Hephaistion made sure he rode to Alexander__'__s left, behind him with Leonnatus to his right._

_It seemed the news of Darius escape reached his men before their group met up with Parmenion__'__s and the baggage train to aid them in their battle. They still were drawn into the fighting but the majority of the Great King__'__s right flank was now beating a retreat. Having downed a good number of Persians himself, Leonnatus noticed Hephaistion__'__s movements slowing down. He suspected that the man__'__s wound begun to fester him. Beads of sweat were steadily streaming down his face and seemed to have trouble holding on to his horse._

_It was after a good hour of fighting when the last of the stragglers were finally subdued and Alexander ordered them back to camp. Leonnatus rode up to Hephaistion whose face was now pale from loss of blood, his eyes hooded._

"_Can you make it?__"__ he queried not before he threw a glance at Alexander;s direction who was now giving orders for the transport of the injured comrades back to camp.. _

_Hephaistion nodded __"__Tell him I had to ride back ahead to check the medical tent. Just to make sure they still have enough supplies to go around__"_

_Before Leonnatus could reply and Alexander and the other companions could notice, Hephaistion was off at a gallop. He only hoped that the cerulean-eyed man made it back to camp. He relayed the message to Alexander, who gave him an incredulous stare but kept silent acknowledging his message with merely a nod._

_Arriving at the camp, Leonnatus was met by his pages and his men. As there had been no news about Hephaistion, he assumed he made it back and was now undergoing treatment. After inquiring about the well being of his men, he then headed for the medical tent with Nearchus who he encountered along the way and was now on his heels. On the way to the tent he recounted Hephaistion__'__s condition._

_The tent was filled with the wounded and the dying. Moans and sobbing filling the arid air further contributing to the stifling atmosphere. After what seemed like forever, they finally located an unconscious Hephaistion, lying on a cot located at the furthest corner to the tent__'__s entrance . To Leonnatus consternation no medic attended to him nor were any of his pages around. He hurriedly retraced his steps through the crowded tent grabbing the first physician that crossed his path._

"_You__"__ he barked __"__come with me!__…__..Now!__"_

"_I have someone to attend to whose knee has been broken__"__ the medic protested as he tried to free himself from Leonnatus__'__ grasp._

"_That can wait!. I have a more serious case for you and you better hurry__"__, he commanded as he tightened his hold on the man_

"_But my lord__…"__ came the protest._

"_Go easy on the man, he__'__s got lots to do__"__ Leonnatus turned around to face a blood and grime streaked Alexander who stood in front of him with a bandaged thigh, having made the rounds to see to the injured and the preparation of the dead for their burial rites._

"_I think not. I need him now to see about Hephaistion. It looks like he__'__s lost a lot of blood__"__ he replied in a firm voice. At the mention of Hephaistion__'__s name, Leonnatus registered Alexander__'__s shocked countenance._


	13. Chapter 13

"_What do you mean?__…how__ could that possibly be?..he was with us and there seemed to be nothing wrong with him__"_

"_Only because he did not want to worry you__"__ Leonnatus countered __"__he was bleeding profusely even before we went to aid Parmenion__'__s unit__"_

"_What?! And you did not tell me?__"__ Alexander was instantly livid as he grasped him by his corselet. His lover suffered wounds during minor skirmishes as well as at Chaeronea and Granicus but none were seemingly life threatening as was now. _

"_Alexander! by all the gods!__"__ he was alarmed but willed his voice to remain calm __"__I would have if I did not promise Hephaistion. You know as well as I do how he tries to shield you from worrying about his person__…__I__'__d rather we saw to him immediately.__"_

_The King release his grasp and muttered an apology. His reaction was not unexpected. Leonnatus knew at times as such it was best to react to Alexander the way he saw Hephaistion do it. Calm and reasoned. _

_He unfolded the details to a visibly distraught Alexander as they hurried to where Hephaistion lay -deathly pale and motionless . A desolate looking Nearchus kneeling on the side of the cot dabbing the blood that run rivulets through the makeshift bandage on the injured arm. A belt was wound tight on the upper arm but could not totally stem the blood flow._

_There was deep anguish in Alexander's eyes as he desperately called our his beloved__'__s name, caressing his face as he did but eliciting no response. Pressing his ear to Hephaistion__'__s chest, he gave a sigh of relief to feel that it still was beating. He turned the body on it__'__s side while the young physician busied himself divesting the unconscious man of his blood soaked cloak and __chiton__. The wound was deep, cutting through the muscles hinting at the shoulder bone. Alexander knew this was no light injury that Hephaistion tried to __understate to Leonnatus. The wound definitely needed sewing-up._

_With the injury washed, padded and bandaged, He gave orders to Leonnatus and Nearchus._

"_The two of you! Get help. I want him moved to my tent and I want Phillip waiting when we get there__"_

_Suppressed panic was clearly evident in the King__'__s voice. But to Leonnatus or Nearchus the change in Alexander__'__s demeanor did not surprise them the least. Since their days in Mieza both were in the knowledge that if there was anything that could fluster Alexander easily, it was anything that concerned Hephaistion__'__s well-being._

_As Alexander and his party arrived, both his and Hephaistion__'__s pages scurried about, preparing the King__'__s tent for the lodging of the injured man. They lay Hephaistion on the King__'__s bed as he himself commanded them to do away with the cot installed next to it for the general. His very own physician Phillip was there and set immediately to work, giving orders to the Pages as what was needed and what was to be done. _

_Much as he wanted to, he was unsuccessful in concealing his distress to the the other generals as well as the onlookers. Realizing the whole tent was filling up by the minute, Ptolemy, together with Erygius and Iollas went about gently herding the bystanders out of the place, while Leonnatus, Perdiccas, Nearchus, and Seleucus stood by offering to assist Phillip in any way they could. _

_It was the __fifth hour by the time the physician had his ministrations done._

" _If the wounds do not become infected they should heal soon. Though he__'__s lost a lot of blood. He__'__s going to remain weak for the next few days__"__. Phillip stood up after bandaging the stitched up and poulticed wounds, addressing the King, the generals and pages present. Alexander, seated next to the bed on a stool remained inert, simply staring at his motionless lover laid out on his bed has he held his hand. _

"_You ought to get rested too__"__ the physician reminded him gently as he lay a hand on the King__'__s shoulder. As if woken from a trance, Alexander merely nodded but remained seated._

"_If he takes on fever or worst becomes restless send for me . Ask the pages to keep an eye on him. Under no circumstance should he be left unattended and make sure his wounds are cared for.__"__ With the advice, Phillip departed leaving Hephaistion's friends standing clustered around the bed next to the King._

"_Alexander, rest yourself. We shall keep on eye on him__"__ Ptolemy prodded him gently. Alexander shook his head._

"_I will be fine__"__ he responded not bothering to look at Ptolemy__'__s direction. __"__ Take Leonnatus, Seleucus and Nearchus with you and make sure all those who have died have been prepared for their rites then advise me". _

"_Perdiccas, inform Parmenion, Craterus and Cleitus to send word to the companions I shall convene a council tomorrow afternoon, not any time before. Erygius and Iollas make sure that there is enough wine for all__"_

"_Anything else you wish done, Alexander?__"_

"_Nothing more, Perdiccas. Thank you generals__"__ with a wave of his hand he dismissed them never taking his eyes off Hephaistion nor letting go of his hand._

_It was dusk when Alexander__'__s page Koiranos led him into the King__'__s sleeping chamber. There were sounds of celebration about as the soldiers and non-combatants feasted the victorious battle. Fires have been lit and the sounds of flutes, pipes and kitharas floated about the hot evening air. Darius, the great had been vanquished.. In the King's tent however, silence reigned. Standing at it__'__s entrance, his gaze wandered onto the bed where the King, now rid of the vestiges of battle and bathe, lay on his side facing his beloved, eyes closed in sleep. _

"_You should have told me he was resting__"__ Leonnatus whispered to Koiranos as he stepped into the King__'__s sleeping chamber. The sight the two men lying next to each other tugged at his emotions. It was so much like those lazy afternoons of their childhood -of days spent in the surrounding woods of Pella and the meadows of Mieza. _

_The page wavered. But before he could reply Alexander__'__s voice cut into their musings as he opened his eyes and glanced their direction __"__I am about Leonnatus. I trust everything has been done as I asked__"__ his voice sounded hoarse, as of one who had been crying,_

_Leonnatus nodded. __"__The pyres have been built and the bodies upon them are ready for their last rites__"__._

_Without so much as a sigh Alexander rose hesitantly, dressed himself in a fresh __chiton__ and his complete battle regalia assisted by Koiranos, as well as his other pages Harmonides and Mydon._

"_Has he come to himself yet?__"__ Leonnatus queried as he stood by the bed peering at Hephaistion in the lamp-lit gloom of the room._

"_Unfortunately no. I was hoping he would at least stir__"__ Alexander replied apprehensively as he walked over to where Leonnatus stood. His gaze fixed on Hephaistion full of worry and love. _

"_He__'__ll be back with us soon, I am positive__"__. Leonnatus replied seeking to ease the anxiety that seemed to radiate from the King__'__s entire being. _

" _By Zeus, Aesclepius and all the gods I wish it soon__"__. The general could clearly hear the anguish in the King__'__s voice but kept his concern to himself not wanting to further add to the fair-haired man__'__s distraught or induce enmity. _

_Alexander commanded Koiranos to fetched Hephaistion__'__s most trusted pages, Lysus and Timotheus to keep the three of them company reminding them to be constantly vigilant and that he be informed immediately should Hephaistion return to consciousness. Alexander kissed his beloved on the forehead and lips muttering __"__Rest my love. I shall be back soon.__"_

_Leonnatus placed a sympathetic arm to his shoulder as both of them strode towards the exit._

_It was difficult to discern as to whether it was the task that he just accomplished or his continuing concern over Hephaistion that left Alexander in such a gloomy spirit. He had performed the rites flawlessly and gave a magnificent eulogy for the departed comrades however, Leonnatus as the rest in his closest circle of friends could see that the fire and vitality that was part of the very essence of their friend and King was missing._

_Having performed the rites and paid their respects to the departed, Alexander slowly made his way back to his tent in the company of Leonnatus, Seleucus, Perdiccas, Nearchus and Ptolemy. He stopped every now and then at groups of soldiers gathered around their fires to exchange a word with them or give praise for their courage and valour in battle. He however, politely declined any offers to join in their drinking._

_Upon reaching his tent Alexander turned to his generals and bade them to join in the general revelry wishing them a good night. Thereupon, he retreated into his tent without waiting for their reply._

_Any attempts at keeping the knowledge of Hephaistion__'__s injury within the circle of Alexander__'__s friends was naught by the time the council was convened the next afternoon. Almost everyone in the camp knew what troubled the King. __It did not help that Philotas got a thunderous tongue-lashing from Alexander which must have been heard from a distance of half a stadia for remarking that Hephaistion's wrestling skills were absolutely useless in a mounted battle while his father General Parmenion, stood wordlessly by the sidelines casting censorious glances at his son. Alexander's grim attitude as he went about conducting the council with the generals was punctuated so very often with expressions of impatience when someone was immediately unable to grasp his explanation or curtness over an uncalled for comment._

_At some point in time during the meeting, almost every one of his close friends and his pages became victims to flashes of his infamous temper. Leonnatus noted how Alexander was barely holding himself together, obviously labouring to conceal his worry. Given the King__'__s state, himself, as all the others could only hope that Hephaistion would soon recover._

_It was on the morning of third day that change came about. _

_As Leonnatus entered the King__'__s tent, he almost collided with a rested looking Alexander. The radiance and charm that held people so enthralled about the young King was back. His countenance drenched with such relief which until last night - as Alexander hurriedly excused himself from the soldiers feast- seemed so distant from his nature as Gaugamela was from Macedonia. The effusive manner by which he was greeted by Alexander made him grin. Aesclepius, Aphodite, Lachesis and all you gods of Olympus..thank you..thank you for sparing Hephaistion he sighed inwardly. _


	14. Chapter 14

_From within the King__'__s sleeping chamber came Perdiccas raucous joking and subdued laughter - sounding much like Hephaistion__'__s. _

"_I take he__'__s finally come around?__"__ Leonnatus inquired as Alexander released him from his bear hug._

"_When I walked in from the feast last night, he was awake attended to by his pages Lysus and Timotheus.__"__ Alexander cackled excitedly __"__I was really beginning to despair and __…__.__"_

"_be afraid__…__come now Alexander admit it!__"__ came Perdiccas cheeky retort as they entered the sleeping chamber where the woken Hephaistion lay smiling, obviously still weak but freshly shaved and not anymore so pale. __"__ I tell you Leonnatus, these two are like car and wheels, one can__'__t move without the other__"__. He continued as he theatrically waved a hand at the lovers now seated on the bed._

"_More like horse and chariot, I should say__"__ Leonnatus quipped winking an eye at Hephaistion, getting a grin from the man as response. _

"_You mean ass and wagon__"__ Perdiccas countered continuing his brazen onslaught as he eyed his cousin and snorted; _

"_Question is though… who is the ass between them?__"__he smirked broadly at Hephaistion and Leonnatus._

_Alexander now lay on the massive bed. His head rested on Hephaistion__'__s thigh, eyes closed savouring his beloved__'__s warmth, only registered the ensuing silence to the comment. He opened his eyes to three other pairs peering down on him. Having been lulled into a shell of coziness by his beloved__'__s presence, he failed to gather the gist of what was said. It took him a few seconds to decipher the reason for the stares. _

"_I shall make you pay for your insolence to your King, cousin or not__"__ he threatened mockingly as he lifted himself off the bed to chase the fleeing Perdiccas who, mimicking a cry of distress dashed through the tent chambers making the heads of the pages on duty turn with an alarmed look on their faces whereupon, realising it was mere horseplay, broke-out in relieved laughter._

"_Is is incredible how Lord Hephaistion could affect the King__'__s mood__"__ the new page Amyntas whispered to Alexander__'__s senior page Koiranos who, nodding with amusement in his eyes followed the antics of the two men that rushed by them. _

" _For or against, nobody will admit it. Least of all Hephaistion himself...but he is the King's life line. However, breath no word to anyone as to what I have just told you nor anything you see or hear within this tent.". Amyntas nodded as he glanced at the older page who as if in afterthought muttered almost imperceptibly. "Alexander's magnanimity is equal to his temper. Loyalty is everything to him….remember that."_

_As the laughter and the noise made by Alexander and Perdiccas receded, they slowly made their way back to the bedchamber. Leonnatus sitting next to Hephaistion pulled him into a hug. __"A__m I really glad we have you back! That i__s good because now, we also have Alexander back__"__ he remarked quietly. Hephaistion understood perfectly what he meant._

_Hephaistion chuckled __"__I__'__m flattered and grateful you think that way. However, you and I know in the end, he always will be his own man__"_

"_I agree but you know as well as we do how much of a nightmare that can be for everyone at times. Headstrong, driven, calculating and amongst us his peers intellectually conceited at times__…__but I guess that is what makes him a good soldier King…__"__and as if adding an afterthought __"__hopelessly fallen for you__"_

" _I would love that__…__but if I had my way I wish I could only have Alexander, not he King" a small sigh emanated from him as he continued__"…__ in the same manner I__'__d rather much be just his Hephaistion not the general__"_

_It never failed to surprise Leonnatus that after all these years, Hephaistion has not seem to have truly comprehended his worth in Alexander__'__s life. He wanted to tell the cerulean-eyed man how unsettled and uprooted his lover was without him around but decided against it. However, by this incident, he now had irrefutably affirmed to himself how much Hephaistion meant to the man and the King. He only wished that however long they may live, that Alexander would never loose sight of how blessed he is by the gods for having someone as precious and devoted as Hephaistion._

_As both Alexander and Perdiccas re-entered the chamber. Alexander immediately headed for Hephaistion__'__s side and inquired in a voice sparked with tenderness if there was anything he wanted._

"_Nothing much__"__ the injured man replied __"__by all the gods, you are more than I could handle at times anyway. Two of your kind would definitely be my death__"__. _

_Both Leonnatus and Perdiccas heard the teasing in Hephaistion__'__s tone of voice and saw the pout on the man's lips but his eyes said something else that made both men feel a twinge of envy. They were full of love and devotion as he regarded Alexander who in equal measure silently gazed back at him with the same intensity. _

…_would be my death...my death_…He was jolted from his reverie as Ptolemy asked him if he was to join them leave the dining hall. He nodded his assent , while the phrase played on in his mind.

"Shall we see to Alexander?" Perdiccas queried on the way back to their rooms as he shifted his gaze from Ptolemy to Leonnatus.

Ptolemy regarded the other general for a moment "I do not think there would be much change to the state he's in. Not now...this is a wound that will cut deeply and won't heal for a long time" then he added in a very tired voice almost to himself "..if ever".

Perdiccas let out an anguished sigh for deep within he knew the man spoke the truth. Leonnatus nodding his assent in silence.

**--o0o-- **

Perdiccas let his gaze sweep across the throne room. Both himself and Lysimachus accomplished the task of overseeing Hephaistion's _prothesis_ truly well. He responded with a nod to Lysimachus' farewell as he watched him leave with the embalmers having volunteered to report to Alexander about the job being completed.

Originally, they planned to have the bier at the courtyard to accommodate all those who would come for the viewing but the unstable weather forced them into the palace.

In whispers, he knew a lot of the companions thought it a little too extravagant of Alexander to have the bier viewing in the great throne room. He however knew that, as was in Troy moons ago, this was the King's way of telling the world that a great King has passed away -his other half.

Being in the presence of Hephaistion while his body was being prepared for his journey to the underworld left him totally bereft. However, he received very explicit instructions from Alexander about it's preparation which made him persevere. In his heavy heart he carried the certitude that he owed this much to Hephaistion as well as to Alexander to oversee the ritual.

The light gray marble columns of the throne room seemed to mirror the reflection of the torches, tapers and votive offerings that cast it's glow on the gold inlaid friezes of the lapis lazuli walls that were polished to perfection. A low podium was built directly before the great king's throne upon which the open coffin with Hephaistion's body on it stood supported by a purple cloth covered dais.

Embalmed in natron and anointed with the most fragrant oils and spices in Macedonian tradition, he lay clothed in a cream coloured chiton the of the finest Persian silk , the edges embroidered with silver and gold thread . His finely woven purple cloak held together by a gold fibulae. His feet adorned with sandals worked with gold trimmings. He wore his cuirass and greaves of beaten gold, with his bejewelled dagger hanging from his golden belt. The dead man's arms and fingers adorned with armbands and rings. The golden Chiliarch's tiara resting on his head and around his neck hung the garnet and sapphire necklace- symbol of his office.

He also had the simple leather thong with half of the agate pendant from Alexander which he regarded as his most treasured possession and always wore. His beautiful face now covered with a death mask made from a thin gold sheet with a very intricate pattern of rosettes on it.

Arranged around the dais, were the offerings for the dead. Gold vases with intricate carvings, silver plates, gold cups, his belts, helmets, swords made of silver, flutes and golden scaled models of his and Alexander's chariots as well as marble carvings himself and the king and their favourite horses. The countless adorning flowers giving out a heady intoxicating perfume, as well as four huge incense burners that practically defined the perimeters of the dais.

Perdiccas let out a heavy sigh. He knew Hephaistion would have definitely decried such extravagance -himself favouring the more subdued and sleek styles of Athens. However, he also was beyond all doubt that Alexander would approve of it. He knew the King only wanted the very best for his beloved. With the last of the embalmers gone, an eerie silence filled the cavernous hall. His pages approached him awaiting his further orders.

"The viewing can commence" he announced in a tired voice. "Yes" he muttered to himself once the pages were out of earshot, "let the show begin". It was the image of Eumenes and his likes that imprinted in his mind.

The pages opened the massive, intricately decorated cedarwood doors. Slowly the great throne room filled with the presence of mourners who arranged themselves in the corner of the room to the right side of where the coffin lay do their lamentation and sing their dirges. Hephaistion's pages, led by the very forlorn Aristogeiton with Lysus,Timotheus and Haimon, his body servants, scribes and grooms now took their places followed by his engineers, officers and common soldiers of his hipparchy. Then came of most of the companions who had come to offer their arms to the dead man led by a sorrowful looking Eumenes.

"_You are fooling no one" _Perdiccas thought as he acknowledge the secretary's presence with a nod.

After a good half hour, the generals slowly made their way in.

"Alexander would be proud of both you and Lysimachus" Leonnatus remarked sympathetically as he sided up to Perdiccas " you did well with the preparations for Hephaistion's journey to the underworld".

"I hope so" he replied in a weary voice "that was the least I could do for Alexander…although I know Hephaistion would have thought all these too much for his person".

"He once said to me that worldly riches meant little to him and that what he really ever wanted in life he already has and that for him was enough" Leonnatus mused pensively.

"I know. Alexander's love" Perdiccas replied. Peucestas, Peithon, Nearchus, Seleucus and Iollas joined them expressing their gratitude over his efforts. Though not as close to Hephaistion as Perdiccas and Ptolemy, they had over the years learned to respect the dead man's abilities.

Suddenly Cassander walked up to their midst.

"I hope he finally finds his rest" Cassander intoned in a solemn voice that startled the others. "It is not easy being Alexander too" The men exchanged glances, unsure of what to make of the statement they just heard. They however were aware it would have been only a matter of time that the statement Alexander made to the Queen Mother Sisygambis after the battle of Issus when she confused Hephaistion for Alexander would have reach back home to Macedon.

There were questioning glances and amused stares. As far as they could remember, the man had - way back then during their time in Pella, made it one of his life's mission to make Hephaistion's life as miserable as possible -and now this.

"You may find it hard to believe" Casssander continued "but I really cared for him. I just could not accept the fact that he allowed himself to be totally subjugated by Alexander. I just could never understand his total selfless love to a man that does not really deserve it".

Everyone in the group could not help but throw him a glance ranging from complete surprise to undisguised fear. Each realizing the boldness and impudence of Cassander's statement. The intervening years notwithstanding, he has not laid away his brashness nor his animosity towards Alexander. Despite this, the suddenness of his confession surprised his listeners into total silence-eagerly anticipating further comments.

To some of them, the motive behind his boorishness towards the Chiliarch and his intensified antagonism towards Alexander suddenly became all clear. It confirmed what they have long suspected way back then in Mieza.

Before anyone could react vocally, Cassander distanced himself from the group and made his way to where the coffin was positioned paying his respects to the dead Hephaistion.

"Could that be also a reason why he also decided to stay in Macedon?" Peucestas turned to Cassander's brother Iollas who stood beside Leonnatus.

"He loved him and could not get over the fact that Hephaistion chose Alexander over himself" came the quiet reply. Not waiting for a remark, Iollas made over where his brother stood and laid a hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture leaving the rest in reflective silence.

For a minute the brothers stood wordlessly beside each other. Cassander turned to free himself from his Iollas touch and silently headed for the door leaving Iollas alone - his jaw tightly set, hands balled into fists while his eyes glistened with pain and sorrow.

Iollas was never that close to Cassander as he was to their other brother Nicanor however, at this very moment he truly felt sorry for Cassander. The broken chords of the dirges invaded his senses. It was all so very sad.


	15. Chapter 15

The sight that greeted both men as they were finally summoned to the King's presence on the eighth day of Hephaistion's death left them deeply perturbed. Half concealed in the shadows of his sitting room, Alexander was seated on an ornate chair. The table to his left held a tray with food that was largely left untouched. The table to his right filled with the offering statues and busts made in the likeness of his dead lover as well as other jewellery and trinkets that both men knew were Hephaistion's.

His face now framed with a beard, was haggard and bedraggled. His blonde hair, so normally well kept and lustrous looked dull and to their consternation shorn so carelessly. He sat unmoving, holding a fistful of his locks on one hand, a dagger on the other. Staring at the marble bust of his beloved while his eunuch Bagoas was on the floor collecting the rest of the king's hair, sobbing softly as he went about his task.

More out of habit than vanity, Alexander whenever possible kept himself meticulously clean and groomed. It was not by default that he almost died of pneumonia jumping into the icy waters of the Cyndus river merely to rid himself of the grime and dirt of the long trek they have just absolved. This was how he would later try to justify his actions to his bodyguards and a very livid Hephaistion who, in absolute haste rode back to Alexander's main camp within two days, devoid of rest from a scouting mission full of fear and worry for his beloved's life and anger for his recklessness.

_Achilles mourning his Patroclus _was the first thought that entered Ptolemy's mind. In in Perdiccas' head alarms rang. _Is this the beginning of his promise to follow his beloved as with his revered heroes of the Iliad?_

"Alexander…" Ptolemy called in a low voice. Receiving no response, Perdiccas called out his name. It was then he registered their presence.

"It is good you could come as there are several things I would like both of you to do for me" his voice sounded hoarse and resolute but the coldness in his tone disconcerted both men. He then handed Ptolemy a scroll.

"These are my orders and I want them done immediately" Alexander droned in the same lifeless tone that however would brook no opposition.

Perdiccas sided to Ptolemy as he opened the scroll that was handed to the older man. Both read its contents in silence. Engrossed in their reading, they were not aware that the King stood up and headed for the corner where Hephaistion's bust was enshrined on a plinth and gently caressed the statue. Having read it's contents, both men stood in shocked silence trying to fully comprehend what they were being ordered to do. Ptolemy shaking his head in disbelief.

The manes of all horses were to be cut. A mourning period shall be declared through out Asia, any kind of music to be banned until the funeral rites were completed, the city's battlements torn down and the ramparts painted black and a delegation to be headed by Peucestas, White Cleitus and Hephaistion's most trusted commanders Philostratos and Artabessus were to leave immediately for the Oracle of Siwah to have Hephaistion petitioned to be revered as a god. Also, Deinocrates, their best architect was to be immediately called to his presence to officially receive the commissioning of building Hephaisition's pyre.

"…but to have the temple of Aesclepius razed?" Perdiccas rasped in an alarmed whisper as he looked at Ptolemy who gazed back at him in equal bewilderment.

Unlike Alexander, Perdiccas and Ptolemy were never religious. They did believe in the gods and how men's fates were unequivocally bound to these higher beings. However, they never held themselves bound to daily prayers or offerings to these deities nor did they feel the need to be constantly in commune with them as their friend did. Now, reading what the scribe has noted down both men were filled with trepidation. Unbeknown to each other, the same question rang in their heads. _Has Alexander finally succumbed to his worst __daimon? _

Both men shook their heads in unison, each wanting to field his opinion on that particular task but none daring to vocalize it. The shock sat deep that they failed to notice that Alexander was now standing behind them having caught Perdiccas alarmed comment.

" I have prayed to him… pleaded with him…offered sacrifices yet he turned a deaf ear and took the life of the man I valued as my own" Alexander growled in a voice filled with bitterness and resentment. They turned to face him.

"Surely, you would not dare displease a god and risk his wrath" Ptolemy chided him gently as he placed an arm around him.

"…and punishment" Perdiccas added

"He is no god for if he were then he could have very well healed Hephaistion..." Alexander screamed hysterically as he shook away Ptolemy's hold.

"...or he could have at least bargained with the _Moirae _on my behalf… he could have interceded to _Clothos and Lachesis _to extend Phaistion's thread of life or to _Atropos _not to cut it too soon yet he did nothing…nothing at all." siding up to Perdiccas he sneered "Punishment!!…you talk about punishment my friend?…is not taking the other half of my soul the worst punishment Aesclepius could inflict on me?… I have done him no wrong to deserve this" his voice broke into sobs as he crumbled on his knees onto the cold floor, Bagoas rushing to his side.

"We concede Alexander. But may I remind you that they are more powerful than any of us. In the end we are nothing but their pawns in the game of life." Perdiccas kept his voice low and gentle hoping to avoid raising Alexander's ire further.

The King looked at both his generals but remained on the floor. None dared extend a hand to help him up. All terrified of the possible consequence from a wrong move no matter how well-intentioned it may be.

"I have served them well! Offered my daily prayers and sacrifices, heeded their prophets advices…they could have had anything they ask. My empire! my wealth!….all but this…all but Hephaistion! He raved as he pummelled the marble floor with his fist that turned bright red. As the ranting subsided the tears came again.

Assisted by Bagoas, the two generals helped Alexander to his feet and slowly led him to his sleeping chamber. Who finally seemed to assume an outward sense of calm. In a totally unexpected change in demeanour, he turned to those assisting him and announced "I have to see him now!" Perdiccas exchanged glances with Ptolemy quite unsure as to how to deal with the King's change of mood.

"Lead me to where he rests". It was a command. The bereft and tired Alexander from a few moments ago seem to have vanished. There was a chilling soberness mixed with a desperate bravado in his voice and a hard glint in his eyes that made Perdiccas shudder and Ptolemy flinch. This was a facet of Alexander they have never encountered before.

"My Lord, I shall see that the servants prepare your bath. I have laid out a fresh change of clothes for you" Bagoas' voice broke the uneasy silence.

"No need" Alexander muttered, not bothering to turn to the eunuch's direction as he replied.

"But Al'ksander you cannot appear in the state you are before them they …" Bagoas whined but was immediately stifled by Alexander's deadly glare.

"Do you think I care?!" He growled as he held Bagoas by the chin in a vise-like grip. Ptolemy and Perdiccas stood aghast but silent, watching the eunuch's terrified expression. The truth being they were civil to the eunuch merely for Alexander's sake. They have seen Hephaistion's silent pain when the King took Bagoas for himself and this left a bitter taste they could not forget.

"I don't …and get that in your damnable head once and for all. Not you, not any one can and should tell me what to do from now on! Do you understand?" Alexander hollered.

There was a strange mixture of terror and pity etched on Bagoas face as he simultaneously nodded and stammered his affirmation.

For a moment both generals were sure the King would crunch the boy's face with his grip or bash his head on the wall they stood in front of. Suddenly Alexander released his grip and turned to Ptolemy.

"Make sure Bagoas is given his own quarters in another part of the palace. I want him moved from near my rooms"

Then turning to the frozen eunuch now silently crying "From now on you are released from my services. You shall not attend to me any longer. I shall call for you when your services are required. You shall not come here unbidden!!"

Recovering from shock Bagoas opened his mouth to protest but no words would come out. "Now go!" Alexander's voice was low but icy. As the boy made no move to go the King screamed at him repeating his command. Bagoas beat a hasty retreat but not before Ptolemy and Perdiccas registered the tears now falling freely from the boy's eyes.

Alexander turned to his two friends who seeing their questioning gazes upon him, simply replied in a grief-stricken voice "I have pained Hephaistion by his presence. He never told me… but I knew. This never should have been!.... It was all a mistake! A terrible, terrible mistake!".

_Why is it that so very often one never realizes how precious a person is to one's life until that human being __is gone._ The question swirled in Ptolemy's brain as he glanced at Alexander barely able to conceal his pity_. _Perdiccas eyes shone with unshed tears. For Alexander's belated remorse and his own guilt -for his own silence.


	16. Chapter 16

A hush descended as the King entered the throne room where Hephaistion's bier lay. Save for the his inner circle of friends, everyone was hurriedly herded out of the room. Their heads were bowed down but all watched from the corner of their eyes as Alexander hesitantly approached the dais where the coffin was. He stood there for what seemed an eternity gazing at his beloved 's face which he divested of it's golden death mask after placing a small bundle of his golden locks in the dead man's right hand. Moving towards the incense burner, he sprinkled it with the handful of incense he held and offered his prayers to the gods for Hephaistion's journey to the underworld.

Cassander watched. Certain that this was the beginning of Alexander's end. He was perfectly aware that for what he has achieved, the King certainly earned his place in the eternal place of gods and heroes. However, having grown up with both Alexander and Hephaistion, seeing how their lives gradually, interminably bound itself with one another, he knew that with his beloved now gone it only would be a matter of time before the King would either loose touch with reality or life or both. As Alexander fell to his knees in front of Hephaistion's coffin sobbing pitifully unmindful of all those present, he knew it had began.

"You are a fool Alexander, the biggest damnable fool for not treasuring what you had in him. You deserved to loose him". He muttered to himself as Iollas turned to him in consternation but maintained his silence.

Iollas knew his brother had been filled in on the details of Hephaistion's life with Alexander from all these years. He had lost no time in gathering information ever since his arrival at Ecbatana. There also were all those letters he received from their brother Nicanor with whom he corresponded regularly and the stories of those who were sent back or have chosen to retire in Macedonia. With the uncertainty of the King's state of mind, Iollas was determined to keep on eye on his brother. One wrong word from his vocal brother could very well mean their end. Much as he never felt close to him he was still his blood and could not risk his demise nor would he allow himself to be dragged down by his impudence.

"Now you're even" he whispered as he glanced at Cassander and discreetly signalled in the direction of the distraught King in an attempt to assuage his pain. "You never could have him but now neither does he".

"You're wrong!" he murmured menacingly "they will still be with each other at Elysium or have you forgotten that ambassadors are now on their way to the Oracle of Siwa to petition Hephaistion's divinity?"

Iollas shook his head then fixed his gaze the scene in front of him - Alexander gently stroking the dead mans' forehead. Somehow he felt drained, torn between loyalty to the King and his kin.

With Alexander crazed with grief and longing, none of those present dared walk up to where he was and console him. They all were aware of the volatililty of the present situation. Sorrowful as he was, Perdiccas let his gaze wander across the room populated with persons who like him, belonged to the King's inner circle of friends. He could see on their faces who were truly in grief at his friend's passing or those who simply were there for fear of Alexander's wrath. Ptolemy, Leonnatus, Nearchus, Seleucus and Polyperchon could barely mask their grief, the rest displayed their respects for a dead comrade while the likes of Eumenes and the few other senior courtiers could barely conceal their animosity for the King's unbridled sorrow. Cassander's reaction seemed to pendulate between sorrow and resentment.

As the massive doors of the throne room creaked open and a commander slid in. Ptolemy, who stood near the door walk up to him and after engaging in a short conversation with the officer dismissed him and made his way towards Alexander now kneeling on the floor with his head hung, utterly silent and motionless.

Perdiccas joined Ptolemy as he informed the King that the Zoaroastrian priests have arrived to perform the third part of the Babylonian rites for the dead -the _ashaonam fravashayo_ - the consecration of food and clothing to ensure that their essence may sustain and clothe Hephaistion in his journey to the underworld. Slowly, Alexander rose and as if in a daze letting Ptolemy and Perdiccas walk him to his throne to partake in the rituals.

"That is good they have arrived as I also have something I want them done" he whispered to Perdiccas as he gathered enough strength to compose himself while the priests came forward and took their places to start the ceremony.

Halfway through the ritual, the _Ahunwar_ invocations to sanctify the dead which were sang and spoken, Perdiccas glanced at Alexander who seemed to be barely holding himself. The general was cowed but managed to recover himself as the King discreetly signalled that he was holding out.

The rituals over, Alexander motioned the chief priest and his assistants to him as he had Peucestas and Seleucus who mastered the Persian language best, summoned to join their group.

Peucestas, aside from Hephaistion was one of the strongest adherents of the King's Graeco- Persian attempts at unification. He intensively occupied himself with learning the Persian language and with Alexander's approval adopted the Persian dress - a move through which he earned the respect of the conquered people but incurred the distaste of his fellow Macedonians. As a reward for his efforts and dedication, his friend granted him the Satrapy of Persis shortly after being awarded a golden crown at Susa for saving the fallen King at the battle of Malli.

After having paid their respects to Alexander, he addressed them the reason for the audience with Peucestas as translator.

"Tell them that a great man has passed away. A man who has been in all a part of their King, as such also a great King himself"

As with their other friends from their days at Pella and Mieza, Peucestas knew how much love and trust existed between the two men. Though not that close to Hephaistion, he relished the times when he was in his company. Hephaistion's charm and intelligence always managed to hold his attention. He has seen countless of times how the cerulean-eyed man kept then prince and now King grounded and was also very much aware of how high Alexander valued his beloved. Peucestas translated to the priests what was just said as he held their full attention.

"He was the part of me I could never fully be. Calm, introspective and reasoned"

Seleucus noted the imperceptible nods they gave as the Satrap restated the King's words in Persian.

"And now, the man I consider as myself has gone to the underworld and it is only fitting that man be honoured as you would honour me, your King. As such it is only befitting that the sacred fire be extinguished".

Peucestas balked. He knew that in accordance with Persian royal tradition, the sacred fire was only to be extinguished upon the death of the Great King - of Alexander himself. He was unsure as to how his listeners would react to what they would hear -which they surely would consider a very grave act.

Alexander looked at him, his glance questioning his obvious hesitance. Seleucus, Perdiccas and Ptolemy glanced at each other -aware of the possible reaction this request could produce by the holy men gathered before them.

Sensing his continued reluctance, Alexander gave Peucestas a nudge. The satrap opened his mouth as if to protest. However seeing the King's unwavering gaze, set forth in his translation.

As he and the others expected, a cry of dismay and fright coursed through his listeners. All at once there was wailing and protests as some of the priests waved their arms in wild gesticulation of what could only be interpreted as despair, some of them pulling their hair. Alexander remained unmoved through the clamor. Seleucus, Perdiccas and Ptolemy came up to the King as Leonnatus, Nearchus, Peithon and Polyperchon rushed to the throne, surrounding him.

Peucestas descended from the throne's dais assuring them with his words as he mingled about and motioning the priests to be calm.

"And this fire shall remain extinguished until after Hephaistion's funeral rites are completed" Alexander set forth his request, raising his voice now harbouring a hint of impatience above the murmurs and the cries.

As the protests and the wailing subsided, he was called back by Alexander who surveyed the throng inquiring as to the reason for their wailing and their actions.

"They fear for you Alexander. They say that the sacred fire is to be extinguished only when the King-and that is you- dies..not for anyone else". The King gave his satrap a cold inscrutable stare but said nothing. Peucestas could feel his hairs stand on end. He however did not cease to deliver his translation.

"They say it is a bad omen. They think you are presaging your own death" Peucestas looked to his friends none of whom lost a word, their faces however mirroring their obvious consternation to what he just said.

"Is that so? " he inquired in a voice hinting sarcasm and disdain. "Then tell them what they fear shall not come to pass. Assure them that the appropriate sacrifices and offerings shall be made to set the bad omens to right." he commanded Peucestas who noticed how, despite the assurance in his voice carried none of the conviction it used to have. When finally Peucestas with the help of Seleucus managed to calm the priests down, they went about explaining to them as best they could the reason for the King's request -stressing Hephaistion's position in Alexander's life. Despite the explanations offered, the priests shifted their looks between Peucestas and Alexander unable to mask their dismay and fear.

Then in a clear and loud voice he addressed the gathered men. "Am I not King?… for if you say I am it is but fitting that my command be heard. And what I have told you my Lords, is a command. I expect it to be carried out and that immediately. That is all!"

Alexander stood up, and without so much as a glance at his friends and the priests, strode purposefully towards Hephaistion's coffin with Perdiccas,Nearchus, Ptolemy and Leonnatus behind him. Stopping to give Hephaistion's hand a kiss, he murmured, "Soon my dearest Phaistion… soon my love".

Ptolemy, registering the muttered promise shook his head as he, along with the others trailed Alexander as he headed for the door. Cassander, taking a last look at Hephaistion, strode wordlessly out the doors right behind and once out of the door walked in the opposite direction all from the others.

Iollas sighed and threw a glance at his erastes Medius of Larissa who belatedly had come to join them. Trailing behind those that made their exit, they initially started walking wordlessly in the direction his brother took but after a few steps turned around to follow the King's entourage. He realized there was not much he could say to his brother at this moment -as it has always been in the most critical of times ever since their childhood. Yes, they could not have been more different from each other and true, Cassander was and always will be very much his own master.


	17. Chapter 17

Cassander felt restless.

It had been so ever since he returned to his room. For a moment he thought of seeking out Iollas but decided against it. Having been away too long from his company he felt unsure as what to say to him. Besides they never were that close. He speculated that in all probability, his loyalty and allegiance to Alexander would be stronger than his binds to himself.

His thoughts turned to Alexander and what he witnessed in the throne room, finally fully comprehending the love he had for Hephaistion. From Nicanor's letters and from what was told him since his arrival in Ecbatana, he now realized how strong and powerful the binds were between the two men. He felt it. For as with Alexander, he was absolutely conscious of being capable of the same feelings. Seeing the extent of fair-haired man's grief he knew then they both were cast from the same mould. The only difference was, whereas the King had Hephaistion- he, Cassander never had the opportunity to experience the selfless and all encompassing love the likes of Hephaistion had to offer. True, he was not without affairs but they paled in comparison to the devotion the dead man offered to his lover. And now he has gone to the underworld and Alexander was alone. He wanted to gloat at this change of fortune but somehow, he could not -for it left a bitter taste.

_As a small child, Cassander though pretty by Macedonian standards, was not exactly the healthiest – suffering from asthma thus prone to colds more than the rest of his brothers or sisters. His father Antipater and mother Phila, seeing that this could be a possible disadvantage to their oldest son and heir made amends by trying to accommodate just about every wish he had, sometimes to protests of his siblings._

_Growing up aware of his health problems, he had learn to detest himself and sought recompense to what he perceived as a weakness -in obduracy and sheer bravado. He had strong-armed his younger brothers into keeping the knowledge about the state of his health within the confines of their keep._

_It was during those visits to the court of Pella with his father Antipater that the ambition grew within him to make himself a permanent fixture at the court of King Phillip. He knew that with his father's influence and friendship with the King that would not be difficult. He was determined to show entire Pella that he was someone to reckon with._

_With this aim in focus, he never passed up an opportunity to visit his father as he went about his daily business in the palace. It was on one of these occasions that he got to know the young Alexander._

_Initially, he thought the young prince to be an insufferable prig. All knowing for a child of six years, highly competitive in every conceivable manner possible and possessing a self-confidence that bordered on arrogance. Much later, Cassander had to concede grudgingly that it was Alexander's innate intelligence and his looks that redeemed him from being totally obnoxious._

_The first weeks of their friendship was fraught with constant differences of opinion as was bound to happen when two bull-headed personalities meet. It finally took King Phillip himself to effect a reconciliation between Alexander and the son of one of his most trusted Courtiers._

_Both boys came to an uneasy truce and gradually learned to accommodate each other. In the course of time, this had turned into friendship and for Cassander an infatuation towards the fair hair-boy. Despite the fact of the prince learning about his frail health through a slip of tongue by his brother Nicanor ( for which Cassander gave him a sound thrashing), Alexander fully accepted him and integrated him into his group which included general Parmenion's sons Philotas, Nicanor and Hector, Ptolemy son of Lagos (who in whispers was said to be Phillip's son with Arsinoe), Perdiccas, son of Orontes, Leonnatus son of Anteas and a close cousin of Alexander's, Peucestas, son of Alexander of Mieza, Laomedon son of Larichus, younger brother of Erygius, Seleucus son of Antiochus, Harpalos son of Machatas as well as his own brothers Iollas, and Nicanor._

_In time, Cassander learned that it solely was his own spoilt behaviour that Alexander found worth complaining about. However, through the guidance of his other tutor Lysimachus, the prince gradually learned to accept this shortcoming in his behaviour._

_What he lacked in health he made up in character. In more ways than once his natural bull-headedness was a match for Alexander's and the prince, finding his attitude challenging saw a match he could not resist. They had quarrels and fistfights as young boys were prone to have, yet they never lasted long. After a day or two at the most, they were back in each other's company having patched up their differences which made their quarrels nothing more than a passing squall on a hot summer afternoon._

_Then there was Mieza. Aristotle, and a returning fourteen-year old Hephaistion._

_It was then his world begun to change. Like impressionable boys everywhere, he was captivated by the cerulean-eyed lad. To him, Hephaistion's time in Athens seemed to have worked in his favour. Not only had he developed a confidence about him, but he had metamorphosed into a youth with unnervingly good looks, charm, intelligence and enviable wrestling prowess. He also had an openess about him that one could not help but fall for. In his fourteen year old mind he was convinced that it was only a matter of time that the cerulean-eyed boy would be his._

_What he in his young mind totally forgot to reckon with was Alexander._

_"So you have finally gotten yourself accustomed to Mieza…for you this must be just a village considering you have just been back from Athens two moons ago" Cassander remarked walking abreast Hephaistion as they left the room where Aristotle conducted his lessons._

_"Yes indeed. However , I am sure the country has it's advantages" Hephaistion replied as the slowed their pace down, not wanting to toady up to Alexander like the others in the his retinue who tried their best to catch up with the prince's pace._

_It was one of those hot, long drawn afternoons at the height of kalokeri . The meadow flowers of Mieza were in full bloom and the apple and pear trees were full of yet unripe fruit. The birds and the insects seemingly everywhere. Alexander expressed his desire to spend the afternoon by the river and all of them welcomed the idea, looking forward to cool themselves from the sweltering heat._

_As with Alexander and most of the boys in their group, having known Hephaistion as their playmate before his father General Amyntor was sent on a mission by King Phillip to Athens taking his family along with him four years earlier, Cassander was glad to see him back and was, aside from the prince himself among the first to welcome him. __After the initial euphoria of the reunion, the first few days after Hephastion's arrival was beset with dissention between the reunited prince and the newcomer, mainly over trivial things. The cerulean-eyed boy was confident enough to stand the prince's ground –being absolutely unimpressed by his title. Cassander watched with a satisfaction how Hephaistion believably and logically would post arguments against Alexander's polemic and sometimes intensely over-bearing attitude over everyone as well as his forcefulness in the classroom._

_What came as a surprise to him and sowed the seed of suspicion in his mind about the fair-haired boy's intentions, was the prince's oftentimes conciliatory attitude towards Hephaistion at the close of the sometimes heated discussions. He rarely had the luxury of experiencing this in all his time with Alexander._

_He begun to suspect that like him, the prince had also fallen for Hephaistion- who however up to that point seemed to remain open, affectionate and friendly to all those who accepted his presence._

_" I should say though that Alexander has changed. He wants to command everyone according to his wishes. He is not anymore the Alexander I knew from earlier" Hephaistion stated reflectively._

_Cassander nodded his assent. "Well if he hears that I think he would be none to pleased though"._

_"I can imagine. But that however does not change the truth. He was not like that four years ago" Hephaistion's voice was tinged with disappointment. "At least not to my memory" he added. _

_"I agree. But I would keep quiet for you own good" Cassander countered. Hephaistion grimaced._

_"My father and mother always said pity the man who is so in love with himself that he does not see his faults for it these very faults that shall bring him down." _

_Cassander, not possessing Hephaistion's sharpness of mind nor Alexander's inborn intellect, itched to ask Hephaistion for an explanation. It was the thought of himself appearing stupid to his friend that prevented him from doing so._

_"If he considers us his friends then it is but natural that we should be able speak our mind without fear of rebuke or punishment, is that not so?"_

_"I agree" came Cassander's thoughtful comment. Hephaistion nodded his assent. "We better hurry lest we be accused of holding up their fun...the last one is a dog." he added as he strode away from Cassander's pace then broke into a run with his friend taking up the challenge._

_****V****_

_The afternoon jaunt by the river proved to be a delight. They exchanged stories about kit and kin, played knucklebones, discussed Aristotle's teachings, lazed under the shade of the pine trees that studded the shore eating their provisions they took with them._

_As the day progressed Cassander noted how after the intial dissention between the prince and the Athenian (that was how the others called Hephaistion) over the assignment of duties they seemed to now be immensely enjoying each other's company - Alexander breaking out in delighted squeals of his high pitched laughter to Hephaistion's antics._

_With the evening drawing near, Cassander walked up to where Alexander and Hephaistion were, totally engrossed sorting out the plant specimens they collected for Aristotle. He reminded the Prince about them not missing the evening meal. Obviously disturbed from his cataloguing, Alexander rebuked him for thinking more of his stomach than his brain._

_Before Cassander could reply, Hephaistion immediately sprang to his defense in the hopes of avoiding an altercation having noticed that Alexander had been getting short-tempered with Cassander lately._

_"Now Alexander, I think all Cassander wanted to know is when we would head back to the sanctuary" Hephaistion stated in a low voice trying whilst using his eyes to warn Cassander not to say anything._

_"I believe you" came Alexander's curt reply "but why does he always only think of what he wants. It is always I, me, mine with him"._

_"I really don't think he means anything bad with that. Could it be possible you are looking at it the wrong way?" Hephaistion kept his voice light trying to diffuse the situation. He notice Cassander's hands form into fists and colour slowly creeping up his face- a sure sign that the boy was on the verge of unleashing his fury on the prince._

_Alexander gave Hephaistion a disdainful stare but remained silent. He refused to be cowered by the expression on the prince's face._

_"I can fight my own battles. Concern yourself not with my being Hephaistion". Cassander remarked. Hephaistion shook his head as his gazed turned toward Cassander and walked over to him slinging an arm over his shoulder and leading him away. He failed to catch the ire on Alexander's face._


	18. Chapter 18

"_Let it be my friend. I am sure Alexander did not intend to insult you." He assured Cassander as they stopped a few dactylae from where Alexander stood. _

_Then turning to the fair-haired boy and gifting him with his most charming smile "Come now Alexander, there really is no need for anger. This is all so petty. So unbecoming for a prince...besides Cassander surely meant no affront."_

"_To whom do you owe your allegiance to Hephaistion?" Alexander sneered at him masking his own feelings of jealousy._

"_By Hades, Alexander…we talk not of betrayal here. Cassander asked you a simple question. There really is no need for loss of temper " Hephaistion's pleaded. _

"_Think where your loyalties lie" Alexander glared at him, his indignation with Cassander seemingly forgotten._

"_By Zeus' thunderbolts don't make such a drama of this. This really is so very stupid! …To Hades with you both and your damnable pride. Hephaistion's voice sounded agitated as he stomped away leaving behind the mutually astounded Alexander and Cassander._

_Seleucus, Perdiccas and Erygius catching on the altercation begun taunting Alexander of being jealous about Hephaistion. The prince's initial thought was to castigate his hecklers-but then reconsidered. He would not give them the satisfaction of bearing truth to their innocent accusations._

_Alexander turned to see Cassander blushing. "I apologize, I really should not have let my temper get the better of me" he muttered to his friend who silently acknowledged his apology with a nod._

_Seleucus moved up to Perdiccas and mimed swooning - obviously aimed at the prince and Antipater's son. _

_However, in the back of his mind Cassander he knew that the apology the fair-haired boy expressed was not only for him but more implicitly to Hephaistion who now stood further downstream in conversation with Hector, Iollas and Leonnatus. He saw Alexander gazing at him, his eyes filled with longing. His musings had become a certainty. At that moment he was struck by jealousy -but __he steeled himself against it, determined to win Amyntor's son for himself. _

_Each time Alexander and Hephaistion got cross with each other, Cassander hoped that he was one step closer to gaining the cerulean-eyed boy's affection. Each time, he held the certainty that nothing would patch up the breach. He always made sure that when such incidents occurred, he was there to offer his sympathy to Hephaistion. He figured that eventually with Alexander out of the way, he would easily be able to beat fifteen year old Perdiccas who could simply not bring himself to make a move but rather shyly pine away at the object of his affection or Nicanor who, despite making light of his affections towards Hephaistion seemed unsure of himself._

_At the start of the moon of Gorpiaios, Cassander was euphoric. A court messenger arrived from Pella. Alexander was being recalled and was to depart immediately. Marsayas, who happened to be a friend of the courier was able to eke out the reason for the summons. King Phillip was embarking on a major campaign to Thrace and Alexander was to be briefed for his duties as Regent under Antipater's guidance in his absence. As campaigns went, Cassander figured that he at least had two weeks to turn his full attention on the cerulean-eyed boy. The gods have granted him the opportunity to finally gain Hephaistion's trust, bring forth his proposal and make Hephaistion see through his actions how much he cared for him._

_On the second day after Alexander's departure he sought out Hephaistion and found him in the Garden of the Nymphs with only Alexander's copy of the Iliad for company. He was so engrossed with his reading that he hadn't even noticed he now had a visitor. _

"_I did not realize you would be here… and what are you reading?" Cassander softly intoned breaking a low overhanging branch so as not to startle the boy._

_Hephaistion looked up from his reading and nodded, sighing as he did."The Iliad" _

_"You miss him don't you" Cassander remarked knowing fully well it was the prince's favourite anthology. __Hephaistion looked at the scroll of Alexander's favourite story then held close to his chest but did not loose a word. There was an unmistakeable sadness in his eyes that had turned a dark hue of blue._

"_I am here. I shall care for you" He said as he sat next to him on the stone bench, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulder. Giving him a chaste kiss on the temple. Hephaistion remaining quiet looked away. _

_Since the afternooon at the river, there was a solicitousness about Cassander the past weeks that did not escape the other boy's notice for which he was somehow grateful. He wanted to ber at peace with each of them. Many an evening he though about it. Cassander was so different around him -there was none of the obduracy and brashness that characterized him around the others. However, there too was Perdiccas with his shyness, Nicanor-son of Parmenion with his jocularity and Alexander. He realized that they too, each in his own way showed interest in him and it pleased him. Deep within however it was Alexander's attentions that held him most and that not because he was prince. They have already been very close to each other, even before his father took him and the rest of his family to Athens. He was slowly but surely awakening of the realization that it was more than just friendship he wanted with the fair-haired boy. He tried his best to negate the feeling. He knew the implications of a relationship with the prince, however the more he tried to turn the feelings away the more it festered -clinging to his heart and mind like an unbidden guest that would not leave. In his very essence he felt they were destined for each other. With Alexander's absence, he finally had to concede to the certainty his desire._

"_I am grateful for your concern Cassander…I really am" he said , his confidence waning on how he was to proceed next. "But it is useless for me to deny that I only can belong to one"._

"_Alexander?" there was disappointment that coloured Cassander's voice but also a hint of resentment could not be overheard. Hephaistion bit his lip unable to refute what was just said, simply nodding his head as an answer._

"_I should have known it…that for all your pretensions you also are toadying up to him. Being a prince has it's favours " he commented dryly his rancour fully coming to fore._

"_That's unfair. You know it's not all about that. Prince or hoplite... I could not care less. For me he is just Alexander, nothing else...besides we already were close to each other than most of you before I departed foru years ago." Hephaistion sounded emphatic. Then in avoice intended to soothe his pride "You have your virtues Cassander and your kindness and friendship I shall never forget. By Eros. how I wish that I could give you back what you so generously offer...but I cannot lie to myself and I am sure you would not want me to..either."_

_Hephaistion gazed at the boy with pleading eyes. Hoping in his heart that Cassander understood. _

"_Then go!... be with your Alexander!" with that statement he stood up and gave Hephaistion a violent shove unseating the boy and sending him tumbling onto the grass. Hephaistion's first instinct was to get up and land Cassander a mighty punch. But then Xenocrates words about how the heart shuts the mind down when overcomed by emotions and how such was a weakness of men intellectually less capable rang in his head so he picked himself up, said nothing glaring at Cassander who scowled back at him. He did not want the boy's pity or sympathy. Hephaistion reached out to touch his shoulder but his arm was batted away -receiving a hateful scowl for his effort. "I meant no rancour between us, Cassander" his voice pleading._

_Cassander sneered at him. He shook his head in silence and watched an indignant Cassander stride off._

_"I am sorry Cassander" he muttered "...so sorry. I love you too but I have to stay true to myself". Realizing that was the end of a friendship, his heart felt heavy as he let out a long drawn sigh. In his mind he called out Alexander's name, wishing he were with him. _

_Having been cosseted and pampered all this time - used to always getting his way, Cassander now faced rejection for the very first time in his young life. It was a feeling so foreign that confusion and anger welled within him. The next days after the incident with Hephaistion created an emotional vacuum within him that left him helpless and furious in turns. He made no attempts at concealment and branded everyone with his uncontrolled anger for even the smallest slight however unintentional it was. _

_He pointedly avoided Hephaistion's company despite the boy's attempts to placate him and the fact that it was shattering himself to pieces. Another new emotion he was wrestling with. He thought about the whole thing and clouded by negativity, came to the conclusion that if there was anyone to blame for his emotional misfortune it was Alexander. As for Hephaistion, he decided that if he could not have his affection he had to steel himself from allowing his heart to further be a victim of his own weakness. What better way there was than to despise him._

_He knew he would hurt the cerulean-eyed boy with his actions and deep within he prevised that he also would be hurting himself in the process but he also had an inkling that somehow time would mellow his distress. It was going to be between his sanity and Hephaistion's feelings. In such times, self-preservation was his utmost concern. A sacrifice had to be made and he definitely was not going to be the offering. _

_As luck would have it for Hephaistion, the next day another messenger came, this time to relay the message to him that both the King and the prince required his presence at Pella. __With the parting of their ways he acceded to himself that Hephaistion would be a constant reminder of an unfulfilled longing. He recognized he needed no such reminders -not in the midst of hardships, uncertainties, sacrifices and possibly death. So later, as Alexander drew the concrete plans for the Persian campaign, Cassander decided that Pella, alongside with his father would be the place for him. There was safety and security in it and most important, no Hephaistion. _

A knock on the door broke his musings. He called out to the visitor sheathing his dagger as he did so. It was Peithon and Iollas who had come to fetch him for dinner.

"Is everything well with you, brother?" Iollas inquired his tone coloured with concern. Cassander smiled at him. With Hephaistion's passing he finally found his peace of heart in Ecbatana.

"It could not be better". He grinned in response to Iollas skeptical glance. "Believe me, It really could not be better". With the remark, he headed for the door. Peithon and Iollas looked at each other wordlessly and simply shrugged their shoulders. Cassander was and would always be a puzzle for them.


	19. Chapter 19

Birdsong floated through the open windows. Aside from that there was only silence and the shuffling of feet as the men slowly filed into the smaller throne room used to receive the ambassadors and dignitaries. The servants and the pages milled about handing out cups of wine to the new arrivals.

Half a moon has passed since the day of the Chiliarch's death. Alexander had called his bodyguards for what was branded as an urgent meeting. As Perdiccas, Ptolemy, Nearchus, Leonnatus, Peithon, Seleucus and Eumenes as well as an assorted number of other Macedonian and Persian generals entered the hall they all were surprised to find themselves in the company of Deinocrates-the army's best architect seated alongside Alexander obviously in the process of concluding what they were discussing.

As for Alexander himself, they noted that he seemed to have now collected himself. Though still looking unrested and emaciated, he was bathe and shaven -though his golden hair had still the unruly look about it due to its uneven shearing -earning looks of bewilderment and silent consternation from most of the generals who were nonetheless relieved on seeing their King for the first time after his self-imposed isolation. Perdiccas and Ptolemy, having known the man to a greater degree of intimacy than the rest, were filled with scepticism. They have noted the far-off glint in his eyes-not a dreamy look that characterized his normal gaze but rather a brittle hardness, totally devoid of the luminosity that mirrored his soul.

"Take a seat if you may" he announced. "It is my assumption that Deinocrates presence raises some questions in your mind. You all know who he is, do you not?" he stressed his question by pointing at the man about the same age as Ptolemy. All the men gathered nodded their heads in agreement thinking Alexander was being presented with a new siege machine or a catapult.

"Eumenes", he addressed the secretary who readied his scrolls and stylus " I want you to put down in record all that we discuss that none may feign ignorance thereafter".

The secretary nodded in assent, barely looking at Alexander.

"I have called him here today to inquire about the progress about the plans for Hephaistion's pyre and am glad to say that he has finally completed it. He shall be leaving for Babylon the day after the morrow and work shall commence as soon as he arrives. I am sending all available engineers, sappers and workers that I and yourselves can spare"

He looked around the room awating their reaction. Ptolemy noticed his strained sounding voice and glanced at Perdiccas who looked back at him but lost no word. It was Peithon who broke the silence pledging half his taxis of pezhetaroi. Seleucus pledged his half his taxis of sappers as did Leonnatus and Nearchus. Perdiccas and Ptolemy all their engineers save but a few as well as a fourth of their taxeis. Having made their pledges there was a contentment about Alexander as he unfurled the scroll that lay before him.

"Generals, I have here with me the magnificent plan that our friend here Deinocrates has outlined for Hephaistion's pyre and I can assure you that the world has never seen the likes of it before nor in all probability will ever witness such again. A tribute befitting a person who deserves nothing but the very best. A person who I loved as myself".

Murmurs of assent swirled through the room but Perdiccas knew that for some it was more out of fear for the King than acquiescence.

Upon the King's signal, Deinocrates stood as he unrolled one of the scrolls and begun in his sonorous voice to give the men an idea of what his plans were. He started by explaining that the Pyre was to be built in Babylon due east of the southern palace along the inner wall which was to be levelled off to the length of ten stades for it's construction. He stated that its height inclusive of the crowning statue of Aphrodite would be as tall as the Zigurrat. It was to be a square edifice with each side a stadia in length. This shall be divided into thirty compartments, the roof of which shall be supported by palm tree trunks. The interiors shall be decorated with golden prows of closely aligned quinquiriemes as well as figures of archers and other male statues. The second level with torches adorned with gold wreaths as well as eagles looking down on serpents. The third level were to contain a variety of wild animals being pursued by hunters. The fourth, a centauromachy rendered in gold. On the fifth level, figures of lions and bulls all done in gold. The next higher level was to be decorated with Macedonian and Persian arms. On top of these were figures of sirens hollowed out to accommodate the persons who would sing the lamentations.

Perdiccas gazed at Alexander who sat listening though seemingly unaware of his surroundings. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts as Deinocrates elucidated his plan to his listeners. His eyes held a faraway look, not unlike those secretively communicating glances he and Hephaistion would throw at each other during meetings like these. Looks given in silence but roaring with unspoken understanding and love.

_Is he here with you now Alexander?..Do you hear his words? _The question flickered in his mind.

He let his eyes travel to the others who were in the room to distract himself from the melancholy feelings that that were threatening to engulf him. Most of the men held themselves at rapt attention as the architect spoke. Some looked politely away to mask their uneasiness over what they considered the height of ostentatiousness, a few unable to mask their disbelief and Eumenes, who despite being occupied with recording the proceedings could not help but flinch over what he just heard. Perdiccas was certain that he was itching to comment on what he surely considered the height of pompousness.

_One word…one false word and that could be your end ._

His thoughts were interrupted as Alexander's voice-sounding quite hoarse invaded his senses exhorting them to make known the plans to the Kings and Satraps of his empire to contribute whatever they could to this undertaking.

A murmur ran through the assembled crowd. Then, one after the other they expressed their commitment to the cause assuring Alexander of doing their utmost for the success of the plan.

Alexander acknowledged their pledges with a wan smile and proceeded with his monologue;

"..and I also would like to take this opportunity to announce an appointment of great importance" Turning then in the direction of Perdiccas, he set forth "I hereby declare that as of today, General Perdiccas son of Orontes, a descendant of the Argead dynasty who as each of you know is one of the most loyal and capable generals this army has ever produced, shall command the Hipparchy of our dear departed Hephaistion".

Suddenly all eyes were trained upon him. Alexander continued "The Hipparchy shall continue to be identified by Hephaistion's standard and shall carry his name but shall fall under Perdiccas command"

The dark-blonde general was utterly confounded. There were times in the past few days he wondered what would happen to to Chiliarch's men. However, it never occurred to him that Alexander would grant him the honour. At that moment he could not help but wonder if it was a legacy from his dear friend. He trained his eyes at the King who now motioned him to arise.

"I propose a toast". Alexander intoned as he clutched his cup while a servant re-filled it. "To Perdicass, son of Orontes. The new commander of Hephaistion's hipparchy" after a brief pause "and to Hephaistion, may the gods look kindly upon him and grant him through the request of his King and partner, the honours of a god"

The men called out both their names in chorus as they tipped the contents of their cups. Alexander's circle of friends could not fail to notice the glistening in his eyes. Going over to where Perdiccas stood, he held him in a trembling embrace whilst whispering in an emotionally laden tone that what was meant for his ears alone. "He believed in you. He had trust in you. This is his legacy. Guard it as you always did him… for his and my sake".

All he could do was nod imperceptibly for he knew if he let a word out, his defences would totally breakdown.

The members of the seven that were present- Eumenes, Leonnatus, Nearchus, Ptolemy, Seleucus, Peithon and himself, were requested to stay on as the other generals bade their leave. As the door to the room finally closed and the pages and servants have retreated, Alexander bade them to sit as he headed to where Deinocrates sat but remained standing.

"Most of you have known Hephaistion from our days in Pella and Mieza, though some thought him nothing more than a syncophant, a toady and my lover" he posed, training his reproaching gaze at Eumenes who looked absolutely flustered and fearful at the same time. " Yes he was and will always be my lover. But more than that... and for which I am thankful that most of you present realize, he was impressive in his abilities as a diplomat, logistics officer and general".

Alexander's eagle-eyed gazed travelled from one face to another as he regarded them whilst encircling the table. His eyes blazing with an intensity and conviction they have not long seen.

"I am sure you are aware, having been with me for the longest time that he was also my repose, my sanity, my refuge and the other half of my soul. As such each of you here surely will realize how much this undertaking means to me as your King but more importantly as Alexander…his Alexander. Therefore I implore you as Alexander and command you as your King to do all possible to ensure the success of this task".

"Alexander, you can be assured that I, as your friend and subject… and I am quite sure my comrades too shall do our very best for this to succeed". Peithon's voice reverberated through the entire hall.

Everyone of them stood and made the gesture signifying their commitment.

"Thank you my dear friends" he replied in a tremulous voice that masked a deeper pain threatening to rise to the surface.

As he sat down, he signalled the architect his turn. Deinocrates knew that what he was about to reveal would be mind-staggering for some if not all of them. However, he was supremely confident that the means would justify the end. He expounded on the minutae of his design in the hope of cushioning the blow he was about to deliver. After much explaining and appealing to their understanding, he was confident that he finally had them where he wanted their mindset to be. Towards the end , he was sure he had primed their brains enough for them not to fall into distress of what they were about to hear.

"Ten thousand talents?!" Eumenes rasped unable to conceal his shock. There was a moment or two of uneasiness. But most of them, having had an inkling where the architect's monologue was leading to, showed a mild surprise to what was revealed. Eumenes suddenly felt all eyes on him. The secretary tried to explain his reaction stating it could be difficult to raise such a huge amount in such a short time, amending however by declaring his willingness to do his share.

Ptolemy and Perdiccas could barely hide their smirk as they looked at one another -then at Alexander, who sat rigid on his chair throwing Eumenes a furious stare as he commented in a voice dripping with sarcasm, remembering the man's refusal to give him a loan claiming he possessed no gold only to be rebutted when his tent was burned down. "As always my dear Eumenes…as always. Worry yourself not, for I have learned my lesson not to impose upon you" and continuing as he stood up, heading towards the visibly shaken man "neither would Hephaistion, of that I am certain".

"Pardon me, Alexander" his voice stuttering in obvious dread " I meant no slight..you know how I sometimes am prone to talk without thinking. It must be the wine. I swear on the gods never did I intend to insult your judgement nor Hephaistion's shade..you know that".

"I know that dear Eumenes... I really, really do" there was a hypnotic quality to the King's voice as he assured him by laying a hand on his left shoulder to signify his disposition. Eumenes winced at the force of the King's understanding as pain coursed through his shoulder.


	20. Chapter 20

Seleucus, anxious to avert an altercation being aware of Alexander's state of mind, announce that he would immediately dispatch couriers to all lands enjoining them to participate. The others immediately concurring as Alexander gesticulated his acknowledgement.

"Then it is decided" He concluded in a voice so lifeless that no one in the room has ever hear before. As Alexander sat down he unrolled yet another scroll which unbeknown to any of them contained further decrees.

"Secretary Eumenes" Alexander addressed the man in a disturbingly formal and cold manner "I am to assume you know where we left off...where you are to continue?"

"Yes my King" he replied his face mirroring the terror from within. Perdiccas recognized Alexander's attempts at expiation he owed Hephaistion for initially siding with the secretary during their last altercation with each other at Susa.

"Then I am pleased". There was a coldness in the way he stared at Eumenes that did not escape the notice of all that were present in the room.

Alexander had entered into a new world which everyone was aware would affect each of them and its hypostasis had a name. Hephaistion.

****V****

On the evening of the second day after Alexander met with his generals, Seleucus, along with Perdiccas, Nearchus, Leonnatus, Peithon and Ptolemy gathered themselves in the half-empty banqueting hall planning on drinking to celebrate Perdiccas promotion. Being the ones closest to the dead Hephaistion, it was but natural that the common feelings of sorrow found the group together. Fundamental experiences such as they were undergoing forge bonds between human beings seeking solace in each other even if only in silence. Alexander's behaviour was still mercurial -given to bouts of anger alternating with melancholia. True Bagoas services have been recalled and it has been said that he had visited Roxanne's chambers, but even the Eunuch or the Queen had not been able to lift his somber mood. Each on of the back of his mind, they had questions upon questions that sought answers concerning the King's mental state, which due to their individual feelings of apprehension were hesitant to voice.

"So, how did Hephaistion's men take on your appointment as their new commander?" Seleucus fielded the question, unable to voice out the questions that burned on the back of his mind.

"There has not been much resonance to that, most of his men are still deep in mourning over the loss of their commander". Perdiccas answered in an insipid voice. "Actually, I never realized until now how loved and respected Phaistos was both by our men and that of the conquered tribes. Where caring for his men were concerned, he truly was also Alexander…I can only hope I will be a worthy replacement in their eyes".

"I am sure you will" Nearchus remarked giving his shoulder a fraternal pat. "Aside from Alexander himself, you were closest to him…surely you have an idea as to how he did things" Perdiccas nodded.

"Just do as you saw Hephaistion do it, then I believe you cannot go wrong" Leonnatus added. Six pairs at eyes regarded him gingerly. Each knowing that Hephaistion's death still weighed on Perdiccas spirit.

Earlier on as they awaited Perdiccas arrival, they have discussed Alexander's orders and decrees concerning Hephaistion. They all agreed that it was but natural that Alexander seek the oracle's confirmation of honorific divinity for his beloved. While they found the amount for the pyre enormous, they understood their friend's desire to tell the world of his love and honour for his beloved by way of sparing no expense for his parting but ephemeral gift. They also conceded that while it might turn out to be an arduous task for him to convey his dead friend's bier to Babylon as the King had designated, they all were aware, there was none a more fitting person than Perdiccas to carry out the task. It was the King's way of acknowledging the wonderful friendship that grew between the three of them.

"In the same manner that Hephaistion would be proud of you conveying his remains to Babylon" Peithon intoned. Perdiccas heaved a sigh. "I would like to think though that Hephaistion would have found this really all too much".

"I believe this is Alexander's way of atoning for all shortcomings he committed against him-especially not being by his side at his hour of leave" Ptolemy remarked "and being the way he is, it would not be far off that by doing all this obsequies he hopes not only for Hephaistion's absolution for what he sees as his faults against him but as well as to better Achilleses burial rites for Patroclus".

All those present nodded. "It is his gift to his Patroclus in the same manner of having decreed that every town and city that Hephaistion founded and settled built a memorial in his honour". Leonnatus added.

"I really never believed their relationship would stand the onslaught of time" " Nearchus mused reflectively. The others turned their gazes to him "I was sure that sooner or later Olympias with all her schemes to separate the two of them would win. It really must have wormed her to see that her pleas and threats to Alexander came to naught and that after all these years they were still together until Hephaistion's end."

"It has been said that Olympias had been vilifiying Hephaistion in her letters to Alexander." was Leonnatus's comment.

Ptolemy laughed humourlessly. Perdiccas and Leonnatus snorted. Seleucus and Peithon could barely suppress their knowing smirk.

"Olympias…Olympias" Ptolemy murmured not without a tinge of sarcasm in his tone. "No doubt she loves Alexander. However her's is the stunting, smothering kind. A love that would not let him be as he is ...she is just too blind to see that her mother's love could never be enough for Alexander. She really never knew her son nor do I believe does Alexander wanted to see her again" and as an afterthough he added " especially now without Hephaistion who was his anchor through his mother's stormy intrigues."

"Does anyone of us really know him…apart from Hephaistion?" Seleucuses voice sounded plaintive. Then answering his question himself he continued "No, none of us I guess…perhaps you, Perdiccas?"

"Alexander is like his shield. He is gold, he is silver, he is very intricate. Just when you think you have identified a design in the glare of daylight, it moves then you realize because of how the light bounces off it that what you have perceived it to be is not what it really is." Perdiccas intoned. All the others nodded in agreement.

"Wisely said" Nearchus remarked "however forget not that the change in reflection can only be brought about by the force that moves it".

"His Himeros" Peithon intimated.

"I am inclined to believe his Pothos" Seleucus postulated.

"His daimon?" Leonnatus surmised.

"Yes my friends it is all that" Ptolemy smiled sedately "but apart from that there is…."

"Hephaistion" Perdiccas remarked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"There we have it" Ptolemy sounded gleefully emphatic. "Hephaistion was the voice of reason he did not possess, the patience he lacked and the logic in organization of things he could not be bothered with".

"Now he is gone from him….I honestly fear for his inner sanity" Perdicccas spoke in a hush as if he were revealing a truth proclaimed by the oracles. "True he seems to have the worst behind him… but have any of you looked into his eyes as of late?…has anyone of you noticed the absence of the sparkle that reflects his innermost...they are extinguished. It is almost like he just is going through the motions but not really living"

The intensity of Perdiccas statement left everyone silent and not a little apprehensive. He had without being asked, answered the essential question that festered at the back of their minds. The undistinguished fear lingering in their heads that has suddenly been given substance. They cast their wary glances around as if to ensure none that should not hear such declaration might be within earshot -each knowing all to well what was just said could be easily misconstrued as treasonous.

"I simply stated what my eyes have seen" Perdiccas added as if reading their thoughts, sounding apologetic but agitated "By Zeus and all the gods of Olympus, I swear I harbour no enmity nor do I wish any harm towards our King nor our dead Chiliarch's memory. I have noted through your reactions that the question has been burning on your minds. I merely supplied my own answer to it".

They all inclined theirs heads in wordless acquiescence knowing fully well he spoke the truth. It was Leonnatus that broke the silence.

"Is that to mean then that he has lost his will to live?… for if so, I beg to disagree. Did not Alexander mention the Arabian campaign we were to embark on after Hephaistion's rites at our last caucus? "

"He shall recover" Ptolemy's voice hinted at a slight irritation over what he considered pessimistic ruminations of them men around him "we have to afford him time to regain his footing with the surrounding reality of having to go on without Hephaistion".

"I opine that he is more than hardy and shall overcome his grief and sorrow " Seleucus affirmed " Alexander has not come this far only to meet an ignoble end. He always has been destined for greatness beyond what us mortals can achieve. We have been with him at Delphi, Dodona at Siwah and the oracles have validated his labours. Our successes cannot even reach up to his failures"

"Seleucus speaks the truth" Leonnatus commented. "We have been witnesses to his accomplishments surpassing even that of his ancestors Achilles and Heracles even Dionysus he is….."

Leonnatus sentence hung in mid air as suddenly each was aware of the silence that enveloped the hall. They noticed that most of the heads were trained at the arched entrance. Turning their heads, they were greeted by the sight of Alexander resplendent in a black woolen chiton, his royal cloak a deep purple, a golden wreath on his head standing at the doorway with his pages and Bagoas behind him. He lingered, gazing at his dining couch set upon the low dais as if contemplating whether to take his seat there or leave be.

Although lasting only a couple of minutes, for all that were present it seemed an eternity watching the King silent and motionless, staring at what all the men in the hall knew to be the place where the King and his beloved enthroned themselves during dinners in happier times.

Wordlessly, Perdiccas stood up from his couch and made his way to a very forlorn and lost Alexander. As he lay an arm on his shoulder, Alexander clasped him in an embrace whispering in his ear, his voice pained "I still cannot take that he is gone, Perdiccas. I need him. I need my Hephaistion back... I need my soul back".

"Come Alexander" he said in a low voice, steering him to where the rest sat "keep us company. Stay with us. We are your friends and we love you too". There was nothing else Perdiccas could say.


	21. Chapter 21

Numerous eyes followed their progress as the King and his General made their way to where the group were. Most of them secretly grieved to see their King in such state.

The couch against the wall commanding a view of the entire banqueting hall is what they proposed that Alexander should occupy. A suggestion he acceded to. He then let his gaze wander about surveying his officers who have averted their gazes of pity and sympathy from him. It then lingered on to his own couch that stood empty on the dais. His cup was brought before him, one of Iollas' boys taking a sip before setting it before him. Taking it, he made a toast.

"Let us raise our cups to all those dear to us that we may never loose sight of the love, the joy and fulfillment they bring in our lives". Each of the men present knew that Alexander's statement was but another attempt to alleviate the feelings of guilt he felt for his neglect of Hephaistion.

_Until when will you punish yourself..._ Perdiccas considered not without empathy _he understood you my friend more than you understand yourself. He may not have told you about it so often but he did. It was his love for you that enabled him do so._

Everyone held up their cups as they trained their eyes on Alexander who emptied his cup in one quick swig.

"And I say…" Ptolemy intoned "raise our cups to Alexander that all his plans for the morrow be attained and crowned with success". Together with them, the fair-haired man held his cup high, again downing it contents faster than the rest of them. Perdiccas however, could not help but notice the trace of a tired sardonic grin that played on his lips as he motioned the servant to refill it once more.

As the evening progressed, Alexander seemed to ease up. There were moments of sullenness but he was responding –though in a very subdued manner to Peithon's and Seleucus attempts to make him laugh recalling their adventures as young men in Pella and Mieza.

What did not escape the mens' notice was the haste with which he paced his drinking and consequently the amount of wine he was imbibing. The huge rhyton that he ordered the servants brought to where they sat was almost empty and the second hour was barely over. There also was a worried look that played about Bagoas face who was seated on a thronos to Alexander's side that caught Leonnatus' eye.

The King was deep in a conversation with Ptolemy , Nearchus and Peithon about the funeral games he was planning in honour of his dead beloved where a total of three thousand athletes and artists were to be invited and no expense was to be spared to ensure that the festivities had the grandness befitting the person it was going to be dedicated to. Leonnatus took the King's distraction to discreetly signal Perdiccas to counsel the King about slowing down his drinking, having noticed that his speech was beginning to slur. Collecting his wits, Perdiccas waited for a pause in Alexander's conversation to convey their concern.

"Alexander" he addressed him while eyeing his empty cup that again was being replenished by a servant "there are delegates arriving tomorrow from Alexandria to pay their respects to Hephaistion. I have been advised that the high priests of Ptah, Re, Thoth and Khnum are with them. As their pharaoh surely you would want to be present would you not?"

"Tis true Alexander. Their heralds presented themselves to Chares this afternoon and have given their credentials" Nearchus added.

He snorted " Let them come. It was about time they made their presence known". his voice which was unmistakeably disparaging matched the expression he gave Perdiccas.

"But surely you would not want to dishonor their office, after all you are their godhead" Seleucus intervened in a soothing voice trying to avert a negative reaction.

The King eyed him with derision. "And what has that brought me?... Am I really that?"he commented growling at them.

"For if I am then it must be in my power to have averted Hephaistion's death ...as Aphrodite did for Aineas… or perhaps even bring him back. But nothing in that manner has come to pass". There was a bitterness in Alexander's voice he would not conceal. Then as if suddenly recalling how his words came about he said forcefully "They will just have to wait until I am ready to receive them!"

Ptolemy grasped Alexander's wrist as he raised the full cup to his lips. The rest of them shrank at his action, anticipating an adverse reaction.

"Xandros" using his childhood name as he called out to him in a firm but gentle tone. "you do need a clear mind for the morning. If your really want this then let us call for us to come again together in the morrow".

His senses muddled by the wine, he brusquely elbowed Ptolemy aside barely managing to maintain his own balance, almost toppling from his couch. "Do you think it of import to me?..they cannot bring back Hephaistion anymore than I can." his response was coldly blunt.

His friends were awe-struck. Compared to most of them, Alexander always paid obeisance to the gods, never speaking of them in such terse manner. But something in him seemed to be changing. There was this almost derogatory tone they were hearing for the first time after all these years of having known him. First he orders the burning of Asclepius temple in the center of town then disregards the warnings of the Zoroastrian priests about the sacred fire and now this malice that seemed to be tearing at his soul.

Ptolemy regarded him thoughtfully-a sadness claiming his psyche. _"Where is this all leading to my friend... Is this your way of making good your promise to follow him?" _

While none of them possessed Alexander's religious fervour, they nevertheless could not help but be aghast hearing him as he spoke. This sudden attitude of recklessness towards his own destiny beyond war, calamity and conquest was something they could not fully comprehend. For them it appeared as though Alexander was tempting the Fates.

But he was not. Ever since his childhood he had steeled himself against the vagaries of life in reflection of his ideals. The punishments of Leonidas, being the pawn of Olympias and Phillips animosities, the hardships of exile, the wounds of battle, betrayals of trust and his own daimon. There were the unknowns of being that Aristotle made him aware which he primed himself for to confront. But with all that, nothing truly prepared him for this. Hephaistion's death had hit him at his most sure yet vulnerable self -leaving him lost and helpless. In his desire to better his ancestors, Alexander had thoroughly patterned his and Hephaistion's lives and their intense feelings for each other in the mould of their beloved heroes. He aimed at outdoing Achilles in his love and affection for Patroclus. True, they spoke about death to each other in their private moments but Alexander, in the back of his mind always thought that both of them would die together -gloriously in battle as did his heroes of the Trojan war or the lovers of the Sacred band. However, that his beloved would be claimed by Thanatos through some miscreant doctor in his absence was not something he had reckoned with and that was what grieved him most. It was not the Homeric ideal he had strived for himself and his beloved. Amongst his closest friends it was Perdiccas, Ptolemy and strangely enough Cassander who had an inkling to this.

"Tis true Alexander and none of us can refute you" Seleucus intervened "however, we are certain, that were Hephaisition present, he would disapprove of what you do as he has always done since our days at Pella and Mieza".

The King was unrepentant. He slid from his dining couch and stood up, swaying lightly as he addressed him. "Surely you do not intend to take his place…do you Seleucus?... Or perhaps any amongst you present" his tone was mocking has he eyed them individually.

Leonnatus was unable to suppress a groan. "Xandros, you know that none of us here is capable of standing in Hephaistion's stead. None of us can supplant the place he holds with you and by the gods we are truly aware of that" breaking his counsel with a sigh he set forth "I am positive what Seleucus meant is that you have to guard your well being. Hephaistion's demise is hard enough for us. We cannot afford to loose you too."

The King stared at him with glassy eyes, lost in his thoughts. Everyone held their breath in suspense, preparing for a surge of unreckonable emotion with which Alexander seemed to be proned to every since Hephaistion's death. But then, he wordlessly nodded his assent and sat down. Each of those surrounding him gave a secret sigh of relief. Glancing at him, Perdiccas, Ptolemy and Seleucus barely managed to hide the pity they felt for him.

"News has come today from our couriers that the Cosseans are making it difficult for our people to go through their territory" Peithon announced in an effort to dispel the gloom that has settled upon the group with their uneasy silence.

"I have heard they are demanding tribute from us, as they did from Darius and the Kings before him. At least that is what the local populace and merchants that travel between here, Susa and Babylon say" Seleucus added.

A discussion broke out amongst them on how best to quell the trouble while Alexander listened but made no move to comment. The opinions were divided. Perdiccas, Seleucus and Leonnatus were for a campaign, while Ptolemy, Nearchus and Peithon were for negotiation with the brigands.

"So they want their tribute" Alexander 's voice, though almost unintelligible held an ominous, disdainful quality to it. His face flushed a bright red from the wine and determination. "Then they shall be given what they desire...but not before they have given their own tribute. His voice held a rage that he attempted to suppress. "Generals!… we shall go on a campaign against them" Then in a chillingly resolute tone he added "this campaign shall be done…must be done as an offering to Hephaistion's shade!"

His words prompted them to stillness. It only was all to clear to them what that meant. The Cosseans too would suffer the ignominious fate that befell the Thebans and Tyrians. They knew that while there would be no sacking and looting, any form of resistance would be mercilessly crushed. There would be blood. Lots of blood. Achilles in the Trojan war had demanded no less as vengeance for his dead Patroclus.

"Now, I shall retire, mindful of your concerns my friends." There was the suggestion of a smile on his face as he slid down from the height of the couch. But before he could pull himself to his height, he came back crashing down on the couch. All his generals, pages and the servants about him were dismayed but none dared to move on him. He let out a curse followed by a scornful laugh at his own clumsy attempts to pull himself upright.

"I shall manage. Worry not my friends… I really am capable" he chuckled almost to himself toppling down a second time. But vexed they all were. Unmindful of a negative repercussion, Perdiccas rose and took Alexander by the arm to steady him as he helped the King regain his balance when he finally got on his feet.

"Come Xandros" he said in a most soothing voice "let us bring you to your chambers so you can rest…it shall be a busy day for you tomorrow". He looked at Perdiccas and gave him a crooked grin -akin to somebody who was been told a joke that one has already heard.

"You just sound like Phaistion..truly you do... If I did not see your countenance I could have sworn I was listening to my beloved Hephaistion " he babbled, obviously consumed by the effects of wine. Leonnatus and Nearchus looked away, unable to bear the tragic scene.

Slowly the small procession wound through the hallways in the direction of the King's chambers. It was at his door that the others bade their farewells with their promises to be at the main throne room when the Egyptian priests performed their rites and prayers to invoke Osiris -The Egyptian diety of death- for Hephaistion. The pages have gone ahead into his rooms to prepare his sleeping chamber and draw the bath. As Perdiccas assisted by Bagoas led Alexander into his quarters, he granted the eunuch his leave. Perdiccas could see how much the young man wanted to keep to the King's side.

"You may go Bagoas. I shall summon you if need be. ..Go!" The eunuch opened his mouth to protest but before he could utter a word, Perdiccas glanced at him and nodded his head bidding him to be gone as commanded. Bagoas fled the room in tears.

Alexander's body servants fussed about disrobing him, preparing him for his bath -himself being in no state to do so. As he reached the doorway to the bathing chamber, he turned around "Please stay… Perdiccas. Stay and keep me company…even if only for the night". There was sadness and loneliness in his voice that sent waves of pity through the general's being. Perdiccas thoughts turned to Hephaistion, his own sorrow coming to fore, barely enabling him to reply "If it is your wish Alexander "

Alexander turned to his trusted page Phocion and ordered him to inform the guards of the General's presence for the night. In his heart Perdiccas knew it was Hephaistion that Alexander longed to spend the night with. Part of him wanted to protest. However he could not find his voice to do so. He had no strength to refuse a friend, no courage to spurn a soul drowning in sorrow -clinging to straws of memories of a love gone -all in a desperate effort to assuage his numbing pain.


	22. Chapter 22

All the braziers in the King's chambers have been kindled to ward of the chill of the nights that were typical in the lunar of Appellaios. The trees have shed all their leaves and soon snow would begin to fall. The night was quiet as most of the birds have gone south. Aside from the calls of the animals that roamed the night and the occasional call of the sentries there was nothing to break the stillness of the realm of Hypnos.

Waiting for Alexander to be done with his bath, Perdiccas had a look around the room. As with the others, he had been often here before but somehow this time something was different. It took a couple of minutes before it dawned on him. As with the other rooms he also had a bust of Hephaistion here. He also had seen it before, but what struck him was where the bust use to plainly stand on a plinth, there had been a table added before it. It was an ornate piece of wood, plated with silver and gold inlaid with agate, lapis and obsidian. On it, were the statues of the gods, all thirteen of them-all exquisitely done, every detail captured. There too were items that he had seen on Hephaistion. Fibulae, gold and silver armbands, rings and locks of hair held together by a braid of silver and gold threads which could only belong to the dead man.

As he held it in his hand, Alexander's voice resounded. "He gifted that to me before the battle of Chaeronea to remember him by…if he fell" he said as he took it from him.

Perdiccas was startled but managed to conceal it. "So long ago" he remarked. His eyes followed Alexander heading toward the bed where his Persian clothes were, watching as he slipped into the trousers the pages laid out for him.

"Not long enough…we still had so many plans, Arabia, the gates of Heracles, then up to the northern forests where the Celts live. He was to give me sons and daughters from Drypetis that they may one day marry my own, whence our blood would be one"

He strode towards the King, holding him in an embrace. "But we still are here Alexander and we stand behind you, steadfast and true to make your dreams realities".

"I know" his fair-haired friend replied "and for that I am thankful" He let out a long drawn sigh to relieve his chest constricted by emotions. "However, it won't be the same without him Perdiccas, nothing shall ever be again."

"How I wish there was something I could say to help you Alexander…to ease your pain and loneliness but I don't know what or where to begin. I am but a poor replacement for Phaistion"

Alexander held his face in his hands. "Your presence consoles me and that is enough. Hephaistion would have thought that way too..of that I am sure." Perdiccas bowed his head in silent agreement as he sat him on the klismos that stood by the bed and handed him a cup of wine which he drank gratefully.

He lay on the bed next to the fair-haired man having divested only his sandals, cloak and cuirass listening to the sighs Alexander made in his sleep. Earlier on, he contemplated on making himself comfortable on the couch that stood in the corner of the enormous sleeping chamber. However as Alexander lay down, he had invited Perdiccas to share his bed. Initially he considered refusing but then, recalling the promise he made to the dead Hephaistion to see to his beloved's well-being in whatever way possible, he relented. The deceased man's presence in the King's chambers was just too palpable.

Perdiccas did not imbibe on the wine as much as Alexander did. Thus he lay there, listening to his friend's continuing talk about Hephaistion and their general plans, his mind finally grasping the enormity and scope of Alexander's reliance on his beloved. As the effects of the wine manifesting itself on his senses, the King fell into an uneasy slumber.

He lay there. Awaiting Hypnos to claim him, thoughts roiling his mind. The things they spoke of earlier on, his being assigned to convey Hephaistion's remains to Babylon while his King accomplished his mission of defeating the Cosseans as offering and most of all the implication of his being requested by Alexander to stay the night and even share his bed.

He knew from Hephaistion's stories that in the light of the conspiracies on his life, Alexander had become so wary about sharing his chambers with anybody else aside from his Pages, Bagoas and Hephaistion. He also was very much aware that his fair-haired friend allowed only two people to share his bed for the night. Therefore Alexander's invitation for him to share it distressed him in a way. With the recognition of his own guilt towards the dead man for taking the eunuch to his bed, Perdiccas knew Bagoas would never find his way to the King's bed again. However, he also was aware of how needy Alexander has always been and is, of manifestations of physical affection. He dismayed at his thoughts that this neediness could cause his downfall.

He was about to fall asleep when he suddenly felt Alexander stir. As he glanced at him he could make out in the dim light that he was not awake. This was nothing extraordinary, he had seen so many people do so in that state. What he found disconcerting though was the fact that laying on his side facing him, he was tightly clutching some obscure thing and the beddings as a man who was drowning would clutch onto whatever would keep him afloat. There too were the low sounds the man was emitting. Sounds that were akin to someone being strangled accompanied by short but violently jerking movements. For a moment or two Perdiccas was consternated – unable to decide what to do. But then before he could act, Alexander settled again. Having seemingly fallen back into deep sleep.

_Ah Alexander…what are we to do with you? _His thoughts held despair _Tell us how we can relieve your grief…what do we do to ease your sorrow? _He mused as he glanced at his shadow. Suddenly, feelings of resentment towards Hephaistion crowded his thoughts. He thought this all unjust, for him not to have taken better care of himself. To have disregarded the doctors orders. For not having told anybody about his illness which he must have been harbouring days, even perhaps weeks before the full force of it claimed him.

"_By Hera' tits you should have told him Phaistion.!… You should have told him instead of taking your leave without having prepared him. Cerberus be damned! You have taken half of his soul and we are left to the task of making him whole again" _He suppressed his sigh of frustration not wanting to disturb Alexander who as he looked, seemed to have eased from whatever daimon that had taken hold of him in his slumber. A smile such as one he had not seen since before Hephaistion was taken ill played on his face as he softly called out the dead man's name.

Perdiccas realized that Alexander was dreaming. And whatever dreams Hypnos took him into, they must have something to do with Hephaistion for only his beloved could bring such an expression of joy and contentment to his face as it showed in the obscure light. He muttered a silent prayer to the gods, thanking them for his friend's momentary respite from the tragedy that weighed on his entire being.

A smile played on the sleeping man's lips. "Come Phaistion" he murmured "let us be gone. Just us two…the world outside awaits us. Hurry..."

**--o0o--**

It was one of those days in the season of Eiar where nature unfolded it's most glorious side. The buds of the flowering shrubs had begun to open and the apple and pear trees were verdant with their young foliage and flowers. The streets were filled with people and from the Agora, one looked up at the palace silhouetted against the cloudless sky, picturesquely framed by the flowering trees. King Phillip defeated the Phocians and Pherae had also fallen into his hands giving him hegemony over the Thessalian league. That did not only make Macedonia a force to reckon with but brought with it more material prosperity. The Macedonian populace was content.

The Agora was a bustle of activity. Merchants extolled their wares that came from all parts of Greece and beyond, Soldiers were about converging in groups to drink and exchange tales of war, to gamble or avail of the pleasures the whorehouses had to offer. Peasants bustles about while the slaves and servants of the rich made about to comply with their errands. There was an unmistakeable air of merriment as the festival of the Xandica was but a few days away. Music and laughter seemed to be everywhere.

"Are they following us?" the fair-haired boy of nine asked his friend who kept on looking apprehensively over his shoulder for the guards that have been assigned to watch over him.

"No....I think they lost us…but Xandros your father and mother shall be angry with us if they learn we disregarded their orders. He draped an arm over the shoulder of his taller auburn-haired companion to calm his fears. "I now am a man. It was time that my mother stop treating me like a babe". He replied as he looked into the other boys cerulean coloured eyes to give him his assurance.

There was such a certainty to Alexander's voice that Hephaistion could not help but be calmed. He knew that like the King, his father who he came with to the palace at the King's summon would not be delighted of their adventure but would ultimately understand. A couple of moons older than the fair-haired boy, he had long come of age. He now was entitled to the privileges that came with it. For his friend it was a different matter -unlike other boys, he was not free to roam as he pleased. He was supposed to inform the guards constantly of his whereabouts if his jaunts took him beyond the paIace walls.

"Fret not my friend with me you shall be safe". Alexander assured his friend who nodded reluctantly. They managed to slip out of the confines of the palace by scaling the wall through the roof of the stables that were attached to it. They almost made it unnoticed had not one of the sentries -Thersipos, not seen them. Hanging on to the crags and protrusions, they finally managed to climb down the other side of the wall and make a run for it as Thersipos together with two other guards broke into pursuit. At the Agora with it's teeming mass of humanity they finally lost them.

They made their way through the stalls that lined the Agora ogling at the goods the merchants sang praises of. The goldsmiths with their jewellry, the herbalists with their various leaves and roots promising to cure all possible ailments, the blacksmiths pounding away in their shops, making swords, shields, helmets and daggers, the jugglers, the bakers selling freshly baked bread, the seers, the beggars, the food stands and the artisans with their creations on display.

"Achilles!" Alexander exclaimed as he stood before the artisan's shop, peeking through the doorway into the workshop. "A statue of Achilles! He exclaimed jubilantly looking at the sculpture of his favourite hero and ancestor standing proud, holding a spear on his right hand balancing a shield that lay to his left foot " …and look Phaistion, Patroclus too!" The boys crowded the doorway to get a better glimpse of the merchandise. They stood there admiring the statues when they heard a booming voice from within call out Alexander's name. They both were alarmed but quickly regained their composure as Alexander recognised the voice.

"And what does my prince desire?" the man remarked as he shoved the curtain of the door to the inner room and stood under the door frame, eyeing both boys and bowing to the fair-haired lad.


	23. Chapter 23

Philon!" Alexander shouted with glee as he ran up to the man and gave him a hug. Hephaistion was rooted to where he stood unable to make sense of the whole scene.

"My friend…" Alexander tugged at the man towards Hephaistion " I'd like for you to meet by dearest friend Hephaistion, son of General Amytor" then turning to the auburn-haired boy, "Philon is a sculptor from Acarnania and a cousin to my dear Lysimachus" he explained, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. Philon turned his gaze to Hephaistion and bowed. "Ah yes, General Amyntor a most fine-looking man and a good friend of your father so I have heard…and see here, the son even more comely that his father. It sure runs in their blood" he remarked giving the blushing Hephaistion a wink. Alexander slung an arm around him absolutely beaming with pride.

"And what may I bring you pleasure with" the man gave his merchandise a cursory glance. Alexander walk around to the other side of the table and pointed at the statue of Achilles. Philon nodded "befitting of your heritage"

"He is my hero" the fair haired-boy reflected pensively. "In my eyes, no one was greater than he was".

"So be it. Just as dear Lysimachus has told me. He is Phoenix to your Achilles, I heard?" The fair-haired boy nodded vigorously grinning widely.

"Well then…surely you know that Achilles was not alone, He…" before he could continue Alexander blurted out "…Patroclus". Philon smiled in agreement. "And shall that be this comely young Lord?" he inquired laying an arm on Hephaistion's shoulder.

The question seemed to have caught the young prince totally unaware. In his moments of solitude, he always had thought of Hephaistion as his Patroclus though he never lost a word about it. Now, pressed for what seemed a public declaration, he was nonplussed. Much as he wanted the cerulean-eyed boy to be his Patroclus he did not have the courage to articulate it, never mentioning his wish to him. He glanced at Hephaistion who seemed absolutely mortified. Not wanting to say something wrong all he could do was stammer his response.

"I...I..don't know." Alexander bowed his head unable to look at his friend. There was a look of disappointment in Hephaisition's eyes as their gazes met.

The prince was never lost for words. His sharp mind worked faster that the flowing waters of the swift streams. But now his words deserted him. Mustering what was left of his ebbing courage he stuttered "Phaistion, will you be my Patroclus...would you… would you like to be Patroclus to my Achilles?" his voice barely masking the desperation and uncertainty therein. His question was met with silence as Hephaistion looked away, fixing his gaze at the other hero of the Trojan war. "…Please?" he pleaded. His tone carried a certain hopelessness that caught Hephaistion by surprise. In all the moons they have known each other, he never had hear the prince beg. Ask, yes. Command, yes, Request, yes but never this. Lately, he had been having strange feelings that left him bothered. He felt hot and restless every time he thought of Alexander or appraise his unclothe body while in the palestra, the baths or swimming in the river.

Philon nudged him back to reality "Come my boy, you shall not let a prince wait... a beautiful one at that" he stated giving a dejected looking Alexander a wink.

Turning his gaze to Alexander who moved up to him, he intoned in a solemn voice "Yes, Xandros, I shall be your Patroclus...always, if that pleases you".

Philon gave both boys a hearty slap on each his back as he shoved a grinning Alexander and a bashful looking Hephaistion to each other prompting them to give each other a hug. "So there we have it lads" he commented good-naturedly.

"Am I then your Patroclus, Alexander?" he whispered his uncertainty as they held each other. "Only you Phaistion and nobody else. Just you and me….always". He replied solemnly. "Then I shall be yours..only yours, forever" Hephaistion responded as he looked into the prince's grey eyes.

Phocion took each boy on his side giving them both hug and thinking how proud Lysimachus would be for his young Achilles. "You will have to let Lysimachus in to your secret will you not?" Philon turned to Alexander who nodded vigorously.

Taken by the amiability of both boys, he handed them the statues of Achilles and Patroclus, telling them they were his gifts. It was only at Alexander's insistence that he took the money. It was a lot less than what the price was but it gave him pleasure to see the happiness that lighted up the faces of both lads.

****V****

It was the seventh hour by the time Alexander and Hephaistion entered the palace gates together with their purchases, their arrival having been announced by the sentries. It was Black Cleitus that came to meet them. Alexander's smile died when he saw the serious expression on his older friend's face.

"Your father inquired as to your whereabouts" he announced gruffly to Alexander "He is not please that you have gone off without asking anybody's leave" Then turning to the other boy "Yours either and if both of you had sense enough, be gone immediately and make yourselves known you are back" He counselled as he walked past them. "Both the King and the General are in the Herakles room, make haste!" The young commander's voice was stern but kind.

"Come in" King Phillip's voice reverberated through his chambers as the boys entered. General Amytor gave his son a disapproving look as did the King to his own.

"We have agreed that you are not to wander off without informing the guards as to your whereabouts. Your new tutors in Mathematics and History have arrived and are officially presenting themselves tomorrow. I do not relish the idea of you not being present " Alexander stared at his father "Thersipos called out to you but instead you eluded him, what do you have to say to that?" he eyed his son with a steely gaze "I have a mind to give you a lashing for your disobedience!"

Alexander considered. He wanted to tell his father that he was now a man and as such could do as he pleased and that he was aware of his responsibilities. Had he not been weaned away from his nurse Hellanike and the women's quarters two years ago? Had not his tutor Leonidas put him through the gruelling pace of Spartan training to harden him, saying it is what a man should be able to do and to bear? However, he decided to keep his silence knowing that it was truly his fault and that anything he might say would only raise the ire of his father further. His gaze wandered from the King to General Amytor who stared back at him noncommittally. He felt Hephaistion stir uneasily behind him.

"My King, it was my idea and I do apologize for it. It shall not be repeated". The cerulean-eyed boy stated as he came forward with only the quivering of his lips betraying his apprehension. The King and his father, caught by surprise by this unexpected admission eyed him both with rebuke but said nothing. After a short silence "Then explain your actions or risk a lashing". It was his father who spoke nodding in his direction.

Alexander was startled by his friend's admission. True he brought up the idea of the possibility of heading for the Agora but it was him who planned it all. He would not let his Patroclus suffer for his misdeed.

"No father" Alexander interjected in a resolute voice as he stepped up beside his friend holding his head high as he spoke to the King. "It was my idea. Phaistion merely brought up the subject. If there is anyone to be punished it should be me".

Hephaistion exchanged glances with his friend in consternation – shaking his head almost imperceptibly. The King and the General regarded each other with concealed amusement in their eyes. Both finding the intense loyalty their sons held for each other touching.

"But I insisted we go without informing the guards" Hephaistion argued. Did not Patroclus go into war for his Achilles? Then turning to his fair-haired friend, he signalled him to say no more.

But Achilles avenged Patroclus shade when he met his death at the hands of Hector. "It is me who deserves the punishment" Alexander insisted, throwing a warning glance at his friend for him to be quiet.

"This will not do! "Phillip thundered in a voice filled with exasperation that cowered both lads, who now stood with their heads bowed, their gazes fixed on the shiny marble floor of the King's study.

"So what do you suggest we do with both of them my King?" Amyntor's voice was harsh but his eyes betrayed his amusement as he turned to look at Phillip whose one remaining good eye mirrored his hilarity.

"Both shall be confined to the prince's rooms without supper and shall stay there till they are summoned either by my or yourself". Then, motioning one of the sentries to accompany both boys to the rooms, Alexander and Hephaistion departed in humiliated silence.

As the door closed, Phillip could not help but let out a chuckle that Amyntor seconded. Displeased as they were over the actions their offspring, they both could not help but agree that the loyalty of their boys to each other was nothing less than admirable. The King also admitted that the boy was now forming his own mind, a good way to assert his person. The history of the Macedonian kings had been violent. Only with resoluteness and determination had he himself been able to avoid a journey to Hades-he fervently wished for his son and heir apparent to bear this same qualities he has. However, they also realized that this could eventually pose a problem in separating the two of them.

Both the King and the General had just been finalizing the diplomatic mission to Athens that Phillip was assigning General Amyntor to undertake before their sons came in. Holding an honorary Athenian citizenship that he inherited from his father Demetrios, the King wanted the General to wield whatever remained of his family's influence in the political and social circles of the city in hopes of toning down that Athenian rabble-rouser Demosthenes' and his anti-Macedonian stance which as of late seemed to have found more ears. He also was to act as the eyes and ears of the King in the greatest of all the Greek cities. The General and his family were to leave for Athens by the end of the next full moon. They also had to tell their respective sons about it.

With what they have just witnessed, both Phillip and Amyntor agreed it was not going to be an easy task. Pulling their thoughts together they went about to decide how best to break the news to their offspring. Knowing his son Phillip knew all too well, it was going to be an uphill battle but he was nonetheless optimistic. He had seen the forcefulness and resolution in his eyes. He was now weaning himself away from his witch of a mother. The thought filled him with satisfaction making him grin.

As Amyntor asked him for the reason of his exuberance the only thing he answered was "Olympias days are counted".

********V********

"Well... at least we did not get a lashing and that is what is most important". The auburn-haired boy sighed as he sat on the edge of the prince's bed. Since they were herded back into the prince's rooms Alexander had been petulant with Hephaistion complaining there was no need to defend him against his father. His sense of duty and honour would not allow it.

"But Xandros" he reasoned "I just told them the truth. After all it was my idea that we take a stroll through the Agora."

"I wanted us to escape the sentry" Alexander was emphatic "It is I that persuaded you to scale the wall with me. It was my fault we got chastised and you almost got a lashing from your father ".

"But I did not. And neither did you get one from yours so I think it ended well for both of us" then walking up to his friend he placed an arm around his shoulder. Alexander pouted but gave no reply shrugging to escape the arm on his shoulder.

"I thought we were Achilles and Patroclus…" Hephaisiton remarked in a plaintive voice " surely Achilles was never that long upset with him".

The prince's features softened at the mention of his favourite heroes. Moving up to his friend, Alexander held him in a consoling embrace. "I don't think so" he murmured "I' m sorry Hephaistion" he apologized as he planted a kiss on his cheek.

The sound of the door latch being opened broke their musings. Before Alexander could reach the door, it swung open. His mother followed by her maid and a guard swept into the room. Waving them off she strode purposefully to where her son stood as the maid and the guard closed the door signalling their exit.

"Alexander" Olympias sounded tired and irritated "why do you have to disregard our orders. I heard you went to the Agora without announcing your leave to anyone"

"I am sorry mother. It won't be repeated" his high-pitched voice sounded firm.

"You really should not be wandering around without anyone's knowledge, not even if someone convinces you otherwise " She admonished him while her dissaproving gaze rested on Hephaistion who simply bowed his head and bit his lip. Alexander registered it. "It was my idea that we head for the Agora, mother… not Hephaistion's".

"But my son" she declared as she continued staring at his son's friend "I know how you favour your friends although they may not always be the best of influence for you. While it is good to keep their company it is your duty as prince to keep them in their place."

Alexander glanced at his friend who stood in silence, a shamed look on his face.

"Mother, I now have come of age and am old enough to stand for myself and decide what I want or leave it be and… " continuing in a voice quivering with suppressed anger "for that matter, who I desire to be friends with. " There was a defiance in his voice, as he distanced himself from Olympias and headed to where Hephaistion was. "This is not the first time you have met Hephaistion. You know he is my dearest friend and I would appreciate it if you would not forget that". He remarked as he stood elbow on elbow beside the cerulean eyed boy.

Olympias was taken aback by her son's words. She could see he now was growing up faster than she wished him to. He was becoming a man -full in knowledge and assertiveness of what was due him. She always was aware of his precociousness even as a small child but now he was bent on creating his own niche and charting his own life. Olympias knew that if she pursued the matter along the lines she now took she would antagonize her son further. With his father around, he then would most likely spend more time in his company than she cared to-and this she would try to prevent as well as she could.

"Of course not my son" she assured him in a dangerously docile tone "but then I am your mother. I only have your best interests at heart. Surely, you cannot blame a mother for wanting only the very best for her son."

"Be assured mother, I shall not. However I should also be very grateful if you don't forget I am no longer a child and I, choose my friends!" there was a tinge in his voice that suggested absolute purpose as he headed for the door to answer the knock none of them could have missed.

"The King commands your and Hephaistion's presence" Phillip's page announced as the door was held open for him.


	24. Chapter 24

Alexander's brows were knitted as they headed back to the King's study. All the courier said was they were to present themselves immediately before the King. While his mind whirred trying to deduce the reason for their summon, he nevertheless was glad to escape his mother's oftentimes overprotective and stifling presence. He also noted her animosity towards Hephaistion -which in itself was more than enough reason to rid themselves of her presence. He decided that much as he loved his mother, this he would not tolerate. Not even from her.

"Do you think they have changed their mind and decided to give us a lashing?" Hephaistion voice was coloured with slight apprehension as he whispered the question to his friend. The fair-haired boy regarded him, lost in his own thoughts and shook his head. "No…I think not. That would not make any sense at all. To dismiss us then be called back only to be punished".

"Whatever it may be…" the auburn-haired boy concluded "we shall stand this together... just as Patroclus and Achilles did in the war against Troy" He remarked as he placed an arm across his friend's shoulder .

There was tenderness and warmth in Alexander's gaze as he looked at him and whispered "we shall see this through my Patroclus" wrapping an arm around Hephaistion' waist. As befitting the young, there was this ineluctability in their hearts they were meant for each other. The gods had willed it so and as long as one was there for the other nothing was impossible.

To their surprise, Phillip bade them to sit upon entering his study. They exchanged glances, surreptitiously smirking at each other. Both surmised – with them being told to seat, whatever the King was going to announce could not be bad. He sat behind his massive oak desk gilded with gold and inlaid with agate and lapis with the General standing to his side. Both held wine cups in their hands. Phillip's gaze wandered from one boy to the other while Amyntor studied the unfurled scroll on the desk.

"Do you have any idea why you have been summoned here?" Phillip inquired in a solemn tone. Both boys shook their heads and answered "no sire" almost in unison.

"As well as might be" the King continued then turning to the cerulean-eyed boy "Hephaistion, lad…you are well aware that your father is not only one of my best Generals. But more than that, none is better versed in the ways of politics… of Athens, than him. He is first and foremost a diplomat…and Athens is aware of that".

The boy momentarily glanced at his father but reverted to looking at the King, "Yes, my King" he replied in a respectful manner while holding the King's gaze.

"…and because he is such, I have asked him to go on a mission for me to Athens. A mission of great importance for Macedon as for my Kingship" Phillip continued as he glanced at Amyntor then trained his gaze on the prince. " I would like for him to depart by the end of the next lunar".

The boys glanced at each other. "How long will General be gone then?" Alexander inquired his brows furrowing, a sense of unease beginning to invade the back of his young inquisitive mind.

Phillip contemplated his son. He had carefully planned what to say before the boys arrived and had gone through it in minutae with Amyntor. Both decided to tell their sons through grandiloquent phrases so as to break the news gently to them. But now as his son stood before him, he felt his throat suddenly turning dry. His son's wide-eyed look seemed to penetrate his innermost, as if forcing the bare truth out of him. The boy was simply too perceptive.

"It is going to be a long mission" the General replied on behalf of the King "…four years" then turning to his son "Your mother as shall be with me as with Aineas, Chromios, Clytemnestra and yourself",

Hephaistion's jaw dropped, his eyes growing big as drachmns unable to utter a word as he sat there absolutely stunned. So was Alexander -his brows meeting and his eyes wide open. His Patroclus was being taken away from him. They were supposed to be together. Achilles and Patroclus. They were to fight the barbarians and discover unknown lands. Territories beyond the reach of even the great Kings of Persia. Lands beyond those that met the gazes of his ancestor Heracles or even Dionysus himself. Yes they knew they had their life fate but they would meet the end gloriously. In battle. They were supposed to walk the illustrious path to exalted Elysium together. Had they not planned these things together under the shade of the bay trees in the gardens of Amyntor's keep? Had they not talked about this during the long evenings of the season of Kalokeri sitting downstairs at the palace forecourt? No! Patroclus must not be separated from Achilles. They belonged together.

Alexander could feel a growing resentment in him. For his father who had to send the General for four long years in that hole of Hades called Athens as he heard the soldiers describe it. For the General who had to take his family and most of all his Patroclus with him. Four long years. How would Achilles survive those years without his Patroclus. And what it they never came back to Macedonia? No he would not allow it, could not allow it.

"But father" he spoke to the King as he finally overcame his shock "Could you not send someone else? Surely there must be others who could do what you want the General to do?" he steeled himself to remain calm as his tutor Leonidas taught him to be in the face of adversity. Slowly he could feel the prickling sensation emanate from his fingertips coursing its way through his arms, threatening to invade his small, compact body entirely. He begun to shake imperceptibly, firmly biting into his lower lip till he could taste the tanginess of his own blood.

"I think not" the King responded in a voice that denoted finality. However Alexander would not relent. Retrieving the information he stored at the back of his mind gathered from all the times he was present during the meetings and caucuses that his father held, he sallied forth.

"But you do have Aeschines and Phylocrates already there and you yourself had said that they did their work well, Surely they should be able to handle the task you have set for General Amyntor".

"Enough of it Alexander!" the King replied thumping his fist against his desk causing the statues and the lamps that stood on top of the table to quiver. "I am King and I decide what is best for this country and my kingship". He had heard this tone before, with the pages, the soldiers and the generals. He now had reached an alley that went no further. It was a voice filled with suppressed fury -cutting in its absoluteness. Intimidated by the intensity of his father's tone, he let out a sigh. He had to think. This was a war and he had to reconsider his strategy as he heard the commanders of his soldier friends in the barracks say. So caught up was he in his thoughts it took him a few moments to realize that Hephaistion had put forth his arguments with his own father.

"But surely father, I should be able to share Alexander's tutor's with him if the King grants them leave to take me" he pleaded, forcing himself to remain calm despite the immense anxiety that threatened to drown his reasoning.

Amyntor glanced at Phillip conveying with his eyes the certainty over what they spoke of earlier about the resistance they would encounter from both boys once their plans were made known. With a blink of his remaining good eye he signalled Amyntor that although he had nothing against the idea, it would be ultimately his decision whether to allow his boy to remain in Pella or depart with the rest of them for Athens. Indeed he could let the boy stay, however in those few times he encountered Olympias within the palace when on a visit to the King with his son, he sensed the Queen's animosity towards Hephaistion. Though not one to easily believe gossip or intrigue, he nevertheless decided subjecting his son to the possibility of being insidiously maltreated by Olympias was an option he could not risk. He felt sorry for Alexander. However, what match was he against his unpredictably cunning mother and as Phillip succinctly stated,the witch? No, he definitely would not risk his son's sanity and possibly his physical safety.

"Hephaistion" Amyntor's voice was soft but carried an unmistakeable hint of growing impatience "it is for your own good. Besides we cannot impose on the King's kindness, it would not be right….four years is not that long a time. Before you… "

"Please General Amyntor" Alexander interjected "please, let Hephaistion stay. I promise I shall see to him, let nothing harm even a strand of hair on his head. I swear by all the gods." If he could not make headway with his father then he had to go through another means to get his point across.

"Alexander" Phillip's voice boomed from where he sat "Stay out of their talks. It is not for you to disregard Amyntor's authority over Hephaistion. I command you!..Keep your peace boy!"

Hephaistion watched as colour seeped through his friend's face. A sure sign that he was exerting supreme effort to control his temper. He reached out for Alexander's hand so the King would not notice it trembling in supressed enmity while discreetly signalling him to stay silent.

"Father, my brothers and sister are with you and mother. Surely then, you could spare me." the cerulean-eyed boy pleaded.

"No Phaistion…I believe not" The boy threw his father a savage look which was not lost on the older man. "I am your father as such you have to obey me…I forbid you to say anything further. I shall not hear of it longer. This is my decision and you shall abide with it!" Amyntor decreed with in a tone that would not allow further bargain.

"I demand you obey your father, Hephaistion. He has your best interests in his heart. That you shall believe" The King intoned giving the boy an understanding look. To which a defeated, misty-eyed Hephaistion simply replied "Your wish shall be done, my King".

Alexander opened his mouth to speak in defence of his friend but was stopped by the King's furious glance before he could utter a single word. The boys looked at each other dejectedly. In their juvenile minds, they saw it as their first battle together from forces without -and they had to swallow defeat.

"I am sorry my prince" the general address him, his voice sincere. "There is no other way. However let me promise you that Hephaistion shall be back here after the four years are over, with or without me or his kin." He assured the fair-haired boy in the silent knowledge that it would then be time for his son to join the school of royal pages.

Alexander gazed the general, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Surely this could not be the end. There must be a way to a least redeem this defeat. "Could Phaistos at least stay with me the next few days?"

The undisguised pleading obvious in Alexander's voice. Tears slid down Hephaistion's cheeks as he realized how far his friend was willing to go for him.

Amyntor lay a consoling arm on the fair-haired boy's shoulder. Absolutely touched by the prince's ties to his son, he nodded in a soothing voice "Yes Alexander… Yes my boy ".

The General always held a soft spot in his heart for the prince. He was conscious that the constant bickering of his parents against each other made him seek a harbour beyond the stormy seas his father and mother created in his psyche. He was cognizant that the boy always harboured this want of affection even as a small child when he would come to him during his visits wanting to be lifted or sat on his lap. It was an intrinsic familiarity that bonded them to each other. There was this instinctive awareness in himself of the prince's need for a calm port to anchor his ship in, enabling him now and again to rest his strife-wearied soul and unload his burdens that weighed on his young mind. And this he found in his own son. A though he found so touching causing him almost to rescind his decision.

"You may now both take your leave". Phillip announced as he waved them off. Alexander nodded his head thanking his father, his voice barely masking his sorrow. Hephaistion, expressing his thanks quietly to the King, bowed.

Turning to the General, Alexander thanked him in an barely audible but emotionally charged voice. Extending his hand, Amyntor took it in his own, moved by the marked sureness and solemnity in the prince's voice as he swore an oath to the gods for his son's well-being while in his care.

As the door closed, Phillip let out a long drawn sigh and turned to his friend. "My son and yours .." he remarked introspectively "..should the gods really will them to remain together, they shall be force to contend with the likes of which I believe the known world has yet to see".

"I agree" came Amyntor's thoughtful reply. How much truth there would be in those words, they could have never foreseen.

The days during his stay at the palace prior to his departure were filled with joy and activity save for three short visits to his parents keep to arranged for what was to be taken by him to Athens.

With the King's permission and to the Queen's suppressed umbrage, Hephaistion accompanied Alexander to some of his lessons. He however passed joining his tutorials with Leonidas so as not to vex the man and further add to Olympia's dislike of him. They also spent time with Alexander's male cousins at the palestra, the palace gardens or at the river bathing and playing knucklebones. Sometimes they would watch the King conduct the soldier's drills or visit the prince's soldier friends at the barracks. Most of the evenings were spent together reading from the Iliad or talking about what they have heard and learned from the sessions with the tutors. When Alexander went to his mother for a visit or was summoned, Hephaistion met up with the boys their age that they both knew, watched the world from the prince's balcony or engrossed himself in the Iliad.

The nights found them lying together in the prince's bed, holding each other in a manner that siblings or close friends did, There nevertheless, was a growing awareness of a strange, new sensation that seemed to overpower their beings -finding translation in their reactions to gentle touches and other innocent intimacies as was common between such friendships. Hephaistion, being the more aware between the two of them but unsure of how to go about it and uncertain as to how Alexander would react did his best to ignore it.

Time however, has a way of sneaking upon the unwary or the ignoring. Many an evening before going to bed they would talk , pray to the gods or offer their sacrifices in fervent hope that time would simply stop or that something would happen to countermand the King's appointed mission to his General. But nothing came about. It seemed that the gods did not have time or just could not be bothered. As they took out yet another knucklebone from the kyathion which they filled to represent the number of days to Hephaistion's departure, from that fateful meeting with their fathers, they realized that the gods seemed to have no interest in their present plight but had other plans for them which they would not reveal however intense their desires were in invoking them to do so.

"I swear to you Hephaistion and I call on my ancestors the great Achilles and the strong Heracles, the gods and all the heroes of Elysium to be my witness that I shall always keep you in my heart" Alexander declared as they stood opposite each other on the prince's balcony, holding his hand to his chest in the ancient gesture of commitment. It was the eve of Hephaistion's departure. His father came to the palace to receive his final instructions from the King and to collect him for next morning's departure.

"So will I Alexander. In the name of all the gods and all that is sacred to me. I too, promise to keep you in my heart and return for you". There was a sobriety in Hephastion's voice as he mirrored Alexander's actions who enclosed him in a tight embrace to which he responded. Suddenly, he was again aware of its presence. This feeling that went beyond the want for an innocent embrace or a chaste kiss. Holding the smaller boy's face in his hands, he was suddenly conscious that this was a chance he had to know and to take. Hephaistion kissed him on the cheek and moved on to his lips giving in to his burgeoning desire. For a moment his friend was taken aback - blushing, but making no move to part from him. Suddenly engulfed by a sense of shame, he withdrew.

"Phaistion?" Alexander's tone held both alarm and confusion. "W.w..what was that for?" he sounded nervous but did not break his hold. "For my promise to return, Xandros…only for my promise." Hephaistion had his answer.

"You will return, won't you? Alexander's voice sounded teary. "I am Patroclus, am I not? He did not desert Achilles nor will I desert you". In his mind, Hephaistion was sure there could and would be nothing that would hinder him from returning.

"My prince!…Hephaistion!" a voice called from behind the door. It was Amyntor's. They knew it was time. They looked at each other wordlessly -filled with the certitude that no matter how, they would find a way back to each other.

****V****

The King stood in the courtyard exchanging farewells with his General as they awaited the grooms to bring the horses. A short distance away Alexander stood with Hephaistion together with the three guards the King assigned to escort them back to the keep.

"Promise me you will come back Phaistion and do take care of Achilles" he said as he eyed the wrapped statue of Achilles that he gifted his friend as had Hephaistion his Patroclus statue to Alexander. As the grooms brought their horses, they mounted and with a wave and good-bye brought their horses to a trot. As they reached the palace gates, the general turned around for a final farewell. In the fading light of day, Alexander noticed that his face somehow looked different. For a moment he was confused, then a cold fear washed over his body remembering the face painted in the altar room of the palace. Suddenly, he realized that riding next to his beloved Hephaistion was not his father but Thanatos -the deity of death. He grew frantic and screamed out his friend's name. Alexander saw him bring his mare to a stop. Turning to the prince's direction, the cerulean-eyed boy waved and gave him a gentle, loving smile not seeming to hear his desperate call. The guards too had stopped and surrounded Hephaistion. They turned their gazes to the terrified prince, who now had recognized them, laughing as they did so.

"Noooo!! Hephaistion, no"! he screamed in abject fear recognizing that his friend was in the company of the Moirea - Clotho, Atropos and Lachesis . "Do not go Phaistion, don't!…I beg you!" he was crying now as he tried to freed himself from his father's powerful grasp. "Please father I beg you" his pleaded "Let me go to him and bring him back, please!"

"Alexandros, child, Let him go!..let him be!..it is not for you to join him" He counselled him. The fair-haired boy trained his eyes on the man holding him. It was the god of the underworld himself - Hades.

"I have to get to him..please, let me go! I have to bring him back! Wait for me Hephaistion, wait for me my beloved.. Phasition wait for me.. I beg you..please"!! his voice rang of grief and despair.

It was to these hysterical screams that Perdiccas was startled from his sleep. The King, despite his arms flailing wildy about him and kicking his feet as if to free himself had not woken from his deep but troubled slumber. Perdiccas immediately turned to Alexander. Seeing him weeping in his sleep, held him in an embrace while he spoke soothingly to him to assuage his fears. Eventually, Alexander's lamentations and frenzy subsided.

As he lay down beside the King, he gave him one last glance to assure himself that everything was in the right. Perdiccas saw that he now lay on his back, his hands joined at chest height clutching what he now recognized as the bundle of locks belonging to Hephastion. Fear gripped him as he realized that the way Alexander now lay was exactly the very same pose that his beloved held in the throne room. The pose of a dead man.

Silent tears slid down his cheeks for his friend and King as he realized the journey to the light had indeed begun.

**THE END **

__________________________________________________________________________________

**Acknowledgements:**

I would like to express my thanks to all who have taken their time to review my story - Tribal Shimmy, Elpis of Hope, Purple Lolly, Queendel, Lysis, MLygia and the Anonymous reviewer (to whom I regrettably had no other possibility to say thank you but here). Also to Evave, whose thoughts and opinions on Alexander, Hephaistion and company had been most stimulating. Thank you. You all sure made it worthwhile.

I also would like to acknowledge the invaluable help that historian W. Heckel through his book Who's who in the Age of Alexander…. Has provided.

.

.

.


End file.
